PRODIGAL DAUGHTER

IT HELPS ME, YOU KNOW,

THE TIMES I'M FEELING LOW,

LIKE TODAY,

TO SEE

THAT THERE ARE BROTHERS AND SISTERS

IN OTHER COUNTRIES

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE

READING WHAT I WRITE,

SIMPLE WORDS TO ME,

MORE OF A JOURNAL OR DIARY.

WAKING UP THIS MORNING,

FEELING SO SORRY FOR MYSELF.

AM I ALONE IN THIS?

DO OTHERS JUST FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T CONTINUE

OR DARE I SAY

THAT GOD HAS FORGOTTEN THEM

BECAUSE YOU'VE BEGGED HIM ON YOUR KNEES

UNCEASINGLY

AND CRIED

SO MANY TIMES.

I WILL HANDLE THIS PAIN,

FOR THE REST OF THIS EARTHLY LIFE IF NEED BE

IF, LORD JESUS,

YOU BRING MY SARA BACK TO ME.

SOFTEN HER HEART,

BE REAL TO HER.

HEAR HER PRAYERS

AND BLESS HER

BEYOND MEASURE.

MY BEAUTIFUL PRODIGAL DAUGHTER,

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

LUKE 15

WHY, OH WHY?

LORD, I DON'T MEAN TO QUESTION YOU,

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?

AND NOW YOU'RE ASKING

THE WEAKEST ONE

TO GO OUT AND SPREAD YOUR WORD.

HOW AM I TO DO THAT?

HOW?

I'M BROKEN,

BOTH MY BODY AND MY SOUL.

I AM SO TIRED

OF ALL OF THIS FIGHTING,

TRYING TO FORGIVE AND FORGET

WHAT THEY DID TO ME.

THEY WON'T EVEN ADMIT IT.

I THINK THAT'S WHAT HURTS THE MOST.

PLUS YOU PUT THIS

OVER-SENSITIVE SOUL

INTO THIS PIT OF SNAKES.

EVEN TO THIS DAY,

SHE MAKES ME CRY.

AND I CAN'T EVEN LOOK IN THE MIRROR

FOR FEAR OF SEEING THE MONSTER

SHE CONVINCED ME I WAS.

AND NOW THIS PAIN,

EVERY DAY,

ALL THE TIME,

SOMETIMES WORSE,

NEVER BETTER.

HOW CAN I BE A GOOD WIFE LIKE THIS?

MAKE ME WHOLE, MY SWEET JESUS,
PLEASE.

CHANGE MY HEART,

HELP ME TO REMEMBER

THAT YOU KNEW FROM THE START

WHAT I WOULD BE WRITING NOW,

MAYBE HELPING SOMEONE ELSE,

AND THAT, NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES OR SAYS,

YOU ARE MY DADDY,

AND I AM THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE.

THANK YOU

FOR YOUR SACRIFICE
ON CALVARY.

DEUTERONOMY 32:10

IN A DESERT LAND HE FOUND HIM, IN A BARREN AND HOWLING WASTE.  HE FOUND HIM AND CARED FOR HIM;

HE GUARDED HIM AS THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.

AM I NOT DOING ENOUGH?

LORD, I'M DOING ALL YOU ASK.

I'M PUSHING THROUGH THE PAIN

AND SHARING WITH ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN,

EVEN THOSE IN THE HALLWAYS IN THE 

EMERGENCY ROOM

WHERE I LIE.

I SHARE ABOUT HOW YOU SACRIFICED

AND DIED FOR US

AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE US.

I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE ON THIS EARTH

WHO HAS BEEN HURT AS A CHILD

OR SUFFERED THROUGH A LONG UNLOVABLE MARRIAGE,

AND NOW THIS RIDICULOUS

CONSTANT

SEVERE PAIN.

HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG?

OR IS THIS MY DOOR

THAT I NEED TO ROLL THROUGH?

MUST I

SHARE MY HURTS AND SCARS?

REALLY?

WELL, IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME,

OR AM I WASTING MY TIME?

SHOULD I CONTINUE

WITH THIS RIDICULOUS RHYME?

ARE YOU LISTENING?

IS THIS MY THING?

