THE SON (UPDATED)

THIS PAIN IS SO DISTURBINGLY

INTENSE.

CAN'T I PLEASE

JUST STAY

IN MY BED

AND NOT FACE TODAY.

GOD WILLING

THERE WILL BE OTHERS.

'PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS'

SOME PEOPLE LECTURE ME.

I'M NOT FAKING IT,

IT REALLY HAPPENED,

AND, YES,

THE PAIN

IS THAT

INTENSE.

I DARE YOU

TO WALK IN MY SHOES,
SO TO SPEAK,
(DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME,
BUT MOST TIMES
I NEED TO USE A WHEELCHAIR.)

I KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS

HURTING

TOO,

AND EVEN MORE

THAN ME.

THAT'S WHY I WRITE,

THAT'S WHY I SHARE
MY DEEPEST HURTS,
THE SCARS
THAT MAY NEVER
DISAPPEAR,

AND TO REMIND MYSELF

THAT I AM NOT ALONE,

AS I GAZE OUT
AND PRAY IN SUPPLICATION

TO THE ONE AND ONLY SON.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:7

FOR WE LIVE BY FAITH,

NOT BY SIGHT

UNCEASINGLY

I STRONGLY BELIEVE

THAT FOR NOW

WE SEE

THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY.

THIS LIFE IS BUT A TEST.

WE HAVE YET

TO SEE THE BEST.

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF,

BUT STAY ON YOUR TOES.

PRAY UNCEASINGLY,

FOR NO ONE KNOWS

THE DAY OR THE HOUR

WHEN WE WILL BE RETURNED

TO WHERE WE BELONG,

PRAISING OUR KING
UNCEASINGLY. 

1 CORINTHIANS 13:12

FOR NOW WE SEE ONLY A REFLECTION AS IN A MIRROR.

REFLECTIONS

THERE IS A VERY LARGE COLD HOLE
DEEP INSIDE MY SOUL.
WAS IT MY RUTHLESS FATHER
OR UNCARING MOTHER
OR BRUTISH SISTER
OR EMBARRESSED COUSINS,
AUNTS,
UNCLES
AND GRANDPARENTS
THAT STRETCHED THIS COLD HOLE
DEEP INSIDE MY SOUL
UNTIL IT JUST BECAME
NO ONE'S BLAME.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD ME.
AND WHO AM I
TO QUESTION WHY?
JUST THE SILLY ONE
WHO LOOKED TOO MUCH LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON.
UNLUCKY TO BE BORN
LOOKING TOO MUCH LIKE THE FIRSTBORN SON
IT'S NOT MY FAULT,
AND I LOVED HIM,
SO I THINK IT'S COOL
WHEN I GLANCE IN THE MIRROR
TO SEE MY UNCONDITIONALLY 
LOVING
FATHER 
STARING BACK
REFLECTING MY SOUL.

HE IS WAITING (REVISED)

HERE I AM,
HERE I STAND.
SEVERAL TIMES I'VE WALKED AWAY
AND STAYED IN THE PIT 
FAR TOO LONG.
I KNOW I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD LEFT,
AND I KNEW DOWN IN MY HEART 
THAT WASN'T RIGHT.
BUT WHAT WAS I TO DO
WHEN I WASN'T BEING 
LED TO THE LIGHT?
HOW COULD ALL THAT FIGHTING
BRING A CHILD TO THE LORD?
ALL I WANT TO DO WHEN THINGS GO WRONG
IS TO RUN 
AS FAST AS I CAN
TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER WORLD,
ANY PLACE WHERE I BELONG,
BECAUSE I DON'T BELONG HERE.
THIS IS NOT MY HOME.
BUT I PRAISE GOD
AND THANK HIM FOR WAITING.
HE HAS MUCH MORE PATIENCE 
THAN I EVER COULD.
I WOULD HAVE LEFT ME 
A LONG TIME AGO. 
BUT THERE JESUS WAITED PATIENTLY, ARMS OPENED WIDE.
YOU SEE, GOD IS NEVER 
THE ONE WHO LEAVES.
IT IS WE WHO GO ASTRAY.
BUT GOD IS STILL THERE 
WAITING FOR US.
HE WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU.

HIS WINGS

THE PAIN
IS ALWAYS THE SAME.
IT NEVER GOES AWAY,
AND NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND.
WHY AM I ALWAYS HAVING
TO JUSTIFY THE NEED FOR RELIEF,
WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST LOOK AT THE PAIN IN MY FACE?
I'M TIRED OF IT, TOO,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO REALLY HEAR IT
BECAUSE YOU MOST LIKELY CAN'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GO THROUGH.
DAY AFTER DAY  IT NEVER GOES AWAY.
WITHOUT THE LOVING WINGS OF GOD,
I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO.

I CAN'T TRY HARDER (OK, I GUESS I CAN) ((REVISED))

I CAN'T TRY ANY HARDER
THAN I ALREADY HAVE.
OKAY, MAYBE I CAN.
ALL MY PEACE
HAS SNEEKINGLY BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.
THEY STOLE IT
STRAIGHT OUT OF MY HEART,
STRAIGHT OUT OF MY SOUL.
HOW CAN I EVER GET IT BACK AGAIN?
I FEEL AS IF I'VE TRIED IT ALL,
BUT I JUST FEEL WORSE.
SO I GRAB MY BIBLE
AND START LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT VERSE.
AND THERE IT IS, POPPING OUT AT ME,
LIKE A PROPHECY.
JESUS HAS HIS WAYS.
I'M NOT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT,
BUT MY SOUL CERTAINLY FEELS ON THE MEND
AND, AS ALWAYS, I MUST REMIND MYSELF
THAT JESUS IS IN CONTROL.






PSALM 4:3 -- KNOW THAT THE LORD HAS SET APART HIS FAITHFUL SERVANT FOR HIMSELF; THE LORD HEARS WHEN I CALL TO HIM.


2 CORINTHIANS 5:7 -- FOR WE LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

FEELINGS (RVD)

HURTS AND
TEARS,
ALL OF THESE YEARS.
I TRY TO CLING TO GOD,
AND FALL TO MY KNEES.
THEN I GET INTERRUPTED,
AND THAT'S THE ABSOLUTELY LAST THING I NEED.
I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE,
I NEED HIM TO SPEAK TO ME,
COVER ME WITH HIS WINGS,
PROTECT ME.
HEAR THAT STILL QUIET VOICE 
I THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
I WANT TO BE CLOSER TO GOD EVERY DAY.
I ASK MYSELF WHAT CAN I DO TO BECOME
A BETTER WOMAN OF GOD.
I WANT TO SET AN EXAMPLE,
BUT MOST OF ALL,
I WANT TO BE THERE FOR SOMEONE
THAT'S BEEN THROUGH IT ALL 
AND TELL THEM THAT THEY WILL MAKE IT.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.
GOD IS THERE, RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE,
HE'S NEVER LEFT, HE'S JUST WAITING
FOR YOU TO COME OUT FROM THAT DARK PLACE
IN WHICH YOU'VE BEEN HIDING.