HOMESICK

I SEE MYSELF IN A PICTURE,
AND I THINK 
JUST MAYBE
I DON'T LOOK QUITE AS BAD
AS I USUALLY THOUGHT.
BUT, UP CLOSE, IN THE MIRROR,
THOSE DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES
FROM ALL OF MY CRYING?
HOW CAN I HIDE THAT?

IT WAS RIGHT THERE,
THE ANSWER,
THEN IT WAS GONE.
POOF!
LIKE A VAMPIRE IN THE SUN.
WHAT HAPPENED?
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
HAVE I BEEN HANGING ONTO SOMETHING
I SHOULD NOT HAVE?
AM I BRAGGING TOO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF,
ABOUT MY POETRY?
BUT I ALWAYS GIVE YOU GLORY.
YOU KNOW THAT, LORD.
I WRITE AND WRITE AND WRITE
TO THE POINT OF EXPIRATION.
AND SPEAK IT
WITHOUT HESITATION,
WITHOUT SHAME,
YOUR NAME.
JESUS.
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I AM WEAK.
NOT JUST MY BODY, BUT HERE,
INSIDE,
INSIDE MY HEART,
INSIDE MY SOUL.
BUT YOU ARE STRONG,
YOU MAKE ME WHOLE.
YOU SAID, THOUGH, LORD,
IN YOUR WORD,
THAT YOU SET MY PATH BEFORE ME
BEFORE I WAS ME,
BEFORE I WAS BORN.
YOU SAY THAT YOU ARE THE SAME
YESTERDAY, TOMORROW, AND TODAY
ALWAYS.
YOU KNOW ME SO WELL
YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY HAIRS
I HAVE ON MY HEAD,
WHICH IS, IF YOU SHOULD
EVER
ENCOUNTER
MY HAIRDRESSER,
QUITE A LOT.

I TRUST IN YOU ONLY, JESUS.
I PUT YOU FIRST,
EVEN ABOVE MY HUSBAND.
I HAVE READ YOUR WORD,
I LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC
ON MOSTLY A DAILY BASIS,
EXCEPT THIS PAST WEEK.
WHEN I WAS A TAD
MAD.
I HAVE SPOKEN TO YOU
AND YOU TO ME,
SOMETIMES A LITTLE TOO CLEARLY.
SO I PRAY FOR WISDOM
THE SOLOMON KIND,
BUT YOUR WILL,
ABOVE ALL ELSE
BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE
THAT HAS EVER PUT ME BEFORE THEMSELVES.

WHY?
I AM NOT WORTH IT.
I AM A SINNER.
YOU CAN SEE THAT.
THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE HIDDEN
FROM YOU.
YOUR LIGHT SHINES
INTO THE STINKIEST
COBWEBS EVERYWHERE
SPIDERS AND OTHER CREEPY THINGS
CORNERS.
IN THE DARK.
IN THE NIGHT.
IN THE DAY.
YOUR LIGHT SHINES
ALWAYS,
EVERYWHERE,
ALL OF THE TIME,
SPACE,
CONTINUUM.

I HAVE TO HOLD ON TO YOU
FOR I WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT YOU.
I WOULD HAVE TAKEN A DIFFERENT PATH
OR JUST SAT ON THE FENCE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
GOTTEN FAT.
GLUTTONY IS A SIN, TOO.

BUT WE ARE TALKING ETERNITY HERE.
AND AS I GET OLDER,
AND I GET CLOSER TO THE END
OF THIS O SO WEARY ROAD,
ETERNITY WITHOUT YOU
SOUNDS LIKE HELL.

WITHOUT YOUR PRESENCE,
WHERE WOULD I BE?
WITHOUT YOUR HOLY SPIRIT,
WHO WOULD I BE?
WITHOUT YOUR SACRIFICE
FOR A FOOLISH SINNER LIKE ME
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE
WHEN I WAS JUST FIVE.
I REMEMBER THE FEELING IN MY HEART
SO CLEARLY, 
SO TENDER, 
SO VERY BRIGHT.
SUNSHINE.

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE,
LORD,
FOR EVER DOUBTING YOU.
I KNOW THIS PAST WEEK HAS JUST BEEN
A PART OF A LARGER PLAN.
YOU ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS FIRE
ONLY TO BE REFINED
SO I CAN BECOME
CLOSER TO YOU.
WHICH IS WHAT I WANT,
NAY
PRAYED FOR
BECAUSE I AM O SO 
HOMESICK.

JESUS,
PLEASE,
CAN I COME HOME?

PSALM 27:14

WAIT FOR THE LORD;

BE STRONG

AND TAKE HEART

AND

WAIT FOR THE LORD.