UNFORGIVENESS STILL WEIGHS

WE WOULD HAVE LONG CONVERSATIONS
ON THE DAYS WHERE I COULD WALK UP FRONT,
WHEN I WASN'T IN TOO MUCH PAIN.
I SHARED MY ABUSIVE PAST,
AND ONE OF THE MOST HURTFUL THINGS
MY MOTHER HAS EVER CALLED ME,
WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING
SINCE SHE HAS CALLED ME
SO MANY NOT-SO-NICE THINGS.
WE WOULD PRAY FOR AND WITH EACH OTHER,
AND YOUR PRAYER GROUP FROM YOUR CHURCH
SENDS ME A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
NEARLY EVERY WEEK
IN THE FORM
OF A BEAUTIFUL CARD,
SCRIPTURE AND A SWEET HAND-WRITTEN NOTE INCLUDED.

THEN YOU CALL ME THAT NAME
YOU KNEW WOULD HURT ME THE MOST,
YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ME,
YOU TREAT ME LIKE A CRIMINAL,
YOU LET THEM CALL MY SON A HORRIBLE THING
WHEN HE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU,
AS HAVE I.
BUT, OVERNIGHT, YOU CHANGED
AND LISTENED TO THEIR LIES.
YOU EVEN BOXED UP YOUR MOTHER'S TCHOTCHKIES.
WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?
IF IT WAS YOURS,
THEN IT WAS A SLAP IN THE FACE.
THANKS.

YOU SAW HIM SHOVE ME,
THEN HEARD HIM THREATEN 
TO SKIN A PART OF ME.
AND, SOMEHOW, THAT'S OKAY?
AND NOW I AM TOO AFRAID
TO LEAVE MY BEDROOM.
I AM SORRY AT THE TIME
I DIDN'T FILE CHARGES
OR AT LEAST FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER.
I DID FILE A POLICE REPORT, THOUGH,
JUST IN CASE.
AND DID YOU KNOW
I HAD TO BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL
BECAUSE I HAD SUCH A BAD PANIC ATTACK
THAT MY HEART RATE SKY ROCKETED?
NOT TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC,
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
WITH THAT HEART RATE,
I COULD HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK.


WHY IS HE STILL HERE?
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU LOVED ME
LIKE A DAUGHTER.
AFTER ALL,
I AM YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
NOT TO MENTION
SISTER IN THE LORD.

THE WOUND IS STILL FRESH,
AND IT REFUSES TO STOP BLEEDING.
I KNOW I NEED TO FORGIVE YOU,
BUT YOUR TURNING YOUR BACK
ON ME AND THE TRUTH
HURTS
DEEPLY.

AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP
JUDGING AND GOSSIPING AND TALKING ABOUT ME?
MY HEALTH OR LACK THEREOF 
IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW THOSE ARE SINS, RIGHT,
AND IN ORDER TO APPROACH THE ALTER AGAIN,
YOU MUST COME AND ASK FOR MY
FORGIVENESS?
SAYING YOU ARE SORRY
DOESN'T COUNT.
IT'S JUST NOT VERY HEARTFELT

BUT MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD.
HE WILL NEVER HURT ME IN ANY WAY
OR CALL ME NAMES
OTHER THAN HIS DAUGHTER
AND THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.
AND HE SENT HIS ONLY SON
TO BE SACRIFICED,
TO DIE
FOR CRAZY ME.

THANK YOU JESUS.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
I CAN EVER REPAY YOU.
I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY LIFE.
I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY HEART.
BUT SOMEHOW,
THAT DOESN'T SEEM ENOUGH.

LUKE 6:28

BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU,

PRAY FOR THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.

LUKE 17:3

SO WATCH YOURSELVES.  "IF YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER SINS AGAINST YOU, REBUKE THEM; AND IF THEY REPENT, FORGIVE THEM. "  EVEN IF THEY SIN AGAINST YOU SEVEN TIMES A DAY AND SEVEN TIMES COME BACK TO YOU SAYING, 'I REPENT,' YOU MUST FORGIVE THEM.

