NO LIES.
STICK A FORK IN ME
'CUZ I'M DONE.
I'M DONE MAKING EXCUSES,
TAKING THE BLAME.
JUST BECAUSE
GOD KNIT ME TOGETHER
IN MY OWN MOTHER'S WOMB
(UG...SORRY JUST UPCHUCKED
A LITTLE OF MY LITTLE BREAKFAST THERE.)
YOU IT SEEMED
COULD NOT WAIT
TIL DAD WAS OUT OF THE HOUSE.
YOU TWO.
(I KNOW YOU AREN'T READING
OR DARE WATCH ME READ IT, GOD FORBID.
BUT, COME ONE,
IF YOU CAN'T ADMIT, HONESTLY
WHO ARE TO ME,
THEN WHO REALLY
IS THE ONE THAT IS A LITTLE CRAZY?)
YOU COULD NOT WAIT 'TIL MY DADDY
WAS OUT OF THE HOUSE
TO RELENTLESSLY TAUNT ME,
LIKE TWO CROWS CLUTCHING AT MY SKIN,
DRILLING IT IN
ALONG WITH CALLING ME O SO MANY
HEART-WRENCHING THINGS,
AND HAD ME CONVINCED
MOSTLY
OF BEING STUPID AND UGLY
AND JUST WAY TOO MUCH SENSITIVE
WHICH, BTW, SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT,
SOMETHING THAT TOOK ME
ABOUT 50 OR 60 YEARS TO LEARN.
SO LISTEN TO THIS OLD LADY, ME I MEAN,
AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU
THAT YOUR THIS OR THAT
THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD,
WORTHLESS.
DO NOT TAKE IT TO HEART
OR EVEN LISTEN TO IT!!!
REBUKE IT IN THE NAME OF JESUS.
IF I WAS NOT SO SENSITIVE
THE WAY OUR MAKER
MADE ME
SPECIFICALLY,
HOW I WOULD I BE ABLE
TO FEEL THE FLUTTER OF AN ANGEL'S WINGS
ON MY CHEEK,
OR WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARK NIGHT
AND SEE THE BLOOD OF JESUS
IN THE FORM OF A BRIGHT RED NEON LIGHT
SURROUNDING THE TOP OF EVERY INCH
OF OUR BEDROOM?
HOW WOULD I HAVE KNOWN TWO DAYS BEFORE
THAT MAMA JAN WAS GOING TO BE WITH YOU,
MY SWEET JESUS?
THESE ARE JUST A FEW EXAMPLES
OF THINGS I HAVE,
NO LIE,
SEEN AND FELT,
AS A PROPHET
AND,
ACCORDING TO GOD'S HOLY WORD,
A PROPHET IS NOT A TRUE PROPHET
UNLESS THEIR VISIONS ARE 100% RIGHT ON.
WHICH MINE HAVE BEEN SINCE I RECEIVED
THE SPIRITUAL GIFT LISTED IN THE BOOK
OF FIRST CORINTHIANS,
CHAPTER 12, VERSES 7 THROUGH 11.
SO, GO AHEAD,
STICK ME IN A DUNGEON
CUZ, AFTER NEARLY 30 YEARS,
IT'S NOT FUN.
OK. SOMETIMES IT'S PRETTY COOL.
THEY ARE HERE TO PROTECT ME,
MY ANGELS I MEAN,
AND I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR GABRIEL
TO HELP, BUT GOD SENT MICHAEL INSTEAD,
CUZ OF THAT MAN.
YOU KNOW THE ONE?
I CALL HIM BABOON.
THE ALMOST RELATIVE TO MY HUSBAND?
WHO IS AT LEAST THRICE MY SIZE SINCE I'VE LOST
SO MUCH WEIGHT,
WHO ASSAULTED ME
RECENTLY.
I HAVE PICS OF THE BRUISES TO PROVE MY CASE,
PLUS A WITNESS AND A POLICE REPORT.
WANNA SEE UM?
GO AHEAD.
DENY IT IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,
HIS AND HER BIO-FAMILY.
BUT I HAVE THE POLICE REPORT,
MEDICAL RECORDS
(I HAD TO GO THE HOSPITAL
'CUZ MY PANIC ATTACK WAS MAKING MY HEART RATE
SKYROCKET.)
AND, O, YEAH,
WE EVEN TALKED TO A SOCIAL WORKER.
SO, THERE.
YOU KNOW, IF SOMEONE CLOSE IS HURTING YOU,
CALL THE POLICE,
AND YOU WILL BE TREATED SO SWEETLY.
THE POLICE WERE PROTECTIVE,
GUARDIAN ANGELS IN THEMSELVES,
AND THEY PUT ME IN A SPECIAL WALLED-OFF
PRIVATE ROOM IN THE ER,
AND THE NURSE LOVINGLY RUBBED MY LEGS,
BEING PETITE,
BUT PROMISING SHE WOULD NOT LET
ANYONE GET PAST HER AND HURT ME.
