I GET IT

"YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH."
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
"YOU ARE STUPID AND UGLY, AND, LEST I FORGET,
YOU BELONG IN AN INSANE ASSYLUM."
I GET IT.
I DON'T BELONG.
IN OTHER WORDS, THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME.
I WILL DO WHATEVER MY SWEET JESUS
ASKS OF ME.
WHO AM I TO QUESTION HE WHO CREATED ME?
EVEN IF I EXPRESS MYSELF THROUGH POETRY,
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY
I DON'T HAVE A SAY?
WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME I AM NOT DESERVING
OF LOVE?
I KNOW I'M DIFFERENT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRILL IT INTO ME
RELENTLESSLY.
I KNOW I DON'T BELONG.
BUT THE HARSH WORDS?
NEED THEY CONTINUE TO THIS DAY?
I GET IT.
I'M AN EMBARASSMENT.
I'M THE ONE TO BLAME.
BUT GUESS WHAT?
MY SWEET JESUS, MY KING,
JEHOVAH JIRAH,
CALLS ME BEAUTIFUL.
AND THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.


PSALM 139:14 - I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, AND I KNOW THAT FULL WELL.


PSALM 34:18 - THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.

A ROSE IS A ROSE IS A ROSE

EPHESIANS 4:29 -- DO NOT LET ANY UNWHOLESOME TALK COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS, BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL IN BUILDING OTHERS UP ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, THAT IT MAY BENEFIT THOSE WHO LISTEN.








SHE'S DIFFERENT,
SHE'S WEIRD,
SHE'S JUST WAY TOO SENSITIVE,
CRIES TOO EASILY,
AND, O YES,
SHE'S ONE OF THOSE JESUS FREAKS.
YOU KNOW THE KIND,
THAT DOES WHATEVER GOD TELLS HER TO DO,
EVEN IF IT'S BLOGGING HER CRAZY POETRY
ON YOUTUBE.
YOU HAVE TO HOLD HER DOWN
TO NOT TALK ABOUT JESUS
YOU REALLY WANT TO BE AROUND HER?
THEN YOU ARE CRAZY, TOO.
SHE FORGIVES THOSE WHO HAVE
CRUSHED HER HEART.
SHE LOVES THE HOMELESS PERSON,
HANDS HELD OUT,
JUST WANTING TO BE TREATED LIKE A PERSON.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
SHE LIKES TO ACT, SHE LIKES TO WRITE,
HER HEART IS TOO SOFT,
AND SHE HAS NEVER FIT IN.
THE WORLD AND EVEN SOME CHRISTIANS
WOULD CLASSIFY HER
AS A 'WEIRDO',
BUT TO HER PRECIOUS SWEET JESUS,
SHE IS A PRINCESS.
A ROSE IS A ROSE IS A ROSE.




1 CORINTHIANS 1:25 -- BUT GOD CHOSE THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE WISE; GOD CHOSE THE WEAK THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE STRONG.


ROMANS 9:20 -- BUT WHO ARE YOU, A HUMAN BEING, TO TALK BACK TO GOD? "SHALL WHAT IS FORMED SAY TO THE ONE WHO FORMED IT, 'WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS?'"