WHERE DO I BELONG?

LORD, I TRY SO HARD,
KNOCKING TOO LONG
ON CLOSED DOORS,
SLAMMED IN MY FACE,
BRUISES ON MY ARMS.
REJECTION ACHES.

YOU WOULD THINK,
AFTER ALL OF THESE YEARS,
I WOULD BE USED TO THE REJECTION,
THE FAMILIAR FEELING
OF BEING INVISIBLE,
SHOVED INTO ANY CONVENIENT
DARK, COBWEBBY CLOSET,
LOCKED AWAY,
FORGOTTEN,
OUT OF SIGHT.

I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY MIND.

LORD, WHERE DO I BELONG?
RAISED TO FEEL AS IF I WAS
AN EMBARRASSMENT,
A MISTAKE.
AND GOD FORGIVE ME IF I EVER BECAME ILL
OR GOT HURT.
MY OLDER SISTER,
BY 19 MONTHS,
SHE OF WHOM HAS NEVER LET
A SECOND GO BY
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
WITHOUT BRAGGING CONSTANTLY
THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THE SPECIAL ONE
BECAUSE SHE WAS THE FIRST,
CONTRACTED POLIO WHEN SHE WAS TWO.
AND POLIO,
IN CASE YOU DID NOT KNOW
OUT TRUMPS ANYTHING,
EVEN A BROKEN/BADLY SPRAINED
FIVE-YEAR-OLD ARM, 
OR A LITTLE GIRL
NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATH,
SUFFERING FROM
A SEVERE ASTHMA ATTACK
JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO PLAY IN THE YARD,
IN THE FRESHLY MOWED GREEN GRASS
WITH HER FRIENDS.
AND
THE ONLY REMEDY
BACK IN THE DAY - 
A HOSPITAL STAY
AND A SHOT OF ADRENALIN,
WHICH ALWAYS MADE ME VERY SHAKY
AND SICK.

I ACTUALLY, THOUGH, HAVE FOND MEMORIES
OF HAVING BAD ASTHMA
WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN,
AND MY SWEET GRANDMA 
TUCKING ME
INTO HER OWN BED
AFTER A VISIT TO THE HOSPITAL,
SHAKING SO BADLY
I COULD HARDLY STAND.

AND AFTER ALL OF THESE YEARS
OF NEGLECT AND ABUSE
I WANT TO BE USED BY YOU.
AND I KNOW YOU SEE WHAT'S IN MY HEART -
ACTING AND WRITING,
BOTH GIFTS,
AND SOMEHOW,
FOR WHATEVER REASON,
I FIND BOTH TO BE NATURAL.

BUT MY QUESTION IS,
WHERE DO I BELONG?

WHY, JESUS,
ALL OF THE CLOSED DOORS?
WHY ALL OF THE 'NO WAYS',
AND,
MY FAVORITE,
'ARE YOU AWARE OF
WHO THE HEAD PASTOR IS HERE?
YOU MUST BE JOKING'
AND THE 'NO THANKS,
MAYBE YOU CAN TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR?'

HOW OLD AM I TO BE
WHEN A WINDOW OR DOOR
IS OPENED,
FINALLY?

