BRUISES ON MY SOUL

SHOULD I CONTINUE?
AM I MAKING A DIFFERENCE?
AM I SHINING MY LIGHT INTO THE DARKNESS?
I'M JUST ONE PERSON,
WRITING HOW I FEEL,
WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,
THE ABUSE,
THE BRUISES ON MY SOUL.
AM I HELPING ANYONE?
DO THEY KNOW THEY ARE NOT ALONE?
ARE THE ATTACKS WORTH IT?
OR SHOULD I JUST STOP?
SO MANY QUESTIONS,
SO MANY DOUBTS.
ALL I CAN DO
IS TO CONTINUE
ON THIS PATH
HE HAS SET BEFORE ME
UNTIL I REACH MY FINISH LINE.
(I HOPE IT'S CLOSE.)

HEBREWS 12:1

THEREFORE, SINCE WE ARE SURROUNDED BY SUCH A GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES, LET US THROW OFF EVERYTHING THAT HINDERS AND THE SIN THAT SO EASILY ENTANGLES.  AND LET US RUN WITH PERSEVERANCE THE RACE MARKED OUT FOR US.

The little butterfly (updated)

The little butterfly

fluttered to and fro,

never knowing

how genuinely beautiful she was.

She was just looking for a home,

somewhere safe to settle

where she didn't always feel

so very alone.

You see, she was looking for

acceptance for just the way she was,

the way she knew from reading the Bible, that God had made her

different, sensitive on purpose.

She knew her days were numbered,

but she refused to stop searching

for an accepting and loving warm home.

She knew deep down in the very heart of her soul

that there was some place,

somewhere she belonged.

She just knew it deep down in the center of her heart of her soul.

She never stopped fluttering.

She had never from the very beginning of her very short life ever stopped inquisitively, dangerously flying,

seeking a safe home.

And, then,

finally,

near the end of her life,

she found her home where she belonged,

and all the time

never knowing just how beautifully indeed she was.

Her home,

she had found,

was with her sweet Jesus

for all of eternity.

 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

WHY ME?

LORD, DIDN'T YOU SEE
HOW THEY TREATED ME?
DIDN'T YOU HEAR
THE WORDS THEY USED THAT HURT
SO VERY VERY MUCH.
THEY JUST COULDN'T,
WOULDN'T STOP
THROWING THOSE ROCKS.
OF COURSE, NO QUESTION,
I WILL DO WHAT YOU ASK,
JUST KNOW THIS:
I AM THE LOWEST OF THE LOW,
I AM INVISIBLE.
I AM TOO SENSITIVE, (I CRY TOO MUCH)
I AM A SINNER.
NOT TO MENTION THE UNDENIABLE FACT
THAT I NEED TO USE A DUMB WHEELCHAIR
JUST TO GET AROUND.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE ALL OF THE
STARES,
SO I PRAY, TESTIFY
AND PAINT A SMILE ON MY FACE.
(CAN THEY SEE THE TEARS BEHIND THE PAINT?)
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO USE
ANYONE? 
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE?
OF COURSE I CAN BE ON STAGE
AND ACT VERY WELL IN A PLAY,
BUT THAT'S BECAUSE
I GET TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.
BUT BEING ME
IN FRONT OF HOWEVER MANY?
ME?
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU'RE PLANNING,
I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER
GIVE ONLY YOU THE GLORY.

ROMANS 5:3-5

NOT ONLY SO, BUT WE ALSO GLORY IN OUR SUFFERINGS, BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT SUFFERING PRODUCES PERSEVERANCE; PERSEVERANCE, CHARACTER; CHARACTER, HOPE.  AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME, BECAUSE GOD'S LOVE HAS BEEN POURED OUT INTO OUR HEARTS THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHO HAS BEEN GIVEN TO US.

HOLD ON CUZ I'TS GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE (UPDATED)

I WAS WATCHING VERY CAREFULLY
FOR ALL OF THE SIGNS,
FOR THE ONES THAT WOULD LEAD ME
STRAIGHT TO THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW,
WAITING FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
SO NOW THAT I AM WALKING THE RIGHT PATH,
AT LEAST I PRAY EVERY DAY THAT I AM,
WHY THE BROKEN ARM?
AND WHERE DID ALL THESE BRUISES AND BLOOD
AND BLOODY SCRAPES COME FROM?
DON'T THEY KNOW,
OR HAVE THEY SIMPLY
NOT READ YOUR WORD?

IN EVERYTHING I DO, LORD,
MAY I GLORIFY YOU.

AND NOW I HAVE A TESTIMONY -

I HOPE YOU KNOW
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, LORD.
AFTER ALL, YOU ARE THE ONLY REAL DADDY 
I HAVE EVER KNOWN.
SO CAN YOU PLEASE CARRY ME FOR A WHILE?
YOU SEE, I CAN SENSE 
A GREAT STORM HEADED THIS WAY.
I MAY NOT BE PERFECT,
BUT I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
SO I GUESS I'VE NOT YET REACHED THE FINISH LINE.
AND I CAN SENSE SOME BAD STORMS 
JUST AHEAD, OVER THE HORIZON.
AND CAN YOU SEE OVER THERE?
THAT WHITE PICKET FENCE?
DOESN'T IT LOOK O SO ENTICING?
AND THAT FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS
LOOKS VERY BEGUILING.

