MY SWEET SARA (RVD)

YOU ARE MY CREATOR,

YOU ARE MY STRENGTH.

THEN WHY DO I ALWAYS RUN

TO A MERE MORTAL WHENEVER I HAVE A PROBLEM?

AND INADVERTENTLY THE WRONG ONE.

I SHOULD BE FOLLOWING YOUR WORDS,

STAYING ON MY KNEES,

PRAYING THROUGH

ALL OF THESE DIFFICULTIES.

FOR YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN MAKE THINGS RIGHT

AND GIVE MY DAUGHTER BACK TO ME.

ALTHOUGH SHE REALLY

 BELONGS TO YOU.

I CAN ASK ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

UNTIL I'M BLUE IN THE FACE,

CRY ALL OF THE TEARS UNTIL I'M DRY.

(I HOPE YOU STILL HAVE SOME EMPTY BOTTLES,

FOR I FEAR I AM NOT DONE FILLING THEM WITH MY TEARS.)

BUT YOU ALL READY HAVE THE ANSWER,

YOU ALL READY KNOW THE DAY AND THE PLACE

WHEN I WILL SEE A SMILE JUST FOR ME

ON MY SWEET SARA'S FACE.

IT MAY NOT BE UNTIL THE END,

BUT I HAVE A FEELING THAT'S NOT THAT FAR AWAY.

THANK YOU, JESUS,

FOR SAVING ME
AND GIVING ME GRACE.

YES - ANOTHER RAMBLE

FOR NEARLY A YEAR,

I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE LYMPHOMA.

THAT'S WHAT THE SCAN SAID,

AND I COULD NEVER GET A CLEAR ANSWER

FROM ANY OF THE MERIAD OF DOCTORS.

SOMETIMES THEY WOULD JUST NOD,

THEN LOOK AWAY.

THE TUMOR HAD ACTUALLY BEEN

IN MY NECK FOR AT LEAST TWO YEARS.

I GUESS NO ONE WAS WORRIED ENOUGH

TO TELL ME IT WAS THERE.

THEN ONE DAY NOT TOO SOON AFTER,

A DOCTOR IN THE ER

SAID

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT YOUR TUMOR?"

OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.

IT WAS A WHILE AGO

AND MY MEMORY IS NOT AS WELL AS IT USED TO BE.

FINALLY, FILTERING THROUGH THREE DOCTORS

BECAUSE I HAVE MEDI-CAL

AND COULD ONLY BE SEEN BY THE COUNTY DOCTORS.

AFTER OVER TWO MONTHS
FOR WAITING TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE RIGHT DOCTOR,WE MADE THE TRIP,

AND SEEMED TO DRIVE THROUGH THE DESERT

FOREVER

SUDDENLY FROM AFAR, ON THE LEFT

WAS A VERY MODERN LOOKING

HUMONGOUS BUILDING.

A VERY SWEET DOCTOR

JUST DID THE BIOPSY RIGHT THEN AND THERE,

AND EVERYTHING TURNED OUT TO BE OKAY,

DESPITE MY LACK OF FAITH.

BUT I STILL NEEDED SURGERY,

BECAUSE THERE WAS A PART OF THIS STUPID TUMOR

IN MY CHEST CAVITY.

AND HOW CAN YOU NEEDLE BIOSPY THAT?

SO PREPPING FOR MY 16TH SURGERY,

THE ONLY THING I WAS REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT

WAS WHETHER OR NOT THE NURSE OR WHOMEVER

WOULD BE ABLE TO FIND A  VIABLE VEIN SOMEWHERE IN MY HANDS OR ARMS

FOR AN IV,

WHICH THEY DID,

PRAISE GOD,

ONLY ON THE SECOND TRY.

AND I WAS DEEPLY ASSURED

THAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME,

I WOULD IMMEDIATELY BE WORSHIPING

AT MY SWEET LORD'S FEET.

