WITH A SILLY ACCENT
OR EVEN, GOD, FORBID,
THROW IN,
JUST FOR FUN,
A HICCUP OR A SNEEZE --
STILL WORKING ON MY BURPS.
I FEAR THO, EVEN IF I CAN
VERY EASLY,
CRY ON CUE,
THAT BURPS ARE NOT YET
PART OF MY REPARTEE.
JUST A SIMPLE WARNING
IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO TAKE OFFENSE.
WHAT HAS BROUGHT ON
THIS SELF-EXAMINATION
OF MY SELF-EXPRESSION
WHICH I PRAY
GLORIFIES JESUS,
NEVER ME,
YOU MAY ASK.
YOU DID ASK,
DID YOU NOT?
WELL, REGARDLESS, YESTERDAY,
WE, MY HUSBAND AND ME,
WERE CALLED INTO
A VERY TINY OFFICE
IN THIS GIGANTOR CHURCH WE ATTEND
BY A VERY YOUNG MAN,
A PASTOR HE SAID,
WHOM WE HAD MET JUST THE DAY BEFORE.
I WONDERED WHY HE HAD MADE A POINT
OF INTRODUCING HIMSELF TO US.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT IT WAS TO ENCOURAGE ME.
SO, CALLED TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE,
MY BODY ALREADY WRACKED WITH PAIN,
AND NOT HELPING THAT WE WERE
MADE TO WAIT FOR HIM
EVEN THOUGH HE HAD CALLED US
JUST THAT VERY MORNING,
AS IF IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
I AM QUITE SURE HE KNOWS I SUFFER
FROM SOMETHING.
THE LARGE BRACE ON MY LEG
AND THE WHEELCHAIR I WAS IN
WHEN I FIRST MET HIM
SURELY GAVE IT AWAY,
THAT I WAS DISABLED
AND IN SOME AMOUNT OF PAIN.
SO THE REASON FOR THIS 'APPOINTMENT'
WITH ONE OF THE ZILLION 'PASTORS'
AT GIGANTOR CHURCH?
IT SEEMS AS IF SOME GOSSIPING
AND JUDGING HAD BEEN HAPPENING.
NOT BY US,
BY THEM.
AND, APPARENTLY BY OTHERS.
WITHOUT EVEN TAKING THE TIME
AND CALLING ME
PERSONALLY
TO GET THEIR FACTS STRAIGHT,
THESE MEN DECIDED
TO COME TO THEIR OWN
CONCLUSION.
WHICH WAS COMPLETELY WRONG.
WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO MY
SENSITIVITY COMPASS YESTERDAY?
WELL, IT WAS ACTING UP.
BUT IN MY STOMACH.
I WAS EXCITED, THOUGH,
TO BE GIVEN A CHANCE
TO TESTIFY
HOW GOD WAS WORKING IN MY LIFE,
IN MY MINISTRY,
WITH THE SUCCESS OF THESE SIMPLE
WORDS I WRITE
ON TV.
YOUTUBE I MEAN.
SO I THROW IN SOME SNEEZES
AND HICCUPS
AND MY SOUTHERN ACCENT
JUST TO HAVE FUN.
GOD INVENTED LAUGHTER,
EMOTION.
HE WANTS US TO BE HAPPY.
BUT, WHEN I TRIED TO TESTIFY?
YOUNG PASTOR'S RESPONSE WAS,
AND I QUOTE,
"WHAT DO HICCUPS HAVE TO DO
WITH GOD?"
REALLY?
THAT'S YOUR RESPONSE,
RATHER THAN ENCOURAGING
A MEMBER OF YOUR FLOCK?
I MAY NOT BE A PASTOR,
BUT I HAVE READ GOD'S WORD
A TIME OR TWO
AND I KNOW THAT HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR TOO.
I WAS BEING
REBUKED FOR BEING TOO JOYFUL
REGARDING GOD'S PRECIOUS
SPIRITUAL GIFTS HE HAS BLESSED
ME WITH.
AND THEN I ALSO, TO MY DISMAY,
REALIZED THAT A CONCLUSION
SOME OF THE MANAGEMENT HAD MADE
ABOUT MY MARRIAGE AND MY HUSBAND
AND ME
WAS COMPLETELY MISCONTSTRUED
AND NOT CORRECT IN THE LEAST.
SO WE HAD NOT ONLY BEEN JUDGED
BY SO CALLED LEADERS
BUT GOSSIPED ABOUT AS WELL.
SWELL.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
THIS CAME AS A SURPRISE.
I HAVE NOT HIDDEN THE FACT
THAT I HAVE HAD THE OCCASIONAL
DREAM
AND VISION
AND REALIZATIONS.
A PROPHETTESS, IF YOU WILL.
AND I WAS SUDDENLY REMINDED
THAT THERE WAS NO SUCH THING
AS A WOMAN PROPHET
IN THE OLD TESTAMENT,
IN THE COMPANY OF KINGS.
DOES THIS, ME BEING BORN FEMALE,
MADE THE WAY GOD INTENDED TO MAKE ME,
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO,
I WONDERED TO MYSELF
LATE LAST NIGHT
AS I WRITE WHAT I WRITE,
WITH THE FACT THAT THESE MEN
WERE SO QUICK TO GOSSIP AND JUDGE?
THAT I AM FEMALE, I MEAN.
EVEN IF THEY KNEW ME, WHICH THEY DON'T,
OR EVEN HALF OF THE ABUSE I'VE LIVED THROUGH,
THAT IS NO EXCUSE.
YES, WE ARE GOING TO BE JUDGED.
BUT BY A SO CALLED PASTOR,
A MUCH YOUNGER BROTHER-IN-THE LORD?
DOES HE KNOW,
DOES HE CARE,
DOES HE REALIZE
THE NEGATIVE IMPACT HE HAD
ON MY MINISTRY,
MY WRITING,
AND HOW MUCH HE CRUSHED MY HEART,
SQUASHED ME DOWN
AS IF I WAS SOME KIND OF
DISRUPTIVE BUG.
THIS IS MY HOME CHURCH NOW, THOUGH,
SO MY HUSBAND AND I WILL CONTINUE
TO GO -- NOT FOR THE PASTORS,
BUT BECAUSE OF THE MUSIC
AND THE WORSHIP
AND THE FEW REAL BROTHERS
AND SISTERS IN THE LORD
I HAVE MADE FRIENDS WITH,
A DIFFICULT THING FOR ME TO DO,
AS, EVEN THOUGH I MAY PUT
ON A GOOD SHOW,
I AM STILL THAT SHY SENSITIVE TALL GANGLY GIRL THAT WAS CALLED STUPID AND UGLY NEARLY HER ENTIRE LIFE.
THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME MOVING,
IS THAT I KNOW I AM ON THE RIGHT PATH,
OTHERWISE WHY WOULD I BE ATTACKED
LIKE THAT?
NOTHING AND NO ONE IS GOING TO
KEEP ME FROM WRITING, FROM SHARING,
FROM ENCOURAGING, FROM LOVING
THE HURT AND THE UNLOVED.
FOR IT IS UP TO GOD ALONE TO JUDGE.
AND AS FOR THAT GOSSIPING THING?
THEY CAN TAKE IT UP WITH MY KING.
PROVERBS 15:13 - A HAPPY HEART MAKES THE FACE CHEERFUL, BUT HEARTACHE CRUSHES THE SPIRIT.
JAMES 5:13 - IS ANYONE AMONG YOU IN TROUBLE? LET THEM PRAY. IS ANYONE HAPPY? LET THEM SING SONGS OF PRAISE.
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