WOLVES

YOU GIVE US ALL A BAD NAME.
YOU WALK INTO CHURCH
DRESSED IN YOUR DESIGNER SUITS
AND HAVE THE AUDACITY
TO ASSUME YOU CAN COME IN AT THE LAST MINUTE
AND THROW DOWN YOUR DESIGNER PURSE
AND DESIGNER BIBLE
FRONT ROW CENTER
WHEN I HAVE TO HAVE SPECIAL PERMISSION
TO SIT THERE
'CUZ I GUESS
I DON'T KNOW THE RIGHT PEOPLE.
'CUZ, YOU SEE,
IF IT'S NOT OBVIOUS TO YOUR DESIGNER SELF,
I HAVE DIFFICUTLY STANDING ON MY OWN
OR EVEN JUST GETTING AROUND.
I'M A TAD HANDIE,
AS I LIKE TO SAY.
I AM AT CHURCH ON OUR HOLY DAY,
OUR DAY OF REST,
BECAUSE, FIRST OF ALL,
I LOVE FELLOWSHIPPING
AND PRAISING OUR KING.
AND, O YES,
IT'S USUALLY THE ONLY DAY
I HAVE THE STRENGTH
TO GET MY CONSTANTLY SORE BODY
OUT OF BED.
SO WHEN I SEE SOMEONE DISRESPECTING MY SWEET JESUS
BY CHEWING GUM, MAKING YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A COW
CHEWING IT'S
CUD BTW
DESPITE YOUR DESIGNER HAIRCUT.
AND PLAYING ON YOUR EXPENSIVE DESIGNER
SMART PHONE
SHOWING OFF YOUR DESIGNER MANICURE
THE ENTIRE TIME.
HONESTLY?
AND YOU AND THAT WOMAN, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
'CUZ I TRY TO SHOW JESUS' LOVE TO YOU
EVERY TIME I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BE THERE.
AND THIS ENTIRE TIME,
I THINK ABOUT A YEAR NOW,
APPROXIMATELY,
YOU APPARENTLY FIND IT DIFFICULT
TO UTTER MORE THAN A FEW WORDS TO ME,
HAVE NEVER ONCE SAID GOODBYE,
AND DO YOU REALLY LISTEN, DO YOU CARE,
DO YOU WANT ME TO RESPOND
WHEN YOU ASK ME HOW I AM?
AND IT'S SAD
'CUZ
I WATCH MY SWEET LIZZIE PRAISING HER KING,
HANDS UNASHAMEDLY RAISED HIGH,
JESUS' LOVE SHINING THROUGH HER BEAUTIFUL FACE.
SHE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD
DESIGNER EVERYTHING
AND MAY NOT HAVE THE HONOR
OF KNOWING THE RIGHT PERSON,
'CEPT FOR SWEET LITTLE MOI'.
AND SHE HAD TO FIGHT TO SIT UP CLOSE.
WHAT?
DID I HAVE THE GALL TO TAKE YOUR SEAT?
I"M SORRY, I DIDN'T SEE YOUR PARTICULAR NAME
CARVED ON THIS PARTICULAR PEW.
AND THEN, YOUR FRIEND, THAT USHER,
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
THAT DAY THAT SWEET FRIEND OF MINE WASN'T THERE, YOU MADE ME CRY.
YOU YELLED AT ME.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT
THAT IF I WAS NOT SAVED
AND THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME COMING THERE
IF I WOULD EVER COME BACK,
IF I WOULD EVER OPEN MY CRUSHED
BROKEN
HARLET HEART
AND INVITE MY SWEET JESUS INSIDE?
NICE JOB, NOT PLANTING SEEDS.
WHAT YOU DO, GOSSIPING AND BACKBITING
AND JUDGING, ALL OF YOU, PASTORS ON DOWN,
HURTS MY HEART,
MAKES ME CRY.
AND I WONDER TO MYSELF,
DOES IT DO THE SAME THING TO OUR KING?

MATTHEW 7:15 -- "WATCH OUT FOR FALSE PROPHETS. THEY COME TO YOU IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING, BUT INWARDLY THEY ARE FEROUCIOUS WOLVES.


MATTHEW 10:16 -- "I AM SENDING YOU OUT LIKE SHEEP AMONG WOLVES. THEREFORE BE AS SHREWD AS SNAKES AND AS INNOCENT AS DOVES.


LUKE 10:3 -- GO! I AM SENDING YOU OUT LIKE LAMBS AMONG WOLVES.


ACTS 20:29 -- I KNOW THAT AFTER I LEAVE, SAVAGE WOLVES WILL COME IN AMONG YOU AND WILL NOT SPARE THE FLOCK.