 

 

 

 

Oh, How Much I Love to Ramble

Oh so how much I wish
 that I could say

that my very first thing that I did every day

was to run to my Bible with excitement,

a twinkling light in my eyes, and maybe a little trepidation,
because I knew I would be queried afterwards
by my family that was full of
Southern Baptist preachers.
And whatever your answer was
It had better come straight word-for-word from
the King James Version.
Obviously there was no other.
(I did love the pictures.)
But now I wish to know
that if you knew the scriptures so
and were such a model of conviction,
why did you let 'you know what - the family secret' continue?
Did you even ever take the time to know how bad it was
and how we had to hide the bruises, the fear in our eyes and the blood?
Or did you so politely avert your eyes?
And are you aware
of the very strict rules we had to follow?
Of course you are,
because according to family history,
you had it so much worse.
No worries there, though,
because I broke quite a few of these rules
when I became a teenager.
And may I say,
even to this day,
I am really getting tired
of being harassed because of
how much
I look and sound like my biological
father.
May I please request,
as my father is no longer with us,
could you please let up?
And dare I say
that it was not my fault
that I am the one that was born with two strong legs.
I'm quite sure that was God's plan.
But the good news is,
when my sister was very sick,
and most of the rest of the time
for some obscure reason,
I was mostly on my own,
so I started to write poems.
You see,
the words just flowed
and seemed to come so easily.
It was as if I was writing a diary.
I told no one of this hobby,
for fear of being teased and told
that I was much too sensitive.
You were correct in this case, though.
Alas I was unfortunate to win a trophy
for a poem I wrote when I was very young.
I guess what I'm trying to say
is never be afraid to be your true self
because the Good Lord knew
what He was doing
when He made you.



 

ODE TO AUNT NANCE (REVISED)

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A SEC

TO SAY TO MY SWEET AUNT NANCE,

THAT IT FELT SO GOOD

TO TALK TO ANOTHER GROWN WOMAN,

ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS,

AND BELIEVES THAT GOD HAS A PERFECT PLAN;

HE EMPATHIZES WITH WHATEVER OUR PAINS.

I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN PRAYING

FOR A FRIEND

IN

ANOTHER CHRISTIAN WOMAN
SUCH AS AUNT NANCE

SHE IS NOT AFRAID

TO CONFESS TO THE RIGHT OTHERS

HER OWN MISTAKES.

SHE EVEN HAS THE CHUTZPA

TO LAUGH AT HERSELF,

AND
TO MAKE IT EVEN BETTER,
SHE LAUGHS AT MY SILLY JOKES.
IF YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED TO LAUGH BY THIS AGE
AND AT WHATEVER LIT ARROW THE EVIL AND SNEAKY ONE
MAY
THROW YOUR WAY,
THEN I WOULD SUGGEST
THAT YOU FALL TO YOUR KNOWS
IN PRAYER.

WHEN MY SWEET AUNT NANCE FIRST MARRIED

MY FAVORITE UNCLE,

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION

THAT I WASN'T HER FIRST CHOICE AS A NIECE.

AND I KNEW I HAD OFFENDED THIS SWEET WOMAN,
SO MY ANSWER TO THIS BLUNDER
WAS TO TRY IN VAIN
TO STAY AS FAR AWAY AS I POSSIBLY COULD,
WHICH WASN'T THAT HARD, CONSIDERING THE SIZE OF OUR FAMILY, AND THAT I HAD BEEN PRACTICING ALL OF MY LIFE TO BECOME INVISIBLE,
AND I THINK BY THAT TIME,
I HAD PERFECTED THIS ART.

THIS OBVIOUSLY KEPT ME FROM TRYING
TO TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW HER.

AND, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I WAS A MALADROIT AND AWKWARD SEVENTEEN.

BUT NOW THAT WE'VE BOTH BEEN THROUGH
THE CLEANSING FIRE,

WITH OUR LORD JESUS ALWAYS BY OUR SIDE,

SPEAKING FOR HER,
I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT
THAT WE BOTH STILL TRUST IN GOD'S ABOUNDING LOVE.

WE GIVE ALL OF THE GLORY

TO HIM WHO IS TELLING THIS STORY.

AND SHE WAS SO NICE,

I DIDN'T THINK TWICE

OF SPILLING MY GUTS OUT TO HER.

THE BEST THING OF ALL,

IS THAT I THINK I HAVE BEEN BLESSED

TO BE SENT ANOTHER SISTER.

AND NONE OF THIS COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED WITHOUT OUR LORD.
HE IS THE CREATOR OF THE WORLD.
I HOPE THIS DOESN'T SCARE HER,
BUT NOW WE SHALL BE
TOGETHER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY,
AND I PRAY THAT I DON'T BLOW THIS SOMEHOW.
ISN'T JESUS AMAZING?

HOPE REVISITED

LYING HERE IN MY BED,

WONDERING WHAT IS NEXT.

IS MY BODY FOREVER TO BE BROKEN?
AM I EVER GOING TO FIND A CHURCH
WHERE I CAN BE FED?

MY SPIRIT CRIES WITHIN,

WANTING TO BE SET FREE.

BUT DO I HAVE ENOUGH BELIEF

TO BE HEALED AND RELEASED

FROM THIS BROKEN SHELL?

MOST DAYS THE ONLY THING

THAT GETS ME THROUGH

IS HOPING SOMETHING I'VE SAID

HELPS SOMEONE,
ANYONE ELSE.
AFTER ALL, THAT WAS MY MISSION WHEN I SET OUT.



DREAMS AND VISIONS (REVISED)

I FEEL AS IF I AM FADING,

SLOWLY BECOMING INVISIBLE AGAIN

EXACTLY LIKE I WAS WHEN I WAS THIS
TWO-LEFT-FEET KID.

WHY DON'T THEY WANT TO HEAR THE WORDS I AM SAYING?
WHY DON'T THEY WANT TO SHARE IN THE PRAYING?

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,

BUT I HAVE DREAMS AND VISIONS

OF WHAT IS TO COME.

AND IF YOU THINK THAT IS SOMETHING YOU MAY WANT, THEN YOU DO NOT KNOW
HOW THESE DREAMS CAN BE.

THEY ARE VERY REAL,

AS IF I WAS IN ANOTHER REALITY
AND THE CHANNEL HAD BEEN CHANGED
PERMANENTLY.
I COULD FIND NO WAY
TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL ON MY OWN,
ALL ALONE

SOMETIMES I TRY

TO QUIET MY MIND

JUST TO GET SOME REST.

BUT NO MATTER, THE VISIONS COME THROUGH,

AND THUS FAR THEY HAVE ALL COME TRUE.

I'M AFRAID TO SAY WHAT I SEE

IN THESE DREAMS

FOR FEAR YOU WILL CART ME AWAY,
HO HO, HEY HEY.

BUT I CANNOT HOLD BACK,
I MUST STAY THE COURSE,
STICK WITH PURPOSE ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW
GOD HAD SPECIFICALLY PREPARED BEFORE ME, LONG BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN.
EVEN IF IT'S IN VAIN.

I MUST TELL THE TRUTH

NO MATTER WHAT,

AND IF I SOMEHOW I DO END UP IN CHAINS.
I WILL BE A GOOD LITTLE SOLDIER,
AND SING AWAY THE CLAUSTROPHOBIA AND PAIN.

Ode to My Lord Jesus

I FEEL AS IF THERE IS A WALL BETWEEN US.

I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO BREAK THROUGH

NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, PRAY OR DO.

SO THIS IS WHERE I APOLOGIZE TO YOU,

BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS

FOR BEING SO PASSIVE AGRESSIVE.

I KNOW I HAVE THE TENDENCY

IN ME

TO SAY AND THINK THINGS THAT AREN'T SO NICE

AND A LITTLE TOO DIRECT.

SUCH IS MY VICE.

I LISTEN TO YOUR WORDS,

REVEL IN YOUR MUSIC,

WISHING SO DESPERATELY

THAT I COULD SING AND DANCE

THE WAY I USED TO,

LIKE DAVID DID,

PRAISING YOUR GLORY

DESPITE WHAT OTHERS THOUGHT OF HIM.

YOUR WORDS MAKE SENSE,

BUT SOMEHOW I FEEL AS IF

YOU ARE HOLDING ME AT A DISTANCE.

YOUR WORD CLEARLY STATES

THAT A PROPHET IS NOT WELCOME

IN HIS OWN HOME.

AND EVER SINCE I HAVE BEEN

WRITING MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS,

I FIND THIS TO BE THE TRUTH.

BUT THOSE THAT DO NOT KNOW ME

SEEM TO WELCOME ME WITH OPEN ARMS,

TAKING TO HEART WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

AND I TRULY BELIEVE

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY

MAKES SOME KIND OF SENSE.

FOR THERE IS NEVER A TIME

THAT I DON'T WRITE FROM MY HEART,

AND I ALWAYS MAKE THE EFFORT

TO ADD YOUR WORDS INTO MINE,

PRAYING THAT WHAT I WRITE

GLORIFIES YOUR NAME.

THIS IS MY ODE TO YOU.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU CHOOSE

I APOLOGIZE,

BUT,
AS LONG AS WE SERVE THE SAME THING,
I AM OBLIGATED
TO EXPLAIN SOME CERTAIN THINGS.
MOST TIMES
I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU TELL ME
PERSONALLY,
BECAUSE,
YOU SEE,
I AM NOT AS DUMB
AS I WAS LED TO BELIEVE,
AND I KNOW THE ENTIRE STORY,
FRONT TO BACK,
SO I KNOW HOW ALL OF THIS ENDS.
(OKAY,
MAYBE I HAVE A HARD TIME
REMEMBERING THE ADDRESSES,
SO TO SPEAK).
AND I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT ANY ONE SHOULD
EVER HAVE TO SEE
A SISTER AND SISTER IN THE LORD
ARGUING
ABOUT EXACTLY WHAT WAS WRITTEN.
HOWEVER,
PERSONALLY I BELIEVE
YOU CANNOT THROW OUT
THE OLD TESTAMENT
JUST 'CUZ
IT'S CONVENIENT.
NOW,
LISTEN CAREFULLY,
AS THIS IS THE TRUTH:
GOD'S ONE AND ONLY SON,
HIS SACRIFICE,
IS THE ONE AND ONLY BRIDGE.
I MEAN,
YOU CAN TRY ANOTHER ONE.
BUT, TRUST ME IN THIS,
THAT OTHER BRIDGE WILL 
TREACHEROUSLY FALL AWAY.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE ME,
AND THAT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT,
EXPECTED,
ACTUALLY,
THEN YOU CAN EITHER BELIEVE HIS WORD,
WHICH IS GOD-BREATHED,
OR JESUS HIMSELF.
YOU CHOOSE.

Tornado (RVD)

Love  is a hard thing to let happen

when things aren't going your way,

and you can feel the dust clouds forming.

you can't breath.

and the only thing you can do,

the only place you can turn

to keep the clouds from hitting you

is to duck your head 

and hide in God's mighty wings

and pray that the tornado

doesn't break everything

this time,

like a flood.

BRUTAL

DO YOU HAVE A CHILD OR A PARENT,

A LOVED ONE THAT DOESN'T LOVE

EITHER YOU OR THE LORD?

THEY JUDGE AND BERATE YOU

FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS AND BELIEF

BECAUSE THEY KNEW YOU

LONG BEFORE YOU BECAME THE NEW YOU.

THEY KNOW ALL IF YOUR FAULTS

AND HAVE NO QUALMS

OF RUBBING THEM BACK INTO YOUR FACE.

AND THESE ARE THE HARDEST ONES

TO FIND THE AGAPE LOVE

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GIVEN

DEEP INSIDE YOUR TORN AND BRUTALIZED SOLE.

JESUS IS THE ANSWER (RVD)

You tear my heart out,

you stick a knife in my back

and force me to bleed,

yet you want me to believe

You follow the dictates of Christianity.

To be a Christian means to be Christ like,

as much as we possibly can.

And I know it's not my place,

but I just don't understand

why you don't love others

yet you call yourself a Christian.

I guess that's my cost

of being who and what I am.

But the good news is I will have the answers

straight from His mouth