MUST I DO THIS BY MYSELF,
WITH YOU PAVING THE WAY,
OF COURSE,
MAKING MY OWN DOORS,
STEPPING WAY OUT IN FAITH?
PUBLISHING MY CHILDREN'S STORY
AND VOLUMES OF MY POETRY?
WILL ANYONE OUT THERE
EVEN BE INTERESTED?
WILL THEY CARE
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?
THAT NO MATTER WHAT
YOU HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE
BY THOSE YOU LOVE,
THAT YOU ARE OKAY
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
AND TO TURN TO JESUS?
WILL THEY BELIEVE ME
WHEN I TELL THEM
THAT YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE
NOR FORSAKE THEM,
AND, NO MATTER WHAT,
YOU WILL LOVE THEM,
ALWAYS.
AND THAT THEY HAVE A PLACE
IN YOUR HEAVENLY KINGDOM.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

TRUST IN THE LORD

WITH ALL YOUR HEART

AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING;

IN ALL YOUR WAYS

SUBMIT TO HIM,

AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

STEPPING OUT IN FAITH...
EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
IT'S LIKE JUMPING OFF A CLIFF,
OR, 
TO PUT IT LESS DRAMATICALLY,
(GASP! DID I JUST SAY 'LESS DRAMATICALLY'?
WHERE, O WHERE,
HAS THAT CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED 
ACTOR GONE?)
TO REITERATE,
BECAUSE I, THE WRITER WRITING THIS, GOT A LITTLE CONFUSED AND LOST MY WAY THERE FOR A SEC:

STEPPING OUT IN FAITH
IS LIKE JUMPING OFF A CLIFF,
STEPPING WAAAYYY OUT
OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
BUT HOW ARE WE TO GROW
IF WE STAY WHERE WE ARE,
STAGNANT?

THIS IS ME:
LYING IN MY BED
DAY AFTER DAY,
TAKING IN TOO MUCH TV
AND NOT ENOUGH OF JESUS. 
AND HAVING TOO MANY PITY PARTIES
WHERE I FORGET
TO ADD JESUS
TO THE LIST. 
THIS 
IS NOT,
QUITE FRANKLY,
GOOD
FOR ANYONE. 

OKAY...WENT A LITTLE OFF TRACK THERE,
RAMBLING AS I AM WANT TO DO...

SO WHERE WAS I?
O, YES,
WE MUST
TRUST
THAT OUR FATHER
KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING,
HAD OUR ENTIRE LIFE MAPPED OUT FOR US
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING
OF EVERYTHING.
IF YOU DON'T FIND THAT THOUGHT AMAZING,
THEN,
WHAT?

SO,
RAMBLING HERE SOME MORE.
MUST
JUST
BE THAT KINDA DAY.
IT HAPPENS WHEN I GO THROUGH A
PARTICULARY
AWFUL
GUT WRENCHING
TRIAL.
STILL REELING
FROM THE STING.

I AM NOT ASHAMED.
JESUS IS THE SAME TODAY,
YESTERDAY
AND TOMORROW.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT BY NOW,
WELL, THEN,
I SUGGEST YOU READ A LITTLE MORE
OF GOD'S WORD.
DEVOTE MORE TIME TO HIM
THAN WHATEVER IT IS
THAT TAKES YOU AWAY
FROM OUR MAKER.

I WOULD SUGGEST,
IF YOU ARE A NEW BELIEVER,
TO NOT GO STRAIGHT FOR
THE (EXCUSE ME MY DEAR
SOUTHERN BAPTIST UNCLE)
KING JAMES VERSION.
ALL OF THOSE THEES AND THOUS, 
WHATEVER,
ETC.
I, MYSELF,
WHEN I FIRST CAME BACK TO THE LORD,
CHOSE THE NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION
IN THE FORM OF A STUDY BIBLE,
WITH CONCORDANCE, MAPS,
WHATEVER YOU MIGHT NEED
TO EXPLORE
YOUR WONDERFUL NEW FAITH.
BUT IN THE PHYSICAL STATE
I NOW SO UNEXPECTEDLY
(I USED TO BE A LONG DISTANCE SWIMMER)
FIND MYSELF -
NOT ABLE TO WALK UNAIDED,
OR EVEN CARRY
THAT VERY LARGE,
YET FAVORITE STUDY BIBLE,
I DOWNLOADED A GREAT FREE APP
FOR MY I PHONE.
YOU CAN CHOOSE JUST ABOUT ANY VERSION,
AND IT HAS REFERENCES AND MAPS, ETC.
JUST A FRIENDLY SUGGESTION.
BUT I NOW PREFER MY NEW TABLET
CUZ I CAN HIGHLIGHT IN PURPLE.  :)