AND THE DOCTOR
EVEN SWEETLY RUBBED MY SHOULDER.
DON'T BE ASHAMED.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE,
MOST ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE WHO IS CRAZY
AND HALF YOUR AGE
AND HAS THE GALL TO SHOVE A DISABLED WOMAN.
DON'T PUT UP WITH IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT USED TO BE IN THE 1960s,
WHERE, SHHH, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT
AND, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR STEALING MY BEST FRIEND AWAY FROM ME,
YOUR MOTHER.
THAT HURT.
(NO WORRIES. IF SHE IS MEANT TO
COME BACK INTO MY LIFE AS MY OWN DAUGHTER
DID AFTER A TEN YEAR ABSENCE. I'M SO HAPPY
'CUZ I GET TO SEE MY DAUGHTER ON MY BDAY!)
BE HONEST, AS I AM,
DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY IN SOME WAY,
TO HURT A FELLOW SISTER IN THE LORD?
ESPECIALLY ONE THAT IS TWICE YOUR AGE
NOT TO MENTION DISABLED?
IT BEGS THE QUESTION,
AND EXUCSE' MOI'
AS MY PENTECOSTAL BACKGROUND
SLIPS A LITTLE BIT,
"HAVE YOU BACK-SLIDDEN?"
JUST TO CLUE YOU IN,
ONE OF THE TWO DEBATES,
FOR LACK OF A BETTER PHRASE,
BETWEEN FELLOW CHRIST-LIKE CHRISTIANS
(THAT REDUNDANCY WAS INTENTIONAL.)
IS THERE ACTUALLY GOING TO BE A RAPTURE?
AFTER ALL, THE WORD RAPTURE
IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND
IN THE BIBLE,
BUT NEITHER IS THE WORD TRINITY.
(BEAM ME UP, JESUS, LIKE, NOW PRETTY PLEASE!)
AND,
SECONDLY,
IS IT ONCE SAVED
ALWAYS SAVED?
THAT'S THE ONE THAT REALLY GETS TO MOST CHRISTIANS,
INCLUDING ME.
AS I HAVE SHARED SEVERAL TIMES PREVIOUSLY,
WE LOST MAMA J.
AND EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS LIVING ON SOCIAL SECURITY,
SHE WAS GENEROUS TO A FAULT,
HAD THE SWEETEST SPIRIT
SHINING THROUGH HER EYES,
AND COULD MAKE REALLY GOOD APPLE PIE
OUT OF A FEW CRACKERS AND WHATEVER SPICES.
AND I DON'T THINK I EVEN EVER HEARD HER COMPLAIN
ABOUT ANYTHING.
BUT GOD SAYS IT IS NOT BY WORKS.
IT'S ONLY IF YOU HAVE NOT ONLY INVITED JESUS
INTO YOUR HEART,
BUT HAVE TRIED,
DESPERATELY AT TIMES
AS HAVE I,
(THANK YOU LORD FOR ALLOWING U TURNS)
TO STAY ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW,
THROUGH THE VALLEYS,
UP HIGH ON THE MOUNTAINTOPS,
AND,
HONESTLY,
SOMETIMES SITTING ON THE FENCE
AND THINKING THE OTHER SIDE
LOOKS MUCH MORE NICER.
THAT GRASS AND PRETTY SUNFLOWERS
AND SHADE FROM THE COTTONWOOD TREES
AND EVERYTHING
LOOK SO ENTICING.
EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN NEARLY A YEAR NOW
SINCE MAMA J PAST ON,
I STILL FIND MYSELF PICKING UP THE PHONE
TO CALL HER,
ASKING HER HOW SHE IS,
AND THEN TALKING ABOUT ME AND MY PROBLEMS.
AND SHE HAD A KNACK
FOR KEEPING ME ON TRACK.
AND I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION
THAT MY BABY BROTHER FEELS THE SAME WAY TOO.
HMMM....I MUST DO SOMETHING
THIS DECEMBER 15TH
TO PLANT A FLOWER,
FLOAT A BALLOON WITH A MESSAGE TO HER
IN HER HONOR.
(I DID, BTW.) MAMA J NEVER HESITATED
TO SPREAD GOD'S LOVE,
TELLING ME I WAS BEAUTIFUL
AND HAD A GIFT OF WRITING POETRY.
I WOULD NOT BE WRITING
IF IT WAS NOT FOR HER ENCOURAGEMENT.
AND LET US NOT FORGET
THAT HARDLY ANYONE IN MY BIO FAM
(YOU WHO DO,
A BIG KISS AND HUG AND THANK YOU,
AND MAY YOU BE BLESSED
BEYOND MEASURE.)
