I HAVE I BELIEVE
ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS
MENTIONED
THAT I GET ALL SORTS OF VISIONS.
AND, NO,
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO LOCK ME IN
A DANK DARK STINKING DUNGEON,
I PROMISE YOU THAT I AM NOT SCHIZOPRENIC
JUST BECAUSE I HEAR GOD'S VOICE.
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE.
I HAVE ALWAYS, AT LEAST BEGINNING
AT THE TIME
WHEN I GOT SAVED WHEN I WAS FIVE,
LOVED SO VERY MUCH
TO PRAISE
MY GOD AT THE VERY TOP OF MY VOICE.
HE WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY DADDY.
IT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO.
AS A CHILD, I WOULD SING
IN THE CHURCH'S CHILDREN'S CHOIR.
BUT NOW MY VOICE IS NOT QUITE AS SWEET,
AT LEAST,
YET AGAIN,
ANOTHER THING I WAS LED TO BELIEVE.
BUT I KNOW THAT MY VOICE
IS SWEET
TO MY LORD JESUS.
SO HERE I LYE
IN MY BED
PRAISING GOD
JOYFULLY,
TEARS POURING DOWN MY FACE,
MY HEART SO WARM,
AND I SUDDENLY GOT THE HOLY SPIRIT
ALL OVER ME,
LIKE A WARM CHILL,
GOOSEBUMPS AND ALL.*
AND I STARTED GIGGLING
AT THE SAME TIME I WAS CRYING
AS IF MY LORD WAS EMBRACING ME.
JESUS KNOWS
EVERYTHING.
HIS LIGHT SHINES
INTO THE DARKEST OF DUSTY CORNERS.
I AM WEAK
YET HE IS STRONG.
JESUS,
BE MY STRENGTH.
OK,
YEP,
GOT OFF ON A LITTLE TANGENT THERE,
SO I WILL MAKE THIS U TURN RIGHT HERE.
AS I WAS PRAISING MY GOD SO JOYFULLY,
REALLY NOT CARING WHO HEARD ME,
AND MY DOG ELVIS WASN'T HOWLING,
SO I GUESS IT WASN'T AS BAD
AS I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT.
THIS IS THE VISION I GOT:
IT WAS A CHALK DRAWING.
(HEY! WAIT A SEC.
I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I USED TO BE
QUITE GOOD AT DRAWING IN CHALK.
I USED TO HAVE THE BLUE RIBBON TO PROVE IT.
HMM...JESUS?
DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE?)
ON ONE SIDE GOING ONE WAY
WAS MAYBE WHAT WAS A MODEL T.
HEY!
U KNOW WHAT JUST OCCURRED TO ME?
THAT MODEL T MIGHT BE
THE ONE
THAT MY GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
USED TO OWN.
OK.
SO,
INTERSECTING, YET MOVING
IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION
WAS A HORSE AND BUGGY,
MOST LIKELY BEING DRIVEN
BY MY HOWEVER MANY GREATS IF SHE LIVED
IN THE 1800s GRANDMA BETTY.
(FINGER ON CHEEK HERE, THINKING...)
IS GOD SHOWING ME THAT I AM ACTUALLY PART OF THIS FAMILY?
SO, I KNEW THAT MY AUNT BETTY WROTE POETRY
JUST LIKE ME.
BEFORE I CAME ACROSS HER BEAUTIFUL
LETTER SHE HAD WRITTEN TO HER DAUGHTER
I THOUGHT I WAS EITHER ADOPTED
OR JUST CRAZY,
AS I WAS, YES, AGAIN, LED TO BELIEVE.
(AND,
YEP,
REPETITIVE HERE YET AGAIN
I KNOW,
BUT I'M VENTING,
SO GIVE ME A LITTLE BREAK,
K?)
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT
TALKING TO MY SWEETHEART AND STRONG MAN-
OF-GOD UNCLE,
MY GO-TO GUY
FOR HELP WITH FINDING
SCRIPTURE
WHEN I'M WRITING POETRY?
UNCLE B IS ALSO VERY HELPFUL TO ME
WHEN I NEED TO BE SHAKEN OUT
OF MY PITY PARTY,
JUST LIKE MY AUNTIE.
(THAT IS WHAT BIG BROTHERS AND SISTERS
IN THE LORD
ARE FOR.)
MY UNCLE,
WHO IS SOMEONE I LOOK UP TO,
WHICH IS RARE
IN THIS FAMILY
FOR ME.
HE TOLD ME THAT MY MOST FAVORITE
PERSON IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE
EXCEPT FOR JESUS
OF COURSE
(BUT HE WASN'T REALLY A PERSON)
MY GRANDMA BILLY
WROTE POETRY TOO.
WOW!
DO YOU THINK MAYBE, SWEET UNCLE DEAR,
YOU COULDA MENTIONED THAT TO ME
MUCH MUCH PREVIOUSLY?
IT'S OK.
I STILL LOVE YOU.
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT GOD
HAD YOU TELL ME THAT
IN HIS TIME,
WHEN I NEEDED TO HEAR IT THE MOST.
AND THEN GOD BLESSED ME AGAIN,
NOT THAT I DESERVED IT,
KNOWING HOW MUCH MY
ALREADY SCARED HEART
HAS BEEN SHATTERED
INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES OF GLASS,
DROPS OF BLOOD INCLUDED.
AFTER YEARS OF UNCEASINGLY
PRAYING
ON MY KNEES,
SOMETIMES LITERALLY,
BUT MOSTLY FIGURATIVELY,
MY PRODIGAL DAUGHTER
SAID SHE LOVED ME
TWICE.
YES,
IT WAS IN A TEXT
HEART IMOGE INCLUDED.
HEY, I'LL TAKE IT CUZ NOW
I HAVE IT
IN WRITING.
MY UNCLE, WHO, HONESTLY
NOT TO MENTION THANKFULLY
HAS BEEN MORE OF A FATHER,
OR,
BETTER YET,
LIKE MY SWEET UNCLE J, A BIG BROTHER TO ME.
UNCLE J BLESSED ME
BY TELLING ME WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR
SO VERY BADLY FROM ANYONE IN THE FAMILY
THAT HE WAS PROUD OF ME
AND MY POETRY.
I LOVE MY UNCLES SO MUCH,
THEY ARE SO DEAR TO ME.
IT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE ACTED
AS FAMILY SHOULD.
VERY UNUSUAL IN MY FAMILY.
(AM I BEING SILLY AND BEING
REPETITIVE AGAIN? OH WELL.
AS I SAY, I GET WHAT I GET.**)
I MEAN,
FOR NEARLY ANYONE ELSE
(IMOGE HEART AUNTIE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.) IN MY BIO FAMILY
TO SAY ANYTHING NICE
TO ME
WOULD BE,
QUITE FRANKLY,
QUITE A SURPRISE,
MIGHT EVEN MAKE ME FAINT.
IS MY DRAMA QUEEN SHOWING AGAIN?
OR, DARE WE GO THERE
AND MENTION MY BLOG?
AND, YES, THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT
TO ME THE OTHER DAY, AUNTIE DEAR,
I DO STILL CARE,
IT DOES STILL HURT
LIKE A DULL KNIFE IN MY SOUL.
I JUST WANT HER TO BE PROUD OF ME.
THAT'S ALL.
I HONESTLY DON'T THINK IT'S THAT MUCH TO ASK
IF SHE LOVES ME LIKE SHE SAYS SHE DOES.
AND I'VE BEEN TOILING FOR SIXTY YEARS
TO HEAR THOSE WORDS.
OK,
MAYBE ONCE
I DRAGGED IT OUT OF HER MOUTH.
SO THAT REALLY DOESN'T COUNT.
I GUESS I AM FINISHED
VENTING.
AT LEAST FOR NOW,
CUZ,
AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE,
WHEN GOD PUTS ME THROUGH THESE
TORNADOES
I JUST HAVE TO WRITE MORE
AND MORE
POETRY.
JUST PLEASE,
IF YOU COULD TAKE JUST ONE THING
OF WHAT I WRITE,
REMEMBER
THAT JESUS LOVES YOU
AND HE SHOULD
ALWAYS
COME FIRST IN YOUR LIFE,
ABOVE ALL ELSE.
AND SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH HIM
CUZ HE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
I SPEND
NEARLY ALL DAY LONG
WITH MY LORD,
NO LIE.
AND NOW?
THE BIG J AND I ARE BFFs.
NOW I'M GONNA GO DANCE LIKE DAVID DID,
AS MUCH AS I CAN,
LYING IN MY BED,
CEPT MAYBE NOT IN MY UNDERPANTS.
:P
PROVERBS 7:2-4
KEEP MY COMMANDS AND YOU WILL LIVE;
GUARD MY TEACHINGS AS THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE.
BIND THEM ON YOUR FINGERS;
WRITE THEM ON THE TABLET OF YOUR HEART.
SAY TO WISDOM,
"YOU ARE MY SISTER,"
AND TO INSIGHT,
"YOU ARE MY RELATIVE."
*WHOOPS! DID I JUST LET MY PENTECOSTAL SIDE SLIP?
**I GET WHAT I GET" WAS A DIRECT QUOTE OF A CHARACTER FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS THAT I USED TO WATCH DAILY, BUT NO LONGER, CUZ WHAT YOU PUT INTO YOUR SPIRIT IS WHAT'S GONNA COME OUT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE SQUEEZED
IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE,
DARK AND WHITE SWIRLING TOGETHER.
THAT WAS A VISION I HAD THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.
CALL ME CRAZY, I DON'T CARE,
CUZ FOR THIRTY YEARS I HAVE BEEN 100 PERCENT.
BUT, HEY, YOU KNOW AT THIS POINT I AM READY TO THROW MYSELF
INTO A DUNGEON.
NO.
SERIOUSLY.
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