UNFORGIVENESS STILL WEIGHS

WE WOULD HAVE LONG CONVERSATIONS
ON THE DAYS WHERE I COULD WALK UP FRONT,
WHEN I WASN'T IN TOO MUCH PAIN.
I SHARED MY ABUSIVE PAST,
AND ONE OF THE MOST HURTFUL THINGS
MY MOTHER HAS EVER CALLED ME,
WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING
SINCE SHE HAS CALLED ME
SO MANY NOT-SO-NICE THINGS.
WE WOULD PRAY FOR AND WITH EACH OTHER,
AND YOUR PRAYER GROUP FROM YOUR CHURCH
SENDS ME A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
NEARLY EVERY WEEK
IN THE FORM
OF A BEAUTIFUL CARD,
SCRIPTURE AND A SWEET HAND-WRITTEN NOTE INCLUDED.

THEN YOU CALL ME THAT NAME
YOU KNEW WOULD HURT ME THE MOST,
YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ME,
YOU TREAT ME LIKE A CRIMINAL,
YOU LET THEM CALL MY SON A HORRIBLE THING
WHEN HE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU,
AS HAVE I.
BUT, OVERNIGHT, YOU CHANGED
AND LISTENED TO THEIR LIES.
YOU EVEN BOXED UP YOUR MOTHER'S TCHOTCHKIES.
WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?
IF IT WAS YOURS,
THEN IT WAS A SLAP IN THE FACE.
THANKS.

YOU SAW HIM SHOVE ME,
THEN HEARD HIM THREATEN 
TO SKIN A PART OF ME.
AND, SOMEHOW, THAT'S OKAY?
AND NOW I AM TOO AFRAID
TO LEAVE MY BEDROOM.
I AM SORRY AT THE TIME
I DIDN'T FILE CHARGES
OR AT LEAST FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER.
I DID FILE A POLICE REPORT, THOUGH,
JUST IN CASE.
AND DID YOU KNOW
I HAD TO BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL
BECAUSE I HAD SUCH A BAD PANIC ATTACK
THAT MY HEART RATE SKY ROCKETED?
NOT TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC,
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
WITH THAT HEART RATE,
I COULD HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK.


WHY IS HE STILL HERE?
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU LOVED ME
LIKE A DAUGHTER.
AFTER ALL,
I AM YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
NOT TO MENTION
SISTER IN THE LORD.

THE WOUND IS STILL FRESH,
AND IT REFUSES TO STOP BLEEDING.
I KNOW I NEED TO FORGIVE YOU,
BUT YOUR TURNING YOUR BACK
ON ME AND THE TRUTH
HURTS
DEEPLY.

AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP
JUDGING AND GOSSIPING AND TALKING ABOUT ME?
MY HEALTH OR LACK THEREOF 
IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW THOSE ARE SINS, RIGHT,
AND IN ORDER TO APPROACH THE ALTER AGAIN,
YOU MUST COME AND ASK FOR MY
FORGIVENESS?
SAYING YOU ARE SORRY
DOESN'T COUNT.
IT'S JUST NOT VERY HEARTFELT

BUT MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD.
HE WILL NEVER HURT ME IN ANY WAY
OR CALL ME NAMES
OTHER THAN HIS DAUGHTER
AND THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.
AND HE SENT HIS ONLY SON
TO BE SACRIFICED,
TO DIE
FOR CRAZY ME.

THANK YOU JESUS.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
I CAN EVER REPAY YOU.
I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY LIFE.
I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY HEART.
BUT SOMEHOW,
THAT DOESN'T SEEM ENOUGH.

LUKE 6:28

BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU,

PRAY FOR THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.

LUKE 17:3

SO WATCH YOURSELVES.  "IF YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER SINS AGAINST YOU, REBUKE THEM; AND IF THEY REPENT, FORGIVE THEM. "  EVEN IF THEY SIN AGAINST YOU SEVEN TIMES A DAY AND SEVEN TIMES COME BACK TO YOU SAYING, 'I REPENT,' YOU MUST FORGIVE THEM.