BEAUTEOUS LIZZIE

I SHOULD BE HAPPY TODAY,
FOR I HAVE MADE A BEAUTEOUS BFF,
SOMETHING THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED TO ME
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU SEE, LIZZIE AND ME, WE JUST CLICKED.
IT WAS GOD.  HE HAS A PLAN.
AND, PRAISE MY SWEET JESUS,
HE HAS BLESSED ME SO I CAN NOT ONLY BLESS HER,
BUT HER BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS AS WELL,
WHO CALL ME, PRAISE MY SWEET JESUS, AUNTIE SHERRIE.
YOU SEE, I HAVE NO GRANDCHILDREN.
I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE SOME BY NOW.
BUT ONE NIGHT, PRAYING ABOUT IT, CRYING,
PRAYING, CRYING, PRAYING, CRYING...
WHAT? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE YOURSELF,
ON YOUR KNEES IN SUPPLICATION TO GOD, OUR MAKER?
GOD REMINDED ME OF WHAT HE HAD TOLD ABRAHAM
AND TO LOOK UP IN THE SKY
AND LOOK UP AT THE STARS AT NIGHT
AND THAT'S HOW MANY GRANDCHILDREN
I WOULD HAVE. I WOULD BE JOYFULLY SATISFIED.
AND NOW ALL OF THESE NIECES AND NEPHEWS,
AND EVEN A NEW SON IN ALEXANDRIA EGYPT
AND HIS FRIENDS.
SO, WHY, MY SOUL, ARE YOU SO DOWNCAST?
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN I FEEL MY LIFE IS IN DANGER.
AND THOSE USHERS YELLING AT ME,
MOCKING MY DISABILITY?
REALLY???
AND THEN HAVE SO CALLED MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD
MOCK MY SPIRITUAL GIFTS?
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?
EXCUSE' MOI' BUT I WAS AWARE THAT IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE
THAT JESUS IS THE SAME TODAY, TOMORROW AND YESTERDAY.
HELLO.
I KNOW I AM NOT ONLY SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE THEM,
BUT FORGET THEIR ATROCITIES AS WELL.
SO THAT IS WHY I MUST FOR MY OWN HEALTH
AND MY OWN HEART
AND MY OWN SOUL
NOT JUST FORGIVE, BUT FORGET.
AFTER ALL, GOD HAS NOT ONLY FORGIVEN
BUT FORGOTTEN ALL MY SINS,
EACH AND EVERY NUMEROUS ONE OF THEM,
AND THROWN THEM INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE.
SO WHO AM I TO HOLD A GRUDGE?
AND MY BEAUTIFUL SWEET BFF LIZZIE...
HER LITTLE LIGHT? IT'S ABOUT THE SIZE OF A LIGHTHOUSE.
MY BEAUTEOUS LIZZIE, MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER,
I PRAY THAT YOU COULD SEE YOURSELF THE WAY I DO,
THE WAY OUR SWEET JESUS, OUR MAKER, SEES YOU TOO.
AND HER DAUGHTER CLOE ALREADY LOVES ME.
SEE HOW MUCH LOVE THAT IS RETURNED TO YOU
WHEN YOU WALK IN LOVE AND FAITH
THROUGH EVERY SINGLE STORM THAT IS SENT YOUR WAY?
NOT THAT I'M BLESSING HER TO BE BLESSED IN RETURN.
I AM JUST ASKING MYSELF WWJD, OKEY DOKEY?
YOU CANNOT WALK AROUND THESE STORMS. 
THERE ARE NO DETOURS,
AT LEAST NONE THAT I WOULD SUGGEST YOU TAKE.
STORMS ARE MEANT TO PURIFY US,
AND WE MAKE IT THROUGH THEM,
AS CHRISTIANS,
BY EITHER HOLDING MY SWEET JESUS' HAND
OR, IN THE WORST, GLOOMY, MISTY, MURKY, NEBULOUS
PARTS, HE WILL CARRY US.
CARRY ME TODAY, MY SWEET JESUS.
AND THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME
WITH A YOUNGER SISTER IN JESUS, LIZZIE.
FOR SHE IS NOT ONLY BEAUTEOUS, BUT WISE AS WELL.
AND STRONG.
AND I NEED THAT.
YOU KNEW THAT TOO, DIDN'T YOU LORD?

PSALM 42:5 -- WHY, MY SOUL, ARE YOU DOWNCAST? WHY SO DISTURBED IN ME? PUT YOUR HOPE IN GOD, FOR I WILL YET PRAISE HIM, MY SAVIOR AND MY GOD.