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR
IF IT WASN'T FOR MY BIOLOGICAL,
APPARENTLY TROUBLEMAKER FATHER,
TELLING ME ALL OF MY LIFE THAT I WAS PRETTY.
AND THAT LEADS TO THE OTHER "PROBLEM"
WITH SOME OF MY BIO FAM--
GOD DECIDED TO KNIT ME TOGETHER
TO LOOK LIKE A FEMALE VERSION
OF MY FATHER.
YEAH,
I SECRETLY PLANNED IT THAT WAY???
SEE, HERE'S THE THING,
I WAS MADE THE EXACT WAY
MY HEAVENLY DADDY PLANNED
LONG AGO,
AT THE VERY BEGINNING,
WHEN MY HEAVENLY DADDY SAID,
"LET THERE BE LIGHT."
SO, GO AHEAD,
DON'T READ OR DARE WATCH WHAT I WRITE,
NOT EVEN MY AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STORY,
A VERY LONG POEM CALLED 'BRAVE BUNNY.'
YES,
BB IS A BOY,
BUT THE FARMER IN THE STORY?
HE'S GRANDDADDY HARVEY.
HE'S BRAVE BUNNY'S ONLY FRIEND,
KINDA THE WAY I FELT BACK THEN.
AS LONG
AS I CAN TOUCH A FRIEND OR FOE'S
OR SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW'S SOUL,
THEN I AM DOING THE WORK
GOD INTENDED,
PLANNED,
EONS AGO.
THE BIG BANG THEORY? REALLY?????
I MAY NOT OWN MY OWN HOME,
DRIVE A FANCY CAR,
OR HAVE MUCH MONEY IN THE BANK.
IN FACT,
I HAVE HAD,
THANKS TO A NOT NICE CONGLOMERATION,
HAD TO FILE FOR DISABILITY,
A DIFFICULT THING TO DO
ME ONCE BEING A LONG-DISTANCE SWIMMER/
OKAY, SO,
THANK YOU JESUS.
I KNOW LONGER LIVE IN
A CERTAIN UPPITY NEIGHBORHOOD,
BUT,
RATHER,
THE INLAND EMPIRE,
WHICH MAKES ME FEEL AT HOME,
WITH THE SOUND OF THE CHICKENS NEXT DOOR CLUCKING AT NIGHT.
BUT, THANK GOODNESS IT'S NOT BLACK AS PITCH
AT NIGHT AS IT WAS ON THAT VERY-MISSED
COTTON FARM.
THAT'S FOR SURE WHY I HAVE TO HAVE
SO MANY NIGHTLIGHTS.
I'M SCARED OF THE DARK.
(HEY! US ARTISTS NEED TO BE SENSITIVE. IT'S A GIFT.)
AND, REALLY,
WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT
THE SOUND OF CHICKENS
WOULD BE A SWEET MELODY?
THEY ARE MEAN.
EVERY SINGLE TIME MY GRANDMA SENT ME
TO GATHER THEIR EGGS,
THEY WOULD ALL SWARM AROUND ME
AND PICK AND PECK AT MY ANKLES,
ALL THE TIME
AND ALL THE WHILE HAVING TO KEEP AN EAR AND EYE OUT FOR RATTLERS.
SO, WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS, YOU ASK?
YOU DID ASK, DIDN'T YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS I JUST HAD TO VENT.
O, ISN'T GOD COOL?
YOU SEE,
I JUST LOVE, LOVE, LOVE
TO START THE MORNING,
THEN GO THROUGH THE AFTERNOON
UNTIL MY HUSBAND COMES HOME,
AND EVEN FALL ASLEEP
LISTENING TO THE PRAISE AND WORSHIP MUSIC
ON MY PHONE,
AND I WAS REMINDED OF ONE MAJOR POINT
I HAD FORGOTTEN TO MENTION:
GO AHEAD AND BUILD YOUR KINGDOM ON EARTH.
THERE ARE A LOT OF KINGDOM-LIKE PLACES
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,
AND,
YES,
I AM JEALOUS WHEN I SEE THAT THEY HAVE HORSES.
GUESS WHAT?
THAT KINGDOM YOU HAVE SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
BUILDING
FOR WHATEVER REASON?
IT'S GONNA BE GONE.
ASHES TO ASHES. POOF!
NO KIDDING. HAVE YOU NOT READ THE BOOK?
MATTHEW 6:19 - "DO NOT STORE UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES ON EARTH, WHERE MOTHS AND VERMIN DESTROY, AND WHERE THIEVES BREAK IN AND STEAL. BUT STORE UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES IN HEAVEN, WHERE MOTHS AND VERMIN DO NOT DESTROY, AND WHERE THIEVES DO NOT BREAK IN AND STEAL. FOR WHERE YOUR TREASURE IS, THERE YOUR HEART WILL BE ALSO.
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