I WAS ALSO ABLE TO DOWNLOAD
MY BLOG
ONTO MY PHONE
SO I CAN CHECK MY BLOG STATS
WITHOUT HAVING TO MOVE AS MUCH
IF I WERE TO USE MY LAPTOP INSTEAD.
YOU SEE,
WITH MY PARTICULAR INJURY,
ONCE I FIND A COMFORTABLE SPOT,
WHICH IS NOT AN EASY THING
FOR POOR MOI',
AND THEN HAVE TO MOVE EVEN ONE IOTA 
OR EXPEND ANY ENERGY
COULD CAUSE A TWINGE
THAT COULD VERY EASILY 
TURN INTO THIS 
WHOLE THING....

WAKING UP EACH MORNING,
OR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
WHEN MY SLEEP PATTERN IS OFF,
WHICH IS NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN
WHEN GOD SPEAKS TO ME.
(NO, I DON'T HEAR VOICES.  
JUST GOD'S GENTLE QUIET VOICE
IN MY HEART AND SOUL)
I AM EAGER TO SEE IF ANYONE HAS READ
ANY OF MY POETRY,
BUT,
AT THE SAME TIME,
SCARED TO CHECK THE STATS,
KNOWING HOW SAD AND DOWN I WILL FEEL
IF NOT ONE PERSON HAS READ ANYTHING.
(HEY! US POETS ARE SENSITIVE, 
DITTO US ACTORS.
AND DESPITE ALL OF THAT
TAUNTING AS A YOUNG GIRL,
I KNOW NOW,
THANK YOU JESUS,
THAT SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT.)

SO THIS IS WHERE,
BEFORE CHECKING MY STATS
SO TO SPEAK,
I DON'T PRAY, AS I KNOW I SHOULD.
O, NO,
DEAR SHERRIE HERE
MAKES A DEAL WITH HER SWEET DADDY:

IF AT LEAST ONE PERSON
HAS NOT YET READ ANYTHING
THAT I HAVE TAKEN MY PRECIOUS TIME,
NOT TO MENTION ENERGY,
TO WRITE,
SPILL MY SOUL,
THEN I JUST MIGHT NOT WRITE
OR UPDATE ANYTHING THAT DAY.
STOMP MY FOOT AND CRY.
WHY, O WHY,
SHOULD I,
I ASK HIM,
GET UP AND DRESSED
(DID I MENTION I BLOG ON YOUTUBE?)
IF NO ONE IS INTERESTED
IN MY THOUGHTS,
WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH
OR HAVE SUFFERED IN THE PAST,
MOST ESPECIALLY
WHAT HAPPENED JUST LAST WEEK,
IF NO ONE REACHES BACK TO ME
IN COMFORT?
OR EVEN JUST KNOW
THAT AT LEAST ONE PERSON
OUT THERE IN THE UNIVERSE
IS HELPED
WHEN I OPEN MY SOUL
AND SHARE MY BLOODY,
CRUSHED,
BROKEN,
NOT QUITE TORN IN HALF
BRUISED HEART.
(CAN YOU TELL
I LOVE
ADJECTIVES?)
BUT IF AT LEAST ONE PERSON
HAS READ SOMETHING,
THEN THAT IS AN ANSWERED PRAYER.
CUZ WHEN I FIRST STARTED
THIS WHOLE DIARY THING,
MY PRAYER WAS,
THAT IF I COULD HELP JUST ONE OTHER PERSON
SOMEWHERE,
ANYWHERE,
THAT HAS BEEN HURT IN SOME WAY
BY SOMEONE THEY LOVE,
LET THEM KNOW NOT ONLY DO I CARE,
BUT,
MORE IMPORTANTLY,
JESUS LOVES THEM
AND HAS AND ALWAYS WILL
BE BY THEIR SIDE,
THEN MY JOB WAS DONE.

BUT GOD SAID, NO, SHERRIE,
I HAVE MUCH MORE
IN STORE
FOR YOU.

OKAY,
WOW,
MUST BE 'OFF ON A TANGENT DAY' 
FOR SHERRIE.
LET'S MARK IT ON OUR CALENDARS
AND MAKE IT A HOLIDAY.
K?

SO,
WHAT WAS I SAYING?
O, YES,
ABOUT HAVING THIS CRAZY GIFT
CALLED PROPHECY.

BTW,
PROPHECY SOUNDS LIKE FUN,
BUT IT'S NOT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES IN THE FORM
OF SCARY NIGHTMARES.

ANYWAY, YEP,
GO AHEAD.
LOCK ME UP,
THROW AWAY THE KEY,
'CUZ,
QUITE FRANKLY,
I COULD USE A VACA.

AT LEAST THE PROPHECIES NO LONGER
COME IN THE FORM OF A NIGHTMARE,
MORE SO IN A COOL VISION.
I CAN'T RECEIVE THEM
IF MY FOCUS IS ON SOMETHING ELSE
OTHER THAN
MY LORD AND KING,
JESUS.
SOMETIMES THEY COME IN ANOTHER FORM
THAT IS NOT QUITE FUN,
BUT LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR TODAY.
THIS POEM IS ALREADY
LONG ENOUGH.

HOW DO I GET THEM NOW,
YOU ASK?
YOU DID ASK,
DID YOU NOT?
NO MATTER,
NO ANSWER,
THIS IS MY PARTY.

THESE MESSAGES 
OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM
SO AS TO NOT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE,
HAVE BEEN ONE HUNDRED PERCENT 
FROM DAY ONE.
SO COULD YOU KINDLY, PLEASE,
THROW AWAY THAT TORCH AND KINDLING?

AND, AS I HAVE EMPHASIZED BEFORE 
AND SHALL DO SO AGAIN, 
CUZ I FEEL THAT 
IT IS 
VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW:  

THE PROPHECIES I HAVE 
BEGAN THE DAY MY SWEET AUNT AND HER HUSBAND WERE PRAYING OVER ME AT THE ALTER, AKA, 'LAYING ON OF HANDS'.  
IT'S BIBLICAL TO DO THIS. 
IT'S NOTHING OF WHICH TO BE AFRAID.
THE THING OF WHICH WE SHOULD BE AFRAID
IS THE FACT THAT IT SEEMS THAT LESS
AND LESS CHURCHES
ARE AFRAID OR MAYBE DON'T EVEN BELIEVE,
EVEN THOUGH JESUS IS THE SAME
YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW,...
ANOINTING THE AFFLICTED
AND PRAYING 
AND LAYING HANDS ON THE SICK
AS JESUS DID IN HIS DAY?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THEY ARE EMBARASSED
AND AFRAID THAT MIGHT JUST
LOSE THEIR STANDING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,
IF I AM TO BE CALLED CRAZY,
I'D RATHER BE CALLED CRAZY
FOR DOING SOMETHING FOR JESUS.

YEP, THAT CRAZY SHERRIE,
SHE'S A JESUS FREAK.
SHE JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO STOP TALKING
ABOUT HER KING.
SHE HAS
THE AUDACITY
TO TESTIFY
EVERYWHERE SHE GOES.

SO, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
LET'S GET BACK TO THAT STORY
ABOUT ME:

THAT SUNDAY MORNING,
OR SUNDAY NIGHT,
OR WEDNESDAY NIGHT,
OR ANY NIGHT
CUZ IT VERY POSSIBLY
COULD HAVE BEEN DURING
ONE OF THEIR MANY REVIVALS:

AS THEY WERE PRAYING, 
MY AUNT IN FRONT,
LAYING HER HANDS ON MY FOREHEAD, 
MY UNCLE IN BACK 
SO AS TO CATCH ME, 
I FLOATED DOWN 
TO THE GROUND
FEELING JOYFUL
AND AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER.
THAT IS WHEN I RECEIVED 
MOT ONLY THE GIFT OF PROPHECY, 
BUT THE GIFT OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE ME
THAT GOD GIVES THESE PARTICULAR GIFTS,
THEN PLEASE,
FEEL FREE,
CUZ WE CAN TAKE A FIVE MINUTE BREAK -
LOOK IT UP IN 1 CORINTHIANS 12.

TIC TOC

MY MANTRA THIS WEEK:
PRAY BEFORE YOU SAY.
MAYBE I HAD BETTER COPYRIGHT THAT
CUZ I THING IT WOULD LOOK CUTE
ON T SHIRT OR MAYBE EVEN A BUMPER STICKER.

WOW,
DO I LIKE TO RAMBLE OR WHAT?
IT'S CUZ I'M IN CONTROL
OF THIS PARTICULAR CONVERSATION.
AND I'M A WRITER.
AND I'M ALONE MOST OF THE DAY.
SO IT'S EITHER TURN MY ATTENTION
TO MY LORD
OR TO THE WORLD.

NOTW

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL
IN MY CURRENT LIVING SITUATION,
WHERE SOME CERTAIN PEOPLE,
WHOSE NAMES I SHALL NOT YET REVEAL,
HAVE NOT ONLY GOSSIPED ABOUT ME,
BUT JUDGED ME,
AS WELL AS CALLING ME AN AWFUL THING,
THE THING THEY KNEW
'CUZ I HAD TOLD THEM,
WOULD HURT ME THE MOST.

THANK YOU, JESUS,
FOR ALWAYS BEING IN CONTROL.

I LOVED HER,
THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE FRIENDS.
WE PRAYED TOGETHER
AND FOR EACH OTHER.
AND IT MAKES ME CRY
THAT SHE TURNED ON ME
SO SUDDENLY.
I MISS HER
AND I THOUGHT SHE LOVED ME.
THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT I HAVE SAID PREVIOUSLY:
UNFORGIVENESS WEIGHS.

(NOTE TO SELF:
IN UPCOMING AUDITION,
USE THIS AS YOUR MOTIVATION.)

WHICH BRINGS ME BACK,
FULL CIRCLE SO TO SPEAK,
TO MY MESSAGE FOR TODAY:
DON'T LIVE A LIFE WITH REGRETS.
THE BIBLE CLEARLY STATES
AND GIVES MANY ILLUSTRATIONS
OF HOW WE ARE TO STEP OUT IN FAITH
IF WE ARE EVER ABLE TO MOVE ON.
NO EXCUSES.

AND,
LASTLY,
I PROMISE -
QUOTING FROM MYSELF,
FROM MY POEM,
'UPON THIS ROCK I STAND',
THE MOST POPULAR POEM TO DATE,
MAY I ADD,
GIVING GOD ALL OF THE GLORY.
(IT'S OKAY. I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION
TO QUOTE ME.) ---

'FLY,
BUTTERFLY,
FLY.'

PROVERBS 3:5-6

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS SUBMIT TO HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:7

FOR WE LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

MOVE ON (UPDATED)

THAT HURT.
THAT UGLY FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE.
HOW CAN YOU ACT
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?
NOPE.
THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT.
MOST ESPECIALLY IF YOU PROFESS
YOURSELF
A CHRISTIAN.
THE ONLY FIRE
I WANT IN MY HEART
IS THE HOLY GHOST.
I LOVE SPEAKING IN TONGUES,
SPEAKING THE HEAVENLY ANGELIC LANGUAGE
WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PRAY.
AND WHAT YOU SAID AND DID TO ME
GOT IN THE WAY.
I JUST KNOW
THAT I MUST FOLLOW MY FATHER'S WORDS
AND PRAY FOR YOU TO BE BLESSED.
I HAVE TO DO THIS
SO I CAN MOVE FORWARD,
CONTINUE MY WALK WITH JESUS,
BECAUSE UNFORGIVENESS WEIGHS.
(OKAY, SOMETIMES JESUS CARRIES ME.)
LIKE THAT'S AN EASY THING,
FORGIVING I MEAN.
AND WHAT YOU SAID AND DID
IS NOT GOING TO STOP ME
FROM PLANTING SEEDS.
I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW OF HIS LOVE,
MOST ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE HURTING,
OR HAVE BEEN HURT IN ANY WAY,
MOST ESPECIALLY HURT
BY THOSE THAT ARE HERE ON EARTH
TO LOVE US THE MOST,
I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE
AND THAT THERE IS A REASON
FOR WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH
AND THAT THEIR SUFFERING
IS JUST FOR A SEASON.
AND PROMISE ME, YOU OUT THERE
WHO ARE LISTENING TO ME,
PLEASE,O PLEASE,
DON'T LET ANYONE 
CONVINCE YOU
THAT JESUS CAN'T USE YOU.
IF HE CAN USE CRAZY ME,
HE CAN CERTAINLY
USE YOU.
AND AS MY GRANDDADDY WOULD SAY,
PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS.
JESUS IS OUR STRENGTH
WHEN WE ARE WEAK.
HE IS OUR HOPE
WHEN WE FEEL HOPELESS.
GIVE HIM YOUR HEART,
YOUR LIFE,
AS HE GAVE HIS FOR US,
FOLLOW THE PATH
HE LAID OUT FOR YOU
LONG BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.
FORGIVE
AND MOVE ON.

MATTHEW 5:16

IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE BEFORE OTHERS, THAT THEY MAY SEE YOUR GOOD DEEDS AND GLORIFY YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN.

LUKE 6:28

BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU,

PRY FOR THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.

BEFORE

BEFORE,
I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE FLOOR.
BEFORE,
I WOULD HAVE TURNED TO THE WORLD.
BEFORE,
I WAS LOST
BEFORE YOU, JESUS,
MY LIFE WAS OUT OF CONTROL.
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH LIFETIMES
TO EVER THANK YOU
FOR YOUR SACRIFICE
FOR ME,
THE WEAKEST,
THE LITTLE LOST SHEEP.
YOU PICKED ME OFF THE FLOOR,
YOU ARE MY STRENGTH.
WHAT WOULD I EVER DO
WITHOUT YOU?

GALATIANS 6:9

LET US NOT BECOME WEARY IN DOING GOOD,

FOR AT THE PROPER TIME

WE WILL REAP A HARVEST

IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP.

AMEN AND AMEN

PETRIFIED

FROZEN,
PETRIFIED.
LYING IN MY BED,
HELPLESS,
WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.
WHAT DID I DO, LORD, TO DESERVE
WHAT SEEMS TO BE A LIFETIME OF ABUSE?
CAN I PLEASE JUST HAVE A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM?
SURE, YOU PICK THE WEAKEST ONE OF THE BUNCH
TO SUFFER SO MUCH.
HOW AM I TO GO ON
WHEN I CAN'T EVEN MOVE?
BUT I CAN STILL SPEAK,
I CAN STILL WRITE,
I CAN STILL TESTIFY.
I CAN SHOUT 
OUT
TO THE WORLD
HOW I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
YOU SEND OUT YOUR MIGHTIEST ANGELS,
AND I PLEAD YOUR SACRIFICIAL BLOOD.
I HAVE NO STRENGTH,
MY BODY IS BROKEN.
BUT MY SOUL,
WITH YOU IN CONTROL,
IS STRONG.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:16-18

REJOICE ALWAYS,

PRAY CONTINUALLY,

GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES;

FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU

IN CHRIST JESUS.