LIFE HAS BEEN KINDA
EVEN MORE THAN USUALLY HARD
THESE DAYS OF LATE.
I WAS RECENTLY ASSAULTED,
NOT TO MENTION THREATENED
BY,
AS I SHALL HERETOFORE REFER TO HIM AS 'BEAR'.
K?
THIS BEAR
BEING THRICE MY SIZE
SIDEWAYS
EVER SINCE I LOST OVER 80 POUNDS,
HONESTLY, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW
FEAR DOES NOT COME FROM THE LORD,
SCARES THE SHADRACH, MESCHAH
AND ABEDNEGO OUT OF MY SOUL.
WHAT BEAR WOULDN'T?
I AM STILL SO HURT AND FRUSTRATED
THAT THE BEAR NOT ONLY HAD THE AUDACITY
TO MAKE UP THESE NONSENSICAL
RIDICULOUS
LUDICROUS LIES
ABOUT MY SON AND MY HUSBAND AND ME,
BUT TO SHOVE ME, A DISABLED WOMAN
TWICE HIS AGE,
BUT TO ALSO
THREATEN TO
MORE OR LESS
SKIN OFF MY TATTOO
IF I WANTED A REFUND.
SO, YES, I ADMIT
I HAVE INHERITED A BIT OF A TEMPER
MOST LIKELY FROM MY GINGER
SCOTTISH ANCESTORS,
AND I TOLD BEAR,
FINE, IF HE WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THAT,
THEN LET'S GO THERE
AND DISCUSS THE MONEY HE OWES MY HUSBAND
FOR THE NOT-SO-WELL STICK A FORK IN ME
CUZ I'M NOT QUITE DONE,
DRAGONFLY TATTOO
(WHICH, BEAR, BTW, NEVER ASKED ME
WHAT COLOR I WANTED DEEJ TO BE {PURPLE,
LAVENDER, PINK -- PICK YOUR POISON})
THAT HE NOT ONLY DID NOT FINISH,
BUT I ASKED HIM TO
DO THE TATTOO FOR ME MONTHS EARLIER
THAN I HAD ORIGINALLY PLANNED
JUST SO I COULD HELP BEAR WITH THE EXPENSES
WHEN HIS DAD PAST.
I HAD ACTUALLY WANTED TO WAIT
AND HAVE IT DONE, ON MY RIGHT WRIST,
FOR MY 60TH BIRTHDAY.
CELEBRATE.
BUT IT WORKED OUT OKAY
IN A WAY
CUZ NOW I CALL MY DRAGONFLY,
WHO REPRESENTS REBIRTH,
DEEJ
IN HONOR OF MY BABY BROTHER, DOUG,
AND MY MAMA JAN,
WHO WENT TO BE WITH MY SWEET JESUS
LAST YEAR, RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
WE, THE SIX OUT OF EIGHT OF HER CHILDREN,
ALONG WITH MY NEW SWEET NIECE,
MAMA JAN'S GRANDDAUGHTER,
JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T MAKE THAT CONNECTION,
HAD JUST FINISHED DECORATING HER ROOM
FOR CHRISTMAS,
MAMA JAN'S FAVORITE HOLIDAY,
WHEN SHE BREATHED HER TWO LAST FINAL
SWEET BREATHS.
SHE WENT SO GENTLY INTO THAT QUIET GOOD NIGHT,
AS DID MY SWEET COCO INTO
THE SWEET BY AND BY,
JUST THE WAY I PRAY FOR ME.
BUT, HONESTLY,
I'D MUCH RATHER BE RAPTURED.
WOO HOO!
BEAM ME UP JESUS!
I STILL HAVE TO SLEEP WITH THE 'BRAVE BUNNY'
LITTLE CUTE PILLOW SHE BOUGHT FOR ME
IN ENCOURAGEMENT,
LIKE A BABY THAT NEEDS
IT'S BINKY
IN ORDER TO SLEEP.
SO, BACK TO MY STORY.
TALK ABOUT BEING A BABY,
BEAR YELLS OUT TO ME,
AFTER ME REMINDING HIM WE HAD ALREADY
PAID HIM
A LOT OF MONEY IN CASH,
"PROVE IT!"
EXCUSE' MOI'.
MY BAD.
I WAS NOT AWARE
WE WERE STILL IN GRADE SCHOOL
ON THE PLAYGROUND.
AND LITTLE MISSY,
SUPPOSEDLY A CHRISTIAN,
IS GOING RIGHT ALONG WITH THE SCARY BEAR.
GOOD TESTIMONY THERE
LITTLE SISTER.
I HAD EVEN TRIED TO HELP HER
IN HER LITTLE CANDLE MAKING PROJECT
AND BOUGHT HER SOME VERY EXPENSIVE
AROMATHERAPY SCENT,
YLANG YLANG,
FIFTY BUCKS FOR A TINY ITSY BITSY BOTTLE.
CAN YOU SAY THE WORD
'HYPOCRITE'?
CUZ YOU AND THAT SCARY BEAR
THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO MARRY
HAS LIED TO YOUR FACE
AND SAID WE HAD STOLEN
FOOD FROM YOU.
HEY,
AS 'THEY' SAY
THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDIN'.
BTW, WHO IS 'THEY' ANYWAYS?
HAPPY?
I AM,
CUZ JUST SAYING
SO TO SPEAK
EVERYTHING
OUT LOUD,
WRITING IN MY DIARY
ALMOST EVERY DAY,
GIVES ME COMFORT,
PEACE,
KNOWING,
SHOWING
SOMEHOW THAT I AM SAYING,
AS I HONESTLY TRY,
ENDEAVOR,
DECLARE,
CONFESS THE TRUTH
TO MY SWEET JESUS,
MY KING,
WHO HAS FORGIVEN ME
EVERYTHING
BY HIS SACRIFICAL BLOOD,
SO THAT OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN HURT
IN ANY INCONEIVABLE WAY,
BY SELFISH 'PEOPLE' LIKE YOU
CAN BE HELPED
SOMEHOW.
WIPE YOUR FEET;
MOVE ON.
THEIR TOXICITY IN AND OF ITSELF
DOESN'T MAKE EVEN THINKING
ABOUT EITHER OF THEM
FOR LESS THAN
HALF A SPLIT SECOND
WORTH IT
TO YOU.
AS A WISE WOMAN ONCE SAID
"UNFORGIVENESS WEIGHS YOU DOWN."
HMMMM.....WAS THAT MOI'.
IT JUST HURTS ME,
THE UNFORGIVENESS
I MEAN.
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW IS NOT JUST A SAYING,
IT'S IN THE BIBLE.
BUT AFTER LOOKING AT BEAR'S
SO VERY OBVISOULY NOT CHRISTIAN
FACEBOOK PAGE,
(THEY LET BEARS ON FACEBOOK?)
IT DOESN'T LOOK TO ME
AS IF EITHER ONE OF YOU ARE LIVING
AS YOU SHOULD,
ACCORDING TO GOD'S WORD
THAT YOU SUPPOSEDLY KNOW.
BUT IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS
CUZ I HAVE THIS THING CALLED
'STAYING ON COURSE',
LETTING GOD PILOT MY LITTLE CANOE,
LETTING GO OF THE WHEEL
AND JUST RIDING,
FLOATING.
CUZ,
YOU SEE,
I BELIEVE JESUS KNOWS THE WAY.
WELL, HE IS THE WAY.
I SHALL TAKE ARTISTIC LICENSE
AND REPEAT MYSELF -
CAN YOU SAY 'HYPOCRITE'?
BUT I AM NOT WITHOUT SIN,
SO I SHALL NOT THROW STONES
AT YOUR GLASS HOUSE
THAT SHALL SOON SHATTER
INTO TINY LITTLE BITS AND PIECES,
EVERYWHERE,
NEVER TO BE PUT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN,
AS ALL THE KING'S MEN
DID
FOR HUMPTY DUMPTY.
REMEMBER THAT STORY?
I'M NOT GONNA JUDGE,
BUT,
YA KNOW?
CUZ, SOMETHING I HAVE TO REPEAT TO MYSELF
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ON A,
NO LIE,
DAILY BASIS,
ULTIMATELY, FOREVER AND ALWAYS,
MY GOD IS IN CONTROL.
I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT HELP THOSE TWO.
I PROMISE YOU,
EXCEPT JUST YELLING AT THEM FROM THE
BIG BACK YARD ONE MORNING,
VENTING.
IT HELPS ME SOMETIMES
TO VENT TO MYSELF.
HEY, LIKE YOU HAVEN'T DONE SO
AT SOME TIME OR OTHER.
I MEAN VENT,
MUMBLE TO YOURSELF.