WRITING TO THOSE

THAT I PROBABLY WILL NEVER KNOW,

SHARING THE DEEPEST PART OF ME,

AND PRAYING THAT THEY HEAR

THE MESSAGE I'M TRYING TO SEND:

THAT JESUS BRIDGED THE GAP

BETWEEN US AND GOD

WHEN HE SACRIFICED

HIS LIFE,

SHED HIS BLOOD,

WAS MADE FUN OF,

AND DIED

BECAUSE OF OUR SIN,

BECAUSE OF US.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT HE ROSE AGAIN,

HE HAS THE KEYS.

JUST OPEN YOUR HEART

AND LET HIM IN.

AND NO MATTER

THE CIRCUMSTANCE

JESUS WILL LEAD YOU THROUGH.

REVELATION 1:18

I AM THE LIVING ONE; I WAS DEAD, AND NOW LOOK, I AM ALIVE FOR EVER AND EVER! AND I HOLD THE KEYS TO DEATH AND HADES.

BUT I AM

YOU TELL ME TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD

AND TELL THE LOST ABOUT THE

SACRIFICE OF THE LORD,

BUT I AM.

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN

FROM HOME

ON THE WORLDWIDE WEB.

YOU SEE,

I USE A WHEELCHAIR MOST OF THE TIME,

CAN ONLY WALK A FEW STEPS,

AND I HAVE TO SIT DOWN TO GET DRESSED.

(DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA.")

ALL THE TIME THINKING TO MYSELF,

'I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THIS."

 BEFORE MY ACCIDENT,

I HAD JUST FINISHED SWIMMING,

NON-STOP I MUST ADD,

TWO AND A HALF MILES,

WHICH I'VE BEEN ASSURED,

IS IRON MAN LENGTH.

I KNOW

I WAS IN A POOL

BUT I REFUSE TO SWIM

WHERE I CAN'T SEE THE BOTTOM.

WHO KNOWS WHAT MAY BE DOWN THERE?

WHEN I SWAM,

IT WAS MY ALONE TIME WITH THE LORD.

I'VE BEEN SWIMMING SINCE I WAS ZERO,

PROBABLY LEARNED HOW TO SWIM IN A DITCH

ON THE COTTON FARM;

I'M NOT SURE.

ALL I KNOW IS HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED THOSE

TIMES WHEN I WOULD LISTEN TO MY PRAISE AND WORSHIP MUSIC AND PRAY

AND THANK JESUS FOR THE GIFTS

HE HAS GIVEN ME.

SO,

SINCE I AM AT THIS POINT

UNABLE TO SWIM,

AND I MISS MY ALONE TIME WITH THE LORD,

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,

I PUT ON MY I POD,

AND BEFORE I'VE KNOWN IT,

TWO TO THREE HOURS

HAVE JUST FLED.

IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING

TO HAVE MY TWO PETS AT MY FEET,

BE COMFORTABLE IN MY BED,

AND STILL BE ABLE TO PRAISE MY KING.

I BELIEVE ONE OF MY MISSIONS,

WHY I WRITE SO FREQUENTLY,

IS TO ENCOURAGE THE MORE

UNFORTUNATE,

WHO ARE IN WORSE PAIN THAN ME,

AND MAYBE SOMEONE BELIEVES

THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD

THAT COULD EVER UNDERSTAND

HOW THEY FEEL,

WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH.

YOU ARE WRONG.

YOU SEE,

THERE IS THIS MAN NAMED JESUS

THAT STRETCHED OUT HIS ARMS THIS WIDE

AND WAS CRUCIFIED

TO CLEANSE YOU OF YOUR SINS

AND TO LET YOU KNOW

HOW VERY MUCH HE UNDERSTANDS

AND KNOWS

AND LOVES YOU SO.

YOU

ARE

NOT

ALONE.

JOHN 3:16

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM

SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.

DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME

PITY.

THERE IT IS AGAIN.

I WAS PRETTY SURE I HAD GOTTEN RID OF IT,

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN VERY GOOD AT HIDING THINGS.

I NEED TO BE SLAIN IN THE SPIRIT,

THAT'S WHAT I NEED.

I WAS HONESTLY SLAIN IN THE SPIRIT

ONLY ONCE BEFORE.

AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW IT FEEDS YOUR SOUL

I WAS STANDING AT THE ALTER

WITH LOTS OF OTHERS

WHO WANTED A TOUCH OF THE HOLY GHOST, TOO.

BUT I WAS BLESSED TO HAVE MY SWEET AUNT LINDA

LAYING HER HANDS

ON MY FOREHEAD

AND

PRAYING IN TONGUES.

