JESUS IS IN CONTROL (UPDATED)

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
FEELING DOWNCAST AND ALONE.
IS THIS THE LIFE I'M MEANT TO LIVE,
OR DID I TAKE A DETOUR
DOWN SOME DUSTY OLD ROAD?
I'VE TRIED MY BEST.
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY
WITH WHAT I WAS GIVEN
ON THAT FATEFUL DAY.
BUT I'M NOT IN CONTROL,
AND LIFE IS GOING TO HURT.
SOME ARE GOING TO THINK THE WORST,
THROWING ME THEIR LITTLE SMIRKS.
I HAVE NEVER SAID I AM PERFECT,
I HAVE ALWAYS SAID I'M THE LEAST.
I DON'T DESERVE A PARTY,
NOR DO I DESERVE A FEAST.
BUT IF I CAN JUST MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS RACE
WITHOUT MUCH MORE TEARS, PAIN AND FEARS,
THEN I'VE GAINED.
THOSE WHO HAVE LOOKED DOWN ON ME
BECAUSE OF MY FAITH
WILL BE PUT TO SHAME.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW,
JESUS IS IN CONTROL.

HEBREWS 11:1
NOW FAITH IS BEING SURE OF WHAT WE HOPE FOR AND CERTAIN OF WHAT WE DO NOT SEE.

Forgive Myself (UPDATED WITH SCRIPTURE)

How can I forgive myself when I know all I have done?

I've sinned and sinned and sinned again,

knowing the difference between right and wrong.

I may be perceived as a good person,

but I know what's in my heart.

So how can I consider myself a part of God's family, free?

The only way I can reconcile my past failings

is knowing that Jesus died for me.

He took my transgressions, future and past,

and nailed them to his tree.

He forgave me on that unforgettable day,

along with the one to the left and the right.

I wish I had been there to see that beautiful sight.

The heavens blared, the curtain was torn,

and my Jesus gathered the keys

then took his place at the right side of God, on the throne,

to continue to be my advocate.

Now all that is left is to forgive myself.

Such an easier life it would be

if everyone wasn't here to remind me

of what a sinner I have been, born of the flesh,

stupid, ugly me.

But Jesus in his infinite wisdom, has forgiven me,

so why can't I?

If only I wasn't reminded daily

of what a sinner am I.

It's a battle that I fear I may not win,

but if I've read to the end, which I'm prone to do,

then I know we win

if only we put our trust in Him.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING;

IN ALL YOUR WAYS SUBMIT TO HIM

AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

Choose

Broken,

afraid of my own shadow,

scared of what will happen tomorrow.

Knowing I can no longer live this way,

I go to the Lord's word, and this is what He has to say:

Isaiah 43:18-19 - Forget the former things;do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

This is not a new scripture to me.  

But it is called the Living Word for a reason.

Every time I read it, my life is in a new season.

I have a very important choice to make - persevere through the pain

or wallow in it; believe in God's promises, that His Word is alive even today and relevant,

or mope around as if this was the end.

Every choice I make matters.

I matter.

I no longer wish to wallow.

I want to touch that one person who needs to be touched,

who knows what it feels like to be not only alone, but in pain,

and let them know that they are never alone.

Angels surround them, others have gone before them,

and Jesus is in them.

Through A Glass Darkly 2 (UPDATED AGAIN)

I ONCE WAS BLIND,

BUT NOW I SEE,
BUT ONLY THROUGH
A GLASS DARKLY.
ONCE THINGS
ARE SAID AND DONE,
I WILL SEE CLEARLY;
EVERYTHING AS IT IS MEANT TO BE.
THE PAIN,
THE FEARS,
AND ALL OF THESE TEARS WILL ABATE
AND SUDDENLY I WILL BE THERE,
AT THAT HEAVENLY GATE.
I WILL HAVE MY NEW BODY
AND BE IN THE PRESENCE OF MY SWEET LORD,
AND I WILL ETERNALLY CELEBRATE WITH MY KING.
SWEET RELEASE.

I CORINTHIANS 13:12 - FOR NOW WE SEE IN A MIRROR, DARKLY, BUT THEN FACE-TO-FACE. NOW I KNOW IN PART, BUT THEN I SHALL KNOW JUST AS I ALSO AM KNOWN.

MY USELESS HEART (UPDATED WITH SCRIPTURE)

I don't know why,
 but my heart is heavy today.

I wonder if Job ever felt this way.

Pain, discouragement,
fear.

All it seems I want to do 
is sleep until the pain abates.

But is that what my Lord Jesus wants?

Should I be rejoicing in my pain
 because I know I must be doing something right?

Otherwise
 why would the fallen one even bother me?

Do you ever remind yourself 
that this life is just a test,

that the real reward lies at the end,
and that's when we can rest?

So heavy heart or not, 
I'm still going to reach out 
to those that are hurting,
worn,
torn,
rejected,
unhappy,
unloved.
Like me.

Then maybe I can find some peace.

After all, whether you want to believe it
or not,

God is in control.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS SUBMIT TO HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

HIDE ME (UPDATED WITH NEW TITLE AND SCRIPTURE)

ALL OF MY LIFE
IT'S SEEMS AS IF
IT'S JUST BEEN EASIER
TO SHUT MY EYES,
PLUG MY EARS,
HIDE IN THE SHADOWS,
TRY HARD TO CALM MY FEARS.
NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE,
BUT IT WORKED FOR A WHILE.
UNTIL JESUS CAME TO ME
AT THE TENDER AGE OF FIVE,
AND TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD 
BE MY DADDY.
AND THEN HE WRAPPED ME
IN HIS LOVING WINGS
AND TOLD ME
THAT EVERYTHING
WOULD BE OKAY.

PSALM 17:8

KEEP ME AS THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE,

HIDE ME IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS.

The Rain

I spent more time in the hospital than not

Three months in, 

a few weeks out

'What's the purpose?' I ask myself,

and find no answer inside.

The only answer lies with the Lord,

in His word, in His voice,

In His love.

I find myself stronger, 

somehow changed.

Then suddenly the storm makes sense.

I can't grow without the rain.

It changes you,

makes you turn to the Lord for answers

and stop trusting in what the doctors say.

After all, medicine is just an art, a guess,

But God's word is truth, and I'm here to stay

in the rain.

Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  With all your heart acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.