I FIND MYSELF
NOT WANTING TO GET OUT OF BED
TODAY,
JUST STAY IN MY PJs
AND MINDLESSLY WATCH TV
AND PONDER ON THE FACT
WHY IN H-E-DOUBLE HOCKY STICKS
MY PASTORS REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THE SPIRITUAL GIFTS FROM THE BOOK OF 1 CORINTHIANS,
CHAPTER TWELVE,
MY GOD HAS GIVEN ME.
WHY THE MOCKING?
WHY THE DISBELIEF?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT CUTS MY HEART,
YOU THINKING I AM CRAZY?
AND THEN BEING THROWN OUT OF YOUR BIBLE STUDY
FOR FEELING FREE ENOUGH
TO SHARE MY SPIRITUAL GIFTS AND MY LOVE?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR ME, LORD?
I KNOW YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THESE PARTICULAR GIFTS
FOR A REASON.
YOU DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT MEANT
TO BE DONE IN THIS END TIMES SEASON.
SO WHY ME?
WHY AM I THE ONE
THAT SEES THE UNSEEN
THAT KNOWS THE UNKNOWN,
THAT SPEAKS IN A DIFFERENT KIND OF TONGUE?
I AM THE WEAKEST OF THE WEAK,
NOT EVEN ABLE TO STAND UP ON MY OWN.
AND I'M OLD.
WHY DID YOU LEAD ME TO THIS PLACE?
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I LOVE THE PRAISE AND WORSHIP
AND THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET NOT OUT OF CHANCE.
BUT THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE PASTORS THERE
LOOK AT ME WITH DISDAIN
CAUSES SO MUCH PAIN.
THEN I REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE SAID,
THAT A PROPHET IS NOT WELCOME
IN HIS OWN HOME TOWN
AND THAT YOUR GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME.
SO THE FACT THAT THEY CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE
THE GIFTS YOU HAVE BLESSED ME WITH
WILL NOT STOP ME FROM SERVING YOU,
PUTTING YOU FIRST,
FINISHING THIS RACE
YOU HAVE PLACED BEFORE ME,
GLORIFYING YOUR NAME
DESPITE THE NAYSAYERS.
I WILL BE WANT YOU WANT ME TO BE.
AND WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT DO NOT WISH
TO BELIEVE,
I WILL REMEMBER THAT CHAPTER IN YOUR WORD,
AND KNOW THAT CHANGE IN THIS WORLD
STARTS WITH ONE PERSON BEING OBEDIENT
TO WHAT YOU HAVE CALLED THEM TO BE --
A PROPHET AND ABLE TO SPEAK THE ANGELIC LANGUAGE.
I SHALL DUST MY FEET AND BELIEVE
BECAUSE
WITHOUT YOU, JESUS, I WOULD BE
A POET WITHOUT A MESSAGE.
2 CORINTHIANS 12:19 -- BUT HE SAID TO ME, "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS." THEREFORE I WILL BOAST ALL THE MORE GLADLY ABOUT MY WEAKNESSES, SO THAT CHRIST'S POWER MAY REST ON ME.
1 CORINTHIANS 12:7 -- NOW TO EACH ONE THE MANIFESTATION OF THE SPIRIT IS GIVEN FOR THE COMMON GOOD. TO ONE THERE IS GIVEN THROUGH THE SPIRIT A MESSAGE OF WISDOM, TO ANOTHER A MESSAGE OF KNOWLEDGE BY MEANS OF THE SAME SPIRIT, TO ANOTHER GIFTS OF HEALING BY THAT ONE SPIRIT, TO ANOTHER MIRACULOUS POWERS, TO ANOTHER PROPHECY, TO ANOTHER DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN SPIRITS, TO ANOTHER SPEAKING IN DIFFERENT KINDS OF TONGUES, AND TO STILL ANOTHER THE INTERPRETATION OF TONGUES. ALL THESE ARE THE WORK OF ONE AND THE SAME SPIRIT, AND HE DISTRIBUTES THEM TO EACH ONE, JUST AS HE DETERMINES.
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE FIRE
SEVERAL TIMES.
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE FLAMES,
THE MORE THAN OCCASIONAL HURRICANE.
THE BUMPS, THE SCRAPES,
THE TEASINGS,
THE TAUNTINGS,
THE BULLYINGS.
THE BRUISES TOO.
BUT I MADE IT THROUGH.
HOW YOU ASK?
ONLY THROUGH MY SWEET JESUS' GRACE.
I DON'T DESERVE HIS LOVE.
I DON'T DESERVE TO BE GIVEN THE GIFT
OF HIS SACRIFICE, HIS FORGIVENESS.
WE ARE ALL BORN INTO SIN,
THANKS TO EVE AND ADAM.