FOR ME

AND SUDDENLY

I FLOATED,

AS IF JESUS HIMSELF WAS HOLDING ME

ALL THE WAY

DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

AND THEN IT FELT

AS IF I WAS LYING

IN A BED MADE OF COTTON.

AFTER ABOUT TEN MINUTES OR SO,

OR MAYBE IT WAS AN HOUR.

I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER

BECAUSE THE ENTIRE TIME I PRAISING MY SWEET LORD,

EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T FORM A NORMAL WORD,

I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD THE ANGELIC SONG

I WAS SINGING IN MY SOUL.

WHO WOULD WANT TO EVER GIVE THAT UP?

1 THESSALONIANS 5:16-18

REJOICE ALWAYS,

PRAY CONTINUALLY,

GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES;

FOR THIS IS

GOD'S WILL

FOR YOU

IN  JESUS CHRIST.

PRAY THROUGH THE PAIN - REALLY? (WITH SCRIPTURE)

PRAY THROUGH THE PAIN.

THAT'S NOT MY MANTRA,

IT'S YOURS.

WELL,

OBVIOUSLY,

NOT YOURS,

SERIOUSLY,

BUT NOT MINE.

WHEN THE VERY FIRST THING

WHEN YOU JUST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

SLEEP STILL IN YOUR EYES,

AND YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING SO WELL LATELY.

PRAISE GOD,

SO THE PAIN IS FORGOTTEN DURING

THAT PRECIOUS TIME,

THE TIME JESUS LOVES YOU SO MUCH

HE LETS YOU REST IN HIS COMFY WINGS;

THE VERY FIRST THING YOU FEEL WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES

IS 
INDESCRIBABLE
PAIN

ALL OVER YOUR BODY

AND YOU NEED HELP JUST GETTING OUT OF BED,

AND THE FRUSTRATION HITS YOU,

NO LIE,

LIKE A HAMMER ON MY HEAD.

I USED TO BE SO INDEPENDENT

GOING TO AND FRO,

KEEPING ACTIVE IN MY HOME CHURCH,

HAVING LUNCH WITH MY FRIENDS,

MOVIES AND SHOPPING,
NOT TO MENTION SWIMMING
IRON-MAN LENGTH
(THAT WOULD BE TWO AND A HALF MILES.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT 
FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN SWIMMING
ALL OF THEIR LIVES?)

NOW I FEEL BLESSED

IF I HAVE
 ENOUGH ENERGY
THESE VERY ROUGH DAYS
THAT HAVE LASTED FOR YEARS
JUST TO GET DRESSED

AND OPEN MY LAPTOP

AND SHARE.

BECAUSE I KNOW

THAT OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS

ARE BROKEN, TOO,

PROBABLY MORE,

MAYBE ALONE FOR ALL I KNOW,

AND ALL OF THESE SIBLINGS IN CHRIST NEED TO KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY

TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF

OCCASIONALLY,

ONCE IN A WHILE

AS LONG AS JESUS

IS ON YOUR LIST.

JUST DON'T LET THE PITY

COME IN TO LIVE.

WHEN SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW OUR LORD

SEES ME, NOT HAPPY BECAUSE I'M IN A WHEELCHAIR,,

BUT HAPPY AND GLOWING

BECAUSE I KNOW MY LORD, LIKE NO OTHER,

CARES,

LOVES,

SHED HIS BLOOD

AND DIED FOR ME.

IT'S HARD TO ACCEPT SUCH LOVE

WHEN YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN IT.
BUT JESUS KNOWS HOW TO SHOW IT.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:17

PRAY CONTINUALLY

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL (UPDATED)

LORD, PLEASE DON'T LET ME 

TURN BACK INTO THAT SHREW;

REMEMBER THOSE TIMES?

I DID'T LIKE ME AT ALL,

NOT ONE BIT.
HONESTLY,
I DON'T THINK ANYONE DID.

I WASN'T A NICE PERSON

WITHOUT YOU IN MY HEART,

I WAS ONLY OUT FOR MYSELF.

HOW CAN YOU LOVE SUCH A SINNER AS ME,

WHEN IT IT WAS MY OWN SIN

THAT SENT YOU TO THAT TREE?

YOU SHED YOUR BLOOD
FREELY

AND WASHED ME CLEAN.

MY SINS HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN,

I HAVE A NEW LIFE.

MY BODY MAY BE BROKEN,

BUT IT IS WELL

WITHIN MY SOUL

FOREVERMORE.

I LOVE YOU, LORD.

...IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL