The Apple of His Eye (UPDATED WITH SCRIPTURE) (AGAIN)

I question if it's at all possible for someone like me

to make a difference,

to plant seeds.

As I lie here in my bed,
feeling completely
and utterly
pitifully
useless

my little dog, Elvis, 
snuggles
under the covers,
gives me comfort and warmth.

My laptop 
precariously lays upon my knees.
I fervently pray,
ask for direction,
then wait.
Will He speak to me today?
I have been studying His Word,
praying
preparing.
What do I have to say

at the end of a rather normal day?

And normal for me is being thankful for having the strength to get dressed 
and
if I have the energy,
hobble to my lovely recliner in our living room, turn on the little fountain to set the mood,
(something, honestly,
that I have not had the energy
to even contemplate)

and try to get down on paper
(well, you know what I mean)

the visions I've just lived through.

I open my heart,

share the wounds,

praying that someone can relate

to the painful memories

that plague me

each and every day.

There is absolutely no escape,

nowhere to hide,

no forgetting,

no one to take my side.

My father did, but he's gone now,

died on the cold floor 
all alone

in his bathroom 
in his home.

I never got the chance to say goodbye,

to ask him why.

Others in my family 

tell me

to just let go.

I'm not helping anyone

by dwelling on 

what could have been

and what went wrong.

Sensitive to the core,

inside and out.

I'll probably never change,

never stop wondering exactly who to blame.

But God is near,

and He has told me in His Word

that
not only does He love me,
but I am the apple of His eye.

So, for Him, I force myself out of bed, aches and pains and all,

so I can spread the word that God is there

no matter where you are

or
where you have been
or where you are headed.

Jesus has seen it all, 
as have I,
mostly,
but not quite as much,
obviously,
as
Jesus has.
And I beg you
to never forget
in both the happy times
and the pity parties
that

you, 
too, 
are the apple

of Jesus,
our Creator's
eye.

PROVERBS 17:8

KEEP ME AS THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE;

HIDE ME IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS.