I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT (UPDATED)

OVER TEN YEARS -
A DECADE -
THAT IS HOW LONG I UNCEASINGLY PRAYED.
I MUST ADMIT, HOWEVER,
I DID STOP A FEW TIMES TO REST
ALONG THE ROAD,
ALWAYS
BEGGING GOD TO CHANGE ME,
MAKE ME A BETTER MOTHER
SO MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER
WOULD FORGIVE ME
AND LET ME BE A PART OF HER LIFE
BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE.
THEN, SUDDENLY, THERE SHE WAS
FLOATING AS A MODEL WOULD,
GLIDING
INTO MY HOSPITAL ROOM.
SHE HAD BROUGHT ME A COLORING BOOK
AND COLORED PENCILS.
AND SHE PULLED UP A CHAIR
AFTER LETTING ME HOLD HER TIGHTLY
AND SOBBING ON HER SHOULDER LIKE A CHILD.
AND IT WAS AS IF WE HAD JUST SEEN EACH OTHER
A DAY OR TWO BEFORE.

WE PICKED UP THE STRING,
AND THERE IT WAS AGAIN.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR SEVEN DAYS
(I LIKE THAT NUMBER),
AND THE DR. I LIKE TO CALL MR. JEKYLL
HAD THE DAY BEFORE I WAS MEANT TO SEE
MY SWEET LONG-LOST DAUGHTER
HAD THE AUDACITY
TO PERFORM MY ENDOSCOPY
WITHOUT ANY ANESTHESIA.
IT WAS JUST LIKE THOSE STORIES YOU HEAR
OF PEOPLE WAKING UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR SURGERY.

BUT, PRAISE THE LORD, GOD IS MY STRENGTH,
EVEN THOUGH I WAS SO TERRIFIED OF
SEEING MY DAUGHTER AGAIN.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT.

I JUST WANTED MY SWEETHEART BACK,
THE GORGEOUS GIRL I HAD THE PLEASURE
TO BIRTH.
AND, SUDDENLY THE TEN YEARS MELTED AWAY
AND THERE SHE WAS,
MY WOMAN-OF-GOD DAUGHTER
TELLING ME HOW SHE WAS TEACHING HER
LITTLE SISTER
ALL ABOUT OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.
I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN A PROUDER MOTHER.

I GUESS I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT,
FOR SHE TURNED OUT QUITE NICELY,
IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
O, AND BTW, I DID HAVE SOME HELP
FROM MY SWEET JESUS.

HEBREWS 5:16-18

REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, 

GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES;

FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS.

SEVEN DAYS

I WAS IMPRISONED BY MY LOCAL HOSPITAL,
SENTENCE: SEVEN DAYS,
SEVEN DAYS - A SIGN OF COMPLETION.
SO I HAD HOPE THAT POSSIBLY CERTAIN BAD
THINGS WERE FINALLY ON THE MEND.

BECAUSE OF MY SO VERY BAD BACK,
EVEN BEFORE WE MET
I HAD BEEN IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL
SO MANY TIMES
I'VE LOST COUNT.
BUT IT FEELS AS IF IT'S BEEN WELL OVER
ONE HUNDRED.
MAYBE SO.
SO WHEN WE FIRST MET
I CLEARLY REMEMBER PUTTING ALL OF MY CARDS
ON THE TABLE.

I EVEN TOLD YOU THE STORY
OF WHENEVER I HAD 
SEVERE CHRONIC ASTHMA ATTACKS,
MY EX OF 25 YEARS
COULDN'T BE BOTHERED
TO DRIVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL.
JUST TOO INCONVENIENT. 
I EVEN HAD TO DRIVE MYSELF
TO THE LOCAL HOSPITAL
AND FINDING OUT THAT MY LUNG CAPACITY
WAS
ZERO.
I COULD HEAR THE DOCTORS DISCUSSING
MY CASE
AND WHETHER OR NOT
I NEEDED A TUBE STUCK DOWN MY THROAT
SO I COULD BREATH.
AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO THAT POINT,
BREATHING ON MY OWN,
SHAKING FROM ALL OF THE MEDICINES. 
I DROVE MYSELF HOME.
AND WHERE WAS HE?
TUCKED IN BED,
SOUND ASLEEP.
JEEZE.
THANKS FOR CARING.
HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES A WIFE FEEL
WHEN YOUR OWN HUSBAND CAN'T TAKE THE TIME
TO RUSH YOU TO THE HOSPITAL 
WHEN YOU CAN'T BREATH?
AND COULD HE HAVE NOT JUST DIALED 911?

LESSON LEARNED?
LISTEN TO GOD
AND DON'T BE UNEQUALLY YOKED.
AND I'M NOT NOW,
MARRIED TO A CHRISTIAN MAN
NEARLY FIVE YEARS NOW.
AND YOU HAVE ASSURED ME
THAT THE LESSONS ARE HELPING.
AND WHEN I SEE YOU STUDYING GOD'S WORD
I AM ENCOURAGED THAT FINALLY
EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY,
I NEED NOT WORRY.
BUT, HONESTLY, I DON'T SEE
MUCH OF AN IMPROVEMENT.
THE TRIGGERS ARE STILL THERE
AND I'M SCARED
AND BLAME MYSELF
FOR BEING SO ILL ALL OF THE TIME,
I FEEL AS IF I AM LESS OF A WIFE
AND MORE OF A BURDEN.
I RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS.
AND THAT CRUSHES ME
JUST A FEW DAYS AFTER
MY SWEET BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OF GOD DAUGHTER
THAT I HAD NOT SEEN IN OVER TEN YEARS
VISITED ME IN THE HOSPITAL.

MY HEART WAS SO FULL OF JOY BURSTING THROUGH.
SHE IS AS SWEET AS CAN BE
AND IT FELT AS IF WE JUST PICKED THINGS UP
AS IF I HAD BEEN SEEING HER ALL ALONG.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT 
I SHALL NEVER FORGET.
I AM SO PROUD OF HER,
SINGING AND PLAYING HER UKULELE 
IN HER CHURCH PRAISE BAND,
RAISING HER LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLD SISTER,
TEACHING HER ALL ABOUT JESUS,
MOTHERING HER,
TRAINING HER UP IN THE WAY SHE SHOULD GO,
ALL THE WHILE SUFFERING FROM
RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS.
TEN YEARS
PRAYING UNCEASINGLY
METAPHORICALLY
ON MY KNEES.

AND I WAS RAISED THAT IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENED,
IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.
I WAS THE ONE WHO CAUSED ALL OF THE YELLING
AND HITTING
AND BLEEDING.
IT WAS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I HAD SAD
OR DONE.
APPARENTLY.
BUT I'VE BECOME TO REALIZE
THAT THEIR MEMORIES 
ARE A LITTLE TWISTED.

AND THIS 'GIFT' OF PROPHECY?
I SAW THIS COMING.
THE MIXTURE OF DARKNESS AND LIGHT,
NOT MIXING TOGETHER,
JUST INTERCEDING.

AND IT SADDENS ME
THAT MY VERY OWN PASTORS DON'T BELIEVE ME
EVEN THOUGH I GAVE THEM ABSOLUTE PROOF.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, YOU CONTINUE ON YOUR PATH,
REMINDING YOURSELF THAT PROPHETS
HAVE NEVER BEEN WELCOMED IN THEIR OWN TOWN.
SO SHOULD I DUST OFF MY FEET AND MOVE ON
OR JUST CONTINUE TO PRESS THROUGH?

MY THOUGHT INSTANTLY IS TO RUN AWAY
AND NOT TO HAVE TO DEAL.

I JUST STARE, STANDING THERE HELPLESSLY
WATCHING MY HOPES DRAINING AWAY,
WASHED OUT TO SEA.

BUT I'M NOT ON THIS WALK ALONE,
AND I KNOW RIGHT NOW 
BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH
YOU ARE CARRYING ME, MY SWEET LORD.

JESUS, PLEASE NEVER STOP LIGHTING MY FEET,
GUIDING ME DOWN THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS 
AND HOLDING ME CLOSE,
COLLECTING ALL OF MY TEARS,
AND SITTING BY MY BEDSIDE
IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT,
WHEN I FEEL SO ALONE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ABBA FATHER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
YOU BRING JOY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORST
TORNADOES.

ROMANS 5:3-5 - NOT ONLY SO BUT WE ALSO GLORY IN OUR SUFFERINGS, BECAUSE WE KNOW SUFFERING PRODUCES PERSEVERANCE;

PERSEVERANCE, CHARACTER;

AND CHARACTER, HOPE.

AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME,

BECAUSE GOD'S LOVE HAS BEEN POURED OUT

INTO OUR HEARTS

THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT,

WHO HAS BEEN GIVEN TO US.