UNFORGIVENESS = POISON

I LIKE TO SAY THAT UNFORGIVENESS WEIGHS.
IT'S TRUE, BUT UNFORGIVENESS IS ALSO POISON.
I SHOULD KNOW.
I AM JUST SO ANGRY TODAY.
ALL OF THE 'WELL, SHE HAS SO MUCH
GOING ON RIGHT NOW'S'?
I JUST CAN'T HEAR ANY MORE.
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY,
ALWAYS THE SAME,
ALWAYS THE EXCUSE
FOR THE ABUSE.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF I SAT ON YOU UNTIL YOU COULD BARELY BREATH,
SQUEEZING YOU SO TIGHTLY,
THEN PUNCH YOU TO THE POINT
OF HAVING TO SPIT UP BLOOD INTO A BOWL
ON THE KITCHEN TABLE?
WELL?
AND, O, YES,
LET US NOT FORGET HOW YOU LOVED
TO LOCK ME IN DARK SPIDERS-EVERYWHERE
CLOSETS
ALL DAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I SHOT YOU
IN YOUR LEGS WITH A BB GUN?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT STINGS?
I LOOKED UP TO YOU, LOVED YOU,
JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME.
BUT BECAUSE I HAD THE AUDACITY
TO BE BORN HEALTHY,
YOU APPARENTLY JUST COULDN'T HELP
YOURSELVES IN BALANCING THE SCALES.
AND IF I DARE BRING IT UP TO THIS DAY,
IT'S, DUH, MY FAULT.
ALWAYS.
BUT THEN I CAN SEE JESUS HANGING ON
THAT TREE ON CALVARY,
BLOOD AND WATER RUNNING DOWN HIS SIDE,
HUGE NAILS IN HIS FEET, IN HIS HANDS,
A CROWN OF THORNS SHOVED ON HIS HEAD,
BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE.
ALL OF THIS AFTER FLESH BEING STRIPPED
FROM HIS BACK.
AND HE HAD DONE NOTHING
BUT LOVE.
AND HANGING SO VERY PAINFULLY ON THAT CROSS
HE LOOKED TO THE LEFT,
HE LOOKED TO THE RIGHT,
AND HE FORGAVE.
SO WHO AM I TO ALLOW
THE TOXICITY OF UNFORGIVENESS
TO POSION MY HEART,
TO BLEED INTO WHO I AM TODAY?
I HAVE TO, MUST, STRIVE
TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS.
FORGIVE.
UNFORGIVENESS IS NOT ONLY POISON,
BUT IT IS A SIN.

1 JOHN 1:8 - IF WE CLAIM TO BE WITHOUT SIN, WE DECEIVE OURSELVES AND THE TRUTH IS NOT IN US.

OVERCOMER

MY SWEET JESUS,
WAKING UP THIS MORNING,
I FELT HELPLESS.
MY HEART IS STILL HURTING.
WHY DID THOSE SO CALLED
BROTHERS-IN-THE LORD
TREAT ME WITH SUCH DISDAIN
JUST BECAUSE I NEED TO SIT IN THE FRONT ROW
BECAUSE, AS IS VERY OBVIOUS,
AT LEAST TO MOST OTHERS,
I CANNOT STAND ON MY OWN?
CAN YOU SAY 'CONDESCENDING'?
WHAT IF THEY HAD BEEN THAT WAY
WITH SOMEONE THAT WAS HURTING,
LOOKING FOR COMFORT, NOT SAVED?
AND AFTER A YEAR OF WRITING TO MY PASTOR
WITH NO ANSWER WHATSOEVER,
WHERE IS THAT OPEN DOOR?
ALL I SEE IS FOG.
MY FISTS, CAN YOU SEE,
ARE BROKEN AND BLEEDING
FROM TRYING O SO HARD TO GET THROUGH.
MY HEART JUST FEELS TIRED AND TORN TODAY,
WORN,
ALTHOUGH I KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE.
THAT'S WHY, WHEN I FEEL THIS WAY,
HURTING HAND NOTWITHSTANDING,
I TURN TO YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
AND I DO WHAT YOU ASK OF ME --
I WRITE AND I BLOG ON TV.
JUST TELL ME, MY SWEET JESUS
AM I MAKING A DIFFERENCE?
IS ANYONE LISTENING?
DOES ANYONE CARE?
THE VISION YOU GAVE ME,
WAS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION,
WISHFUL THINKING?
AFTER ALL, WITHOUT YOU,
I AM NOTHING.
SO PLEASE, JESUS,
I KNOW YOU ARE BUSY,
BUT COULD YOU RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND
WRAP ME IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS
BECAUSE I SO BADLY NEED TO FEEL YOUR LOVE
SURROUND AND PROTECT AND ENFOLD ME.


PS:  THANK YOU, MY SWEET JESUS, FOR LIZZIE.

1 JOHN 5:5

WHO IS IT THAT OVERCOMES THE WORLD?

ONLY THE ONE THAT BELIEVES THAT JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD.

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE, MY SWEET JESUS

MY FIRST TIME THERE.
NO WHEELCHAIR TODAY,
THANK YOU MY SWEET JESUS.
BUT WAS IT JUST ME,
OR DID YOU SEE THE WAY I WAS TREATED?
AND, YES, I WAS USING MY CRUTCHES,
AS I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO LATELY,
AND AS LONG AS I WEAR THAT VERY LARGE BRACE
THAT HIDES MY CUTE RIDING BOOTS.
BUT HOBBLING UP ON MY CRUTCHES
TO THE THREE
UNFAMILIAR USHERS,
MY SUPPOSED BROTHERS,
LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF SYMPATHY,
ASKING IF I COULD SIT UP FRONT PLEASE
AS I WAS UNABLE TO STAND ON MY OWN
AND WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE WORDS
SO I COULD SING ALONG
AND PRAISE MY KING,
WHICH IS, BTW, MY FAVORITE THING.
BUT THEIR RESPONSE TO A SISTER
VERY OBVIOUSLY IN NEED
AFTER I HAD ALREADY
MADE THE UNCOMFORTABLE EFFORT
TO DARE SIT IN THE FRONT PEW?
WELL, THEY LITERALLY KICKED ME OUT OF THERE.
THE PEW, NOT THE CHURCH I MEAN,
AND TOLD ME THOSE WERE RESERVED.
WELL, AFTER I WAS RELEGATED
TO THE LEPER COLONY,
I NOTICED THAT ONE OF THE THREE AMIGOS
HAD PLACED A FEW BIBLES WHERE
I DARED TO SIT.  IN A CHURCH.
I MEAN, WHAT???
AND I HAVE A WITNESS BECAUSE 
A SWEET SISTER IN JESUS WHO WAS ALSO DISABLED
HAD SEEN THIS ABHORENT SELFISH ACT TOO.
OKAY, WAS THAT TOO JUDGMENTAL?
AND DID I FORGET TO MENTION
WHEN I FIRST HOBBLED OVER
TO SWEETLY INTRODUCE MYSELF TO
THE THREE MUSKETEERS THAT FIRST TIME
I WAS AT MY HOME CHURCH ON A WEDS. NIGHT,
EXCITED FOR THE UPCOMING BIBLE STUDY,
WANTING, NAY DESPERATELY NEEDING
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MY SWEET JESUS
AND HIS WORD,
ONE OF THE OBVIOUSLY UNAPPROACHABLE
THREE MUSKEETEERS
LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN,
AND WHEN I SAID I WAS ON CRUTCHES
(WAS HE BLIND?)
AND COULDN'T STAND WITHOUT HELP
BECAUSE I WAS GETTING THE VIBE
THAT MY CRUTCHES AND ME AND MY DISABILITY
WERE INVISIBLE TO ALL THREE.
REALLY???
ONE OF THESE THREE AMIGOS VERY HURTFULLY
AND RIDICULUSLY HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY
(AND I QUOTE HERE)
"O, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE."
REALLY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF MUCH LATER,
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE BEEN
DISABLED SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING
OF TWENTY TEN?
OF COURSE, I COULDN'T FIND THE WORDS THEN.


HELP ME TO FORGIVE ALL OF THEM,
MY SWEET JESUS,
AND I QUOTE MYSELF HERE,
"UNFORGIVNESS WEIGHS."
THE USHERS AND THEIR FRIENDS AND THEIR FAMILY
WHO WERE APPARENTLY UPSET THAT I HAD THE
BRAVERY
TO SIT WHERE THEY HAVE ALL BEEN
SITTING ALL TOGETHER FOREVER IT SEEMED TO ME
WERE AFFRONTED.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DIDN'T SEE
YOUR NAMES ETCHED ON THE PEW.


TO THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ATTEND CHURCH
ON A REGULAR BASIS,
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
I MEAN, IT'S HARD ENOUGH NOT BEING ABLE
TO WALK THE FEW SHORT FEET FROM MY BED
WHERE I NEED TO REST EVERY DAY
TO MY THE KITCHEN SO I CAN GET SOMETHING
TO EAT
WITHOUT MY BACK COLLAPSING.
HAVE A LITTLE SYMPATHY.
BUT NO PITY, PLEASE,
BECAUSE I AM THE WAY
MY SWEET JESUS MADE ME
A REASON,
A SEASON,
THE THORN IN MY SIDE,
TEMPORARY.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
NOTHING WHEN YOU TRY TO INVISION
SPENDING ETERNITY PRAISING GOD
AND SITTING AT THE BEAUTIFUL FEET
OF MY SWEET JESUS.




PSALM 59:16--BUT I WILL SING OF YOUR STRENGTH, IN THE MORNING I WILL SING OF YOUR LOVE; FOR YOU ARE MY FORTRESS, MY REFUGE IN TIMES OF TROUBLE.