IF NOT, NO WORRIES,
YOU WILL WHEN YOU GET OLDER.
WELL, AS I HAVE STATED BEFORE,
HELLO, MY NAME IS STEVIE,
AND I AM THE QUEEN OF PASSIVA/AGRESSIVA.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE THAT DAY,
THO,
THANK YOU LORD,
AND I WAS ABLE TO MEET THE NICE GENTLEMAN
AND HIS DOGS
THAT LIVE NEXT DOOR.
SO, I USUALLY DON'T GO OUTSIDE
WHEN MY HUSBAND ISN'T HOME
CUZ I TEND TO FALL A LOT,
'TIMBER'.
AND HAVE TO HAVE THE SWEET PARAMEDICS
AND FIREMEN
COME AND HELP
LIKE THEY HAVE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
SO MANY TIMES
THEY EVEN KNOW THE NAMES OF MY DOGS.
PS: THEY HAD TO COME THE DAY I WROTE
THIS LITTLE MISSIVE,
AND THEY WERE AS SWEET AS EVER.
I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN THEY HAVE
TO COME AND HELP ME OUT
WHEN I'VE HAD YET ANOTHER ACCIDENT.
YOU SEE,
IF YOU HAVE READ ANY OF MY POETRY,
YOU WOULD KNOW
THAT I WAS BROUGHT UP
THAT IT WAS SHAMEFUL
TO CRY OR SHOW PAIN IN FRONT OF OTHERS,
ESPECIALLY
IF YOUR PRECIOUS OLDER BY 19 MONTHS
BIO-SISTER
HAD CONTRACTED POLIO WHEN SHE WAS JUST TWO,
THE SAME YEAR THE ACTUAL POLIO VACCINE,
THAT THEY ALWAYS GAVE TO US LITTLE UNS
IN A SUGAR CUBE
THAT YEAR WAS TAINTED.
SO MY MOTHER DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT
TO GIVE SWEET BIO-SIS THE VACCINE,
SO SHE DECIDED IT WASN'T WORTH THE RISK,
BUT BIO-SIS,
THE OLDEST CHILD, GRANDCHILD,
GREAT GRANDCHILD...WHATEVER,
WELL, I THINK YOU GET MY DRIFT,
CONTRACTED POLIO IN HER LEG.
AND WHY O WHY
DID SHE FIND THE NEED
TO BRAG ABOUT BEING THE OLDEST OF EVERYTHING?
I GUESS SHE FELT IT WAS HER PLACE
TO REMIND EVERYONE ELSE,
MOST ESPECIALLY ME.
BUT NOW I SEE SHE IS
A LOST LITTLE SHEEP.
OKAY,
I GIVE UP BIO-SIS.
YOU WIN.
YOU ARE THE OLDEST.
TA DAH!
HERE'S YOUR BALLOONS
AND CANDY.
TELL ME,
PLEASE,
HONESTLY,
DID I JUST SAY SOMETHING
JUST WAY TRES' HARSHLY?
THESE HEROES I PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED
HAVE BEEN TO RESCUE ME SO MANY TIMES
THEY KNOW THAT THEY HAVE TO LOCK
MY LITTLE GUARD-DOG DACHSHUND
IN THE BATHROOM
CUZ HE WON'T LET ANYONE NEAR ME
CEPT MY HUSBAND AND SON.
IN FACT,
HIS NEW NICKNAME IS LASSIE
CUZ ONE OF THE LAST TIMES I FELL
(I FALL SO MUCH, I'VE LOST COUNT),
I FELL HEAD FIRST INTO THE BATHROOM,
MY RIGHT ARM STUCK UNDER THE
UNDER-THE-SINK CLOSET,
AND AS I WAS YELLING OUT
AS LOUD AS I COULD,
WHICH REALLY ISN'T LOUD AT ALL,
ELVIS JUMPED OVER ME
O SO GENTLY,
THEN SAT RIGHT BY MY HEAD
AND STARTED HOWLING.
MY HERO.
BUT COCO, WHO WENT TO BE WITH JESUS
OCTOBER FIRST,
JUST ONE WEEK BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY,
ALWAYS HAD THIS SWEET LOOK ON HER FACE,
LOVING EVERYONE,
SMILING.
MY HEART IS ACHING SO,
SINCE COCO WENT TO BE WITH JESUS
(YES, I BELIEVE DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.)
BUT THE BLESSINGS
THAT HAVE BEEN FLOWING
OUR WAY
ARE SO ASTOUNDING
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE ME
IF I TOLD YOU.
BUT I WILL,
CUZ'
LIKE I SAY,
THIS IS , AFTER ALL,
ALL ABOUT ME,
I AM GONNA TELL YOU ANYWAYS.
BECAUSE OF ALL OF THESE RELENTLESS
ATTACKS FROM THE ENEMY,
REBUKING HIM BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS,
SIDEWAYS, ETC.
AND CONSTANTLY PLEADING THE BLOOD OF JESUS,
DOING MY SPIRITUAL WARFARE,
I WAS GETTING RATHER WORN, TORN,
I HAVE HAD THE AUDACITY
TO PRAY FOR GABRIEL.
YEAH, LIKE I DESERVE AND ARCHANGEL
TO BE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
SO THE OTHER DAY, MY HUSBAND, PAUL,
TOLD ME HE FELT THAT GOD HAD REVEALED
TO HIM
THAT THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL WAS HERE.
Oooooo..
GOOSEBUMPS TIME.
THAT'S THE HOLY GHOST.
WOW! WAS I SPEECHLESS.
AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT MOI'.
AND EVERYTIME I SPEAK OF THIS,
EVEN RIGHT NOW,
AS I AM WRITING THIS,
IT'S LIKE THIS BEAUTIFUL SOFT LIGHT
ENTERS MY BEDROOM,
WARMS MY SOUL,
TO MY VERY CORE.
AND THE WORDS
FLOW
FROM MY HEART
TO MY FINGERS
TO YOU.
HI. MY NAME IS SHERRIE SUNSHINE STEVIE
SCHREIBER,
AND I AM A JESUS FREAK.
PRAISE GOD FOR MEN AND WOMEN
WHO GIVE THEIR TIME AND THEIR VERY LIVES,
SACRIFICE.
TO HELP OTHERS THEY MOST LIKELY
DON'T EVEN KNOW.
(HEY! THAT REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE I KNOW.
I PRAY YOU KNOW HIM TOO.)
THEY, THESE HEROES, SHOULD BE
THE ONES
BEING PAID
THE OUTRAGEOUS MONEY
THESE SO CALLED MOVIE STARS MAKE,
LIVING AS IF THEY WERE ROYALTY.
LISTEN,
TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE AND
STILL CAN BE QUITE THE GOOD ACTRESS,
AS SEEN ON 'TAPE',
IF EVER GIVEN THE CHANCE AGAIN,
ACTING IS EASY.
IT'S JUST PRETENDING.
IT'S FUN, YES,
BUT NOT WORTH MILLIONS
WHEN SO MANY PEOPLE IN OUR OWN WORLD
ARE HOMELESS,
WITHOUT SHELTER OR FOOD OR HOPE.
SO, YES, I TOOK MY TWO DOGS THEN OUTSIDE,
AND SAW WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IT WAS,
AND REALIZED THE YOUNGSTERS UP FRONT
HAD DECIDED MOST LIKELY AT SOME
HUSH HUSH DISCUSION BEWEEN
JUST THE TWO OF THEM,
HAD NEARLY EVERY CHAIR
AND TABLE OUT THERE
AND MADE IT THERE OWN.
BEAR?
HE ACTS AS IF HE OWNS MY HUSBAND'S
MOTHER'S HOME.
HEY, 'MEMBER ME,
YOUR APPARENTLY
SWORN ENEMY?
I AM THE ONE THAT IS DISABLED
AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR JUST TO GET
ANYWHERE
OR CRUTCHES ON A GOOD DAY,
AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF A CHAIR
COULD BE AND STAY THERE WHERE WE PUT IT,
PREFERABLY UNDER THE SHADE SOMEWHERE,
BY OUR DOOR.
O, WAIT, YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT
I AM IN PAIN AND DISABLED
CUZ YOU ASKED ME ONE TIME
FOR SOME OF MY PAIN MEDICINE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IS ILLEGAL?
I GET SCARED SOMETIMES
BECAUSE IF THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH
THESE LIES AND SCARE TACTICS,
NOT TO MENTION THE BATTERY AND ASSAULT,
AND TELLING ME TO SKIN OFF MY TATTOO?
HONESTLY, WHAT KIND OF BEAR
DOES IT TAKE
TO SAY SOMETHING SO
GASPINGLY
GHASTLY?
YEP.
IT IS MY BELIEF
THAT
THEY JUST MAY BE COOKING UP
AN EVIL PLAN
TO SOMEHOW GET THIS WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE
ALL TO THEIR SILLY LITTLE SELVES.
BUT I AM A BIT
OF A CONSPIRACY THEORIST.
AND,
LOL,
GUESS THEY DIDN'T KNOW,
ALSO,
THAT GOD HAD PREPARED ME LONG AGO
WITH THE SPIRITUAL GIFT OF PROPHECY.
TEE HEE.
AND NOW,
THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL IS HERE.
O, THE WARMTH AND PEACE,
OF BEING HIDDEN IN GOD'S WINGS.
I DON'T DESERVE THIS SPECIAL TREATMENT,
BUT, HEY, I'LL TAKE IT.
SO GO AHEAD.
BUILD YOUR KINGDOM
ON THIS MORTAL COIL
THAT,
BTW,
WAS NOT MADE TO LAST.
CUZ I'VE BEEN WATCHING SOME CERTAIN
PERSON'S KINGDOM THAT HE HAS BUILT FOR HIMSELF
NEARLY ALL OF HIS LIFE
CRUMBLE,
WASTE AWAY,
RIGHT BEFORE HIS VERY EYES.
IT'S SAD.
HE REALLY,
WE ALL REALLY
NEED JESUS.
WHY DOES ANY OF THIS NONSENSE
THESE TWO SILLY LITTLE ONES DO
SURPRISE ME?
AND WHY DO I EVEN LET IT GET TO ME,
TAKING IT WAY TOO PERSONALLY?
I HEAR FROM GOD,
AND I KNOW THEIR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ---
KICK US OUT OF THE GRANNY FLAT
AND MAKE IT THEIR OWN HOME,
RENT-FREE, OF COURSE,
BEAR IS TOO LAZY TO SUPPORT
LITTLE GIRL, LEST HIS LAZY CRAZY BEAR SELF.
WE SHARE A VERY THIN DOOR,
AND BEAR TOOK IT ON HIMSELF
TO CHANGE THE LOCK,
SO NOW IT LOCKS
FROM THEIR SIDE AND NOT OURS.
THE LOCK THAT MY HUSBAND HAD INSTALLED
WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED
AND MOVED BACK HERE,
LOCKED FROM OUR SIDE
SO WE COULD HAVE SOME PRIVACY.
BUT, I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS AGAIN SO SURPRISED
WHEN
BEAR NOT ONLY REPLACED IT,
BUT WOULDN'T EVEN RETURN IT.
HE DECIDED IT WOULD BE BETTER
APPARENTLY
TO JUST DESTROY IT INSTEAD.
WELL, GUESS WHAT, YOU TWO YOUNG UNS,
YOU ARE WELCOME TO THE GRANNY FLAT,
CUZ GOD HAS AWESOME, WONDERFUL,
AMAZING PLANS FOR MY LITTLE FAMILY.
AND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I WANT TO STAY ON COURSE,
FINISH THIS RACE,
RECEIVE MY PRIZE,
AND STAY FOREVER BY
MY SWEET JESUS' SIDE
ALWAYS.
FORGIVE ME, PLEASE,
IF I HAVE BEEN REDUNDANT,
IT'S ONLY THAT I AM EXCITED,
CUZ,
I SWEAR (I REALLY DON'T)
THAT EVERYTIME I SPEAK OF THIS,
LIKE RIGHT NOW,
THERE IS A SWEET BREEZE,
A SOFT BRIGHT GENTLE LIGHT,
AND WARM GOOSEBUMPS LOVINGLY
ENFOLD ME
AND TELLS ME WHAT TO WRITE IN THIS DIARY
I HAVE SHARED WITH THE WORLD.
I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS.
GET BEHIND ME, SATAN,
YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME
AND MY LITTLE HAPPY FAMILY.
MATTHEW:43-48 -- "YOU HAVE HEARD THAT IT WAS SAID, 'LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AND HATE YOUR ENEMY.' BUT I TELL YOU, LOVE YOUR ENEMIES AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO PERSECUTE YOU THAT YOU MAY BE CHILDREN OF YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN. HE CAUSES HIS SUN TO RISE ON THE EVIL AND THE GOOD, AND SENDS RAIN ON THE RIGHTEOUS AND UNRIGHTEOUS...
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