THERE, JUST ONE MORE LITTLE PEEK
AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE.
PLEASE. 
I WANT TO AGAIN SEE
ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL TREES,
AND NOT TO MENTION
ALL OF THE COLORFUL ROSES AND SUNFLOWERS.

I PRAY I CAN REMEMBER
THE PLACE WHERE WE CAMPED
IN THE WHITE MOUNTAINS,
THERE WAS A BUBBLING CREEK RIGHT THERE.
AND I FOUND A LOG THAT HAD FALLEN DOWN,
MADE A BRIDGE OF SOME KIND.
BUT I STILL REMEMBER HOW I USED TO LIE THERE
LOOKING AT THE CLOUDS IN THE SKY.
AND THE THINGS I SAW.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU ASK FOR CHANGE 
AND START LISTENING TO HIM.
SO GET YOURSELF OFF OF THAT FENCE
AND COME OVER HERE TO THE WINNING SIDE.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID AT THE END.
AND DO WHAT GOD GENTLY REQUESTS OF US.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT GOD
SACRIFICED HIS SON
FOR ALL OF US
BEFORE WE WERE EVEN BORN?

ONE TIME I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR
ANY MORE OF HIS GENTLE REQUESTS
TO MOVE FROM THE BEACH TO CORONA.
BUT I LISTENED TO HIS STILL QUIET VOICE
AND PACKED UP EVERYTHING I HAD
AND MOVED 
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WISH
TO BE SWALLOWED
BY A BIG FISH.
I KNOW I'VE MADE MISTAKES,
BUT YET YOU STILL LOVE ME.
HOW IS THAT?
O, YES, YOU ARE MY CREATOR.

EVEN THOUGH GOD SACRIFICED HIS ONLY SON,
BEATEN AND CUT AND MADE FUN.
I'VE HAD MY SHARE OF BRUISES AND CUTS
FROM ALL OF THE SCARY DETOURS,

BUMPS AND DIPS ON THIS SHAKY WOODEN 
ROLLER COASTER.
BUT JESUS WENT THROUGH SO MUCH MORE,
MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW.
HE HEALS ME STILL.
THAT WAS JUST A TASTE OF MY TESTIMONY.

I'VE GIVEN MY LIFE TO HIM.
HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

AMEN

ISAIAH 46:4

EVEN TO YOUR OLD AGE AND GRAY HAIRS I AM HE.

I AM HE WHO WILL SUSTAIN YOU.

I HAVE MADE YOU

AND I WILL CARRY YOU;

I WILL SUSTAIN YOU

AND I WILL RESCUE YOU.

I WAS WAITING FOR HIM

Lord, are you quite sure
that you chose the right servant?
You need someone who won't run from a battle,
don't you?
Because, you know that at the very first sign 
of struggle,
I will run so fast
you won't be able to find me
in my hiding place
I had to make to get some peace.
I cannot stand raised voices.
They just remind me of 
all the bad things 
that everyone says never happened.
I think I am the only one in my family
that's not in denial.

Don't you know, Sherrie, silly
there were never any fights
or hitting or anything.
You never had a broken arm, 
even though you were crying so much
I sent you to your room 
for the rest of the day.
Honestly, your crying always drove me insane
even though at the time you were five.
I told you that you embarrassed me.

All of this coming from my mother.
But, God, look at me.
Most days I am here lying in my bed,
praying unceasingly for inspiration of any kind.
That's why I've turned to you
so much more than I used to.
I had to cuz you took Mama J away.

I know this sounds crazy,
so handcuff me now cuz I'm never gonna stop,
but lying here in Riverside,
these simple words that you give me
are read all the way to Lebanon and Oman,
a country of which I had never heard.
All of the waiting 
and the continual praying
was worth it, Lord,
because I was waiting for you
to make the first move.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:17

PRAY  CONTINUALLY

WHAT'S THE CATCH?

Lord,
look,
can't you see I'm still here,
still hurting outside and in,
most especially in my heart
where you live inside?
I pray unceasingly,
but sometimes I feel as if nothing is happening.
Yes, I know that you can see into her soul.
So, what are you waiting for?
What's the catch?
What must I do,
besides following you?
I need to keep my eyes on you
in order to finish this whirlwind race.
I would never be able to walk without your grace
and my faith.

HEBREWS 11:1

NOW FAITH IS BEING SURE OF WHAT WE HOPE FOR

AND CERTAIN OF WHAT WE DO NOT SEE.

THIS ISN'T EASY

Writing like I need to do,
I open my heart
and let the blood flow
slowly down my arm,
into my fingertips
until I am done.
It's not an easy thing,
you know,
inviting strangers
to see my poor bruised broken heart,
read the words that I thought were only for me.
Apparently not.
I guess it's a good thing I'm weak on my own
and that you are my strength.
Lord, I don't want anyone to suffer the way that I did,
to be hurt by those they love and supposedly love them
I don't know what hurts the worst.
Being hit,
or being hit by someone you love
and you were pretty sure they loved you, too.
Or, at least they were supposed to.
That was their God-given job.
Okay, there, I did it again,
sharing my hurts and my pain,
opening my heart and my soul.
However, as I have said
so very many times before, Lord.
If I can help just one other person
by sharing my scars and sufferings,
and telling them that you suffered, too,
then, of course it will be all worth it in the end.
Then I can do the David dance again.

ROMANS 10:11

EVERYONE WHO TRUSTS IN HIM WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME