THIS ISN'T EASY

Writing like I need to do,
I open my heart
and let the blood flow
slowly down my arm,
into my fingertips
until I am done.
It's not an easy thing,
you know,
inviting strangers
to see my poor bruised broken heart,
read the words that I thought were only for me.
Apparently not.
I guess it's a good thing I'm weak on my own
and that you are my strength.
Lord, I don't want anyone to suffer the way that I did,
to be hurt by those they love and supposedly love them
I don't know what hurts the worst.
Being hit,
or being hit by someone you love
and you were pretty sure they loved you, too.
Or, at least they were supposed to.
That was their God-given job.
Okay, there, I did it again,
sharing my hurts and my pain,
opening my heart and my soul.
However, as I have said
so very many times before, Lord.
If I can help just one other person
by sharing my scars and sufferings,
and telling them that you suffered, too,
then, of course it will be all worth it in the end.
Then I can do the David dance again.

ROMANS 10:11

EVERYONE WHO TRUSTS IN HIM WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME

FOOLISH

Feeling quite ill again today.

But, hey, what's new.

This pain is an every day thing,
lounging around the house
as if it belonged.
But I will use this thorn
as long as I can keep on writing,
for writing helps to keep me sane.
And I believe this pain

is the thorn in my side,

a reminder of God's sacrifice.

How can I ever make up for what you did, Lord?

You let them beat you 
until you were unrecognizable,

then they had the gall 
to sacrifice you on a cross.

But, Amen, 
the lightning flashed
and the veil was torn,

and everything was new,
reborn.

Your sacrifice saved us all.

Your blood washed us clean
of all that we have done wrong.

Lord, I give my life to you,

wheelchair and all,
I sing this song of gratitude

and ask you to never leave or forsake me,
and wheelchair or not,
use me.
Please.
I want others to know
of your unfailing love.

1 CORINTHIANS 1:27

BUT GOD CHOSE THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THE WORLD

TO SHAME THE WISE;

GOD CHOSE THE WEAK THINGS OF THE WORLD

TO SHAME THE STRONG.

I'M STILL DANCING

Why choose me, Lord?
I know that you don't make mistakes,
but are you aware what I've been through,
what I've done?
Have you checked your ledgers?
I am the least of the least
as was drilled into me from the age of zero on and on and on.
Anyway, you know me
better than I know myself.
So you allowed all of that abuse to go on
to purify me.
But I was miserable
all of my life,
walking humped over,
feeling too ugly, too tall.
And now you're wanting me to step into the spotlight,
but I prefer it here,
over in the corner,
shining my little light,
for everything that I write
comes from you, Lord,
and is to honor you.
Do you know how much I wish I could dance
like David danced?
I would if I could,
but I'm dancing in my heart.
Dancing like an angel.
I trust you, Father,
so I will go where you ask me to go,
walk by faith,
as is the only way.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:7

FOR WE LIVE BY FAITH,, NOT BY SIGHT.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WIPE YOUR FEET

YESTERDAY WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY,
BUT I JUST COULD NOT FIND IT IN MYSELF,
NOWHERE IN MY SOUL,
TO CALL YOU 
OR LOOK FOR A 
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SISTER' CARD.
AND I KNEW FOR A FACT 
THAT YOU WOULDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE IF I TRIED'
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU REALIZED
IT WAS ME ON THE PHONE.
AND THAT'S OKAY,
BECAUSE I NO LONGER LOOK TO YOU AS A SISTER,
BUT AS A LOST SOUL.
I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR ANYTHING
EXCEPT TO OPEN YOUR HEART
AND LET JESUS IN.
EASY BREEZY.
AND NOW
THIS IS ME
WIPING MY FEET.

LUKE 10:11

EVEN THE DUST FROM YOUR TOWN

WE WIPE FROM OUR FEET

AS A WARNING TO YOU.

YET BE SURE OF THIS:

THE KINGDOM OF GOD HAS COME NEAR

I'M FINALLY A PRINCESS

Why was I treated as a cheap throw-away toy,
fair game for just about anything?
Was it because you felt deep down
that the wrong child contracted
polio in her leg?
I need you to admit it,
tell the truth
because we only have
just about a second left
before we get to go home.
I know you don't believe
that the trumpet
will be sounded 
any time soon.
And, what?
Now you tell me that you don't believe
that our sweet Jesus
isn't the only way.
What about the sacrifice He made for ALL of us?
Have you not read the book of Revelation?
ALL of His word was written by Him.
Revelation IS in the New Testament after all,
so I pray
that as you read
our Lord will speak to you
and reveal the truth. 
However, here's the difficult part:
You must read the book of Isaiah 
in order
to get the whole picture.
Yes, I know this is a lot for the healthy one
to request,
but, honestly,
I'm really worried about your soul.
However,
no matter what you believe,
God tells us to be ready for His return
at all times.
It could be tomorrow,
or next year,
but, honestly, I pray for it to be today.
This race that you pushed me into, Lord
has been a very tough one,
(Can't you see the scars and the huge bruises?
I see yours.)
Yes, I have been blessed,
most especially during the really scary times
when the sky is black
and the lightning flashes
and the thunder roars.
Walk by faith.
Honestly,
I don't understand how anyone,
especially if they are suffering
from any kind of pain
every single second 
of every single day,
would want to live this mortal life alone,
all by themselves,
without you by their side,
without standing on the rock,
without you as their Father
and as their King.
And that, my dear ones,
makes me a princess,
something I've forever wanted to be.

.

ISAIAH 53:5

BUT HE WAS PIERCED FOR OUR TRANSGRESSIONS, 

HE WAS CRUSHED FOR OUR INIQUITIES;

THE PUNISHMENT THAT BROUGHT US PEACE

WAS ON HIM,

AND BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED.

JESUS, I GIVE YOU ALL OF THE GLORY

Give me the strength
I think I'm going to need,
Jesus,
pretty please.
And while you're at it, 
some Solomon-like wisdom would come in handy, too.
You say in your Word,
(I've read it a lot
and written some of it on my heart.)
to ask and we will receive.
So, here I am,
metaphorically again on my knees,
and, again, I can't stop this broken heart from bleeding.
Why did you have to make me so sensitive?
I've finally learned that it's a gift,
but,
in the beginning
growing up
it was just something else
for them to use against me,
as if they didn't all ready
have enough.
And why make me the only sensitive one
in a family of over a hundred and one?
I'm lonely.
Then I listen to my praise and worship songs,
which, BTW, I could listen to all day.
Listening to songs about you
just puts me in this different place
high above
resting on the puffy odd-shaped purple clouds.
I love you so much, Lord.
You just answered a prayer
I've been praying 
for over 30 years.
I suppose that's why you tell us
to pray unceasingly.
Plus I always forget this:
That your word says you will give us 
the deepest desires of our heart
if we just desire you above all else.
That's easy for me to do
because you have been the only one by my side,
never leaving,
all of my life.
So why am I so shocked
that you said "Yes."?
And, my sweet Jesus,
don't you know
how much I desire to be with you.
That's all that I want,
except to spread your love throughout the World,
especially to those who have been hurt
and feel ugly and different and unloved.
Lord, I give you all of the glory.

PSALM 37:4 TAKE DELIGHT IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.

JESUS IS MY LIFE

It seems as if you wait
until I'm so wounded
that I try
but just can't seem to stop crying,
to come against me,
stab me in the back
with whatever's handy,
when all I really needed was your love,
(silly me)
a sweet, long, gentle hug.
You know how I'm suffering,
not only because of what I've endured
as a cute little dimpled thing,
but now I'm physically unable.
And that will most likely
last for the rest of my life.
My heart has not quite yet
accepted it.
I just pray for God's will.
And to stay on the straight and narrow.
Who am I to question my King?
I'm nothing without Him.
And if it's His will for me to be like this
so I can help someone else worse off than me,
let them know of God's amazing agape' love;
if this is the thorn in my side,
eternity will solve everything.
What really hurts
is that I know you don't have it in you
to give me any grace.
I know you can't.
You could, you know,
if you really wanted to,
if there was just one small little light
inside of you
left over from those days we sang together
in the church's children choir;
sang about how much we loved Jesus.
Remember how happy that made us?
I pray that that little light will grow
until it's too bright too hide.
I pray for that a lot you know,
pray that you're not lost
even with everything you did to me.
I know you will deny it to your dying breath,
but that's okay cuz Jesus knows the truth.
He lights the darkest corners, you see,
with just his presence.
There is no place in the entire universe
that you can hide from our Lord.
After all,
He made it.
But, please now that we have just a few years left,
either leave me alone
or lighten up.
I love the Lord.
I love glorifying His name.
I am not ashamed.
And if you can't handle that,
I'm not going to change for you.
Jesus is my life.

JOHN 3:16