BUT WE ARE SANCTIFIED, PURIFIED
THROUGH HIS BLOOD,
HIS SACRIFICE,
HIS FORGIVENESS ON THAT WOODEN CROSS.
NAILS THROUGH HIS HANDS,
NAILS THROUGH HIS FEET,
HIS SIDE SLICED,
BLEEDING BLOOD AND WATER.
BUT HE LOOKED TO THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT
AND FORGAVE.
THEN THE VERY THICK CURTAIN RIPPED
AND THE EARTH SHOOK.
IF THERE WAS SUCH A THING
AS A TIME MACHINE
THAT'S WHERE I WOULD BE TODAY.
JESUS IS MY GOLDEN KEY.
LUKE 23:39-43 -- ONE OF THE CRIMINALS WHO HUNG THERE HURLED INSULSTS AT HIM: "AREN'T YOU THE MESSIAH? SAVE YOURSELF AND US!"
(40) BUT THE OTHER CRIMINAL REBUKED HIM. "DON'T YOU FEAR GOD," HE SAID, "SINCE YOU ARE UNDER THE SAME SENTENCE? (41) WE ARE PUNISHED JUSTLY, FOR WE ARE GETTING WHAT OUR DEEDS DESERVE. BUT THIS MAN HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG."
(42) THEN HE SAID, "JESUS, REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU COME INTO YOUR KINGDOM."
(43) JESUS ANSWERED HIM, "TRULY I TELL YOU, TODAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE."
I'M SORRY I ANSWERED A QUESTION
WHEN NONE OF THE OTHER 2O OR SO
WANTED TO.
I'M SORRY I PRAYED OUT LOUD WHEN NO ONE ELSE WANTED TO.
I'M SORRY I COULD NOT JOIN THE OTHER WIVES IN THE KITCHEN DURING BREAK. I CANNOT WALK WITHOUT ASSISTANCE AND MUST WEAR A VERY LARGE UNCOMFORTABLE BRACE ON MY LEG.
I'M SORRY I AM SO FRIENDLY AND UNASSUMING AND CARING AND TRUSTING AND OPENED MY HEART AND JUST WANTED TO BE A PART.
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION I WAS IN THE COMPANY OF FAMILY. I'M SORRY I MISUNDERSTOOD.
I'M SORRY I SHARED HOW MUCH I LOVE JESUS AND AM NOT ASHAMED TO SAY HIS NAME. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I DO WHAT HE ASKS OF ME AND NOW BLOG MY POETRY ON TV. IT'S MY MINISTRY, YOU SEE - SHARING ABOUT ALL OF THE ABUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH, THE DAILY PAIN I'M IN, AND, GOD WILLING, HELPING OTHERS AND PLANTING SEEDS.
THIS TV THING? GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, THAT IT WAS A STEPPING STONE. AND THE VERY NEXT DAY, A SUNDAY, WHAT DID PASTOR PREACH ABOUT? STEPPING STONES. SO I'M SORRY YOU DON'T GET IT. CONFIRMATION I MEAN.
I'M SORRY I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND LOVE TO HOLD HANDS WITH HIM.
I'M SORRY YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ANNOINTED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT, ABLE TO SPEAK THE ANGELIC LANGUAGE AND FEEL THE SO AMAZING THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT WARMTH AND LOVE OF THE COMFORTER.
I'M SORRY I AM THE WAY OUR CREATOR MADE ME - TOO SENSITIVE, CARING, SINFUL, AND JUST WANTING, CRYING AS JESUS WOULD, AS I HAVE PRAYED, FOR THE HURT AND THE UNLOVED IN THIS SINFUL WORLD THAT SHALL NEVER BE MY HOME.
I'M SORRY I DON'T FIT IN, DON'T BELONG.
I'M SORRY I'M TOO OPEN AND TRUSTING AND THE TEARS CONTINUE TO FLOW, BUT ONLY BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.
BUT YOU, MY SWEET JESUS, COLLECT ALL OF THESE SORROWFUL TEARS IN A BOTTLE.
THESE TEARS THAT FLOW TOO FREELY? THEY ARE FOR YOU, MY SWEET JESUS.
GIVE ME YOUR EYES, GIVE ME YOUR HEART FOR THE HURTING AND UNLOVED IN THIS DARK LOST PLACE.
EPHESIANS 1:18-19 I PRAY THAT THE EYES OF YOUR HEART MAY BE ENLIGHTENED IN ORDER THAT YOU MAY KNOW THE HOPE TO WHICH HE HAS CALLED YOU, THE RICHES OF HIS GLORIOUS INHERITANCE IN HIS HOLY PEOPLE, AND HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER FOR US WHO BELIEVE.
