HE LOVES ME

I WRITE AND I WRITE,

I PRAY AND I PRAY,

AND I CRY

UNCEASINGLY.

IS THERE ANY REASON

FOR ME TO CONTINUE

WITH THIS VANITY?

DOES ANYONE OUT THERE REALLY CARE?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE,

(AND, YES, I'M GOING TO TELL THE TRUTH.

WHY NOT? I'M 60.)

TO BE HIT TO THE POINT OF BLOOD BY THOSE THAT SHOULD HAVE

LOVED YOU THE MOST.

AFTER ALL,

I WAS A GIFT TO THEM,

A GIFT FROM GOD.

THAT'S WHAT CHILDREN ARE.

SO, HERE'S THE THING:

MY SISTER,

OLDER THAN ME BY 19 MONTHS,

GOT POLIO WHEN SHE WAS 2.

SO ALL OF THE LOVE,

FROM EVERYONE

ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY,

GAVE ALL OF THEIR LOVE TO HER.

I LOVED HER TOO.

BUT I WAS THE INVISIBLE ONE

BECAUSE I WAS "HEALTHY".

SO MY DAD ABUSED MY MOM

ON A NIGHTLY BASIS.

I STILL LOVED HIM THOUGH,

BECAUSE THERE WERE TWO CAMPS IN THAT HOME,

DAD AND ME AGAINST MY MOM AND SISTER.

SO WHEN MY DAD WASN'T HOME,

GUESS WHO RECEIVED THE ABUSE?

YEP, ME,

BECAUSE MY SISTER WAS TOO UNHEALTHY.

AND WHEN MOM AND DAD WEREN'T HOME,

WHICH WAS MOST OF THE TIME,

MY SWEET SIS WOULD EITHER HIT ME,

SIT ON ME,

OR LOCK ME IN A CLOSET,

OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.

UNTIL ONE BEAUTIFUL DAY

I OUTGREW HER.

NOW, THIS WAS DURING THE 1960s,

SO NO ONE DARE OPENED THEIR MOUTH,

NOT EVEN THE POLICE.

I'M SURE SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY KNEW,

SO WHERE WERE YOU?

WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP IT?

DO YOU KNOW THE SCARS I HAVE ON MY HEART

BECAUSE OF ALL OF IT?

BUT, LOOKING BACK,

I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN SAVED

WHEN I WAS FIVE

IF I WAS IN A HAPPY HOME.

HE KNEW I NEEDED A DADDY.

SO, MY PERSONAL BELIEF THAT BRINGS ME COMFORT

IS THAT SWEET JESUS

 CAME AND SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME IN THAT PEW,

PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME,

AND TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME SO MUCH

HE DIED FOR ME.

AND HE STILL LOVES ME SO.

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU?

JOHN 3:16