NOTW (NOT OF THIS WORLD) (COMPLETELY UPDATED)

HOW DO YOU FORGIVE

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HURT FOR NO REASON?

HOW DO YOU FORGIVE WHEN YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED IN VERY DARK, DAMP CLOSETS CONSTANTLY

BY YOUR OLDER, ONLY SISTER?

HOW DO YOU FORGIVE

WHEN YOU FEEL HATED,

BERATED,

CALLED HURTFUL NAMES

THAT STILL STICK TO THIS DAY - 

LIKE DUMB AND UGLY?

HOW DO YOU FORGIVE

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN MADE

TO FEEL INVISIBLE

BECAUSE YOUR SISTER HAD POLIO?

JESUS SUFFERED WORSE THAN ME,

AND HE FORGAVE.

SO WHY CAN'T I?

I MUST FIND FORGIVENESS IN MY HEART 

IF I AM MEANT TO CONTINUE.

I MUST FIND IT IN MY SOUL

IF I AM TO CONFESS THAT I AM NOT WORTHY

TO RECEIVE HIS GRACE

THAT CAME FROM THAT CROSS.

THE SACRIFICE

THAT WAS GIVEN SO FREELY.

WHY, O WHY, GOD, DID YOU PLACE ME

IN SUCH AN UNLOVING FAMILY?

ONE THAT ABUSED AND BERATED AND MADE ME FEEL HATED

DAILY?

AND LET'S NOT EVEN MENTION THE PHYSICAL ABUSE.

AFTER ALL,

IT'S BEEN A FAMILY SECRET FOR SO LONG.

OR DID THEY JUST DECIDE IT WAS EASIER TO IGNORE WHAT WAS GOING ON?

BUT YOU CHOSE ME, JESUS,

OUT OF ALL OF THEM,

MAKING ME FEEL A LITTLE LIKE DAVID.

YOU CHOSE ME BEFORE I WAS EVEN ME.

OTHERWISE, WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE POINT

OF THIS PARTICULAR REALITY?

LORD, I PRAY THAT I CAN FORGIVE,

AND I KNOW THAT  ALL OF THIS PAIN WILL BE FORGOTTEN THE FIRST DAY I AM WITH YOU.

IT WILL ALL HAVE BEEN WORTH IT.

JOHN 18:36 - JESUS SAID, "MY KINGDOM IS NOT OF THIS WORLD."

JESUS WILL BE BACK (UPDATED)

Our days here are numbered,
so make the best of what you can.
Just because you're not 61 like me
doesn't mean you're not near the end.
We are not promised tomorrow.
Personally, I'm waiting for the rapture.

It's been said
that Christians 
should live 
as if Jesus
was born yesterday, 
crucified today,
and will rise again tomorrow.

Don't miss a chance to plant a seed,
to dry a tear,
to forgive,
love
and hug someone dear.

I called my mother yesterday.
I found out she had been in the hospital
three times this month.  
She has bad heart problems.
And I don't want her to leave this world 
with things unsaid,
the way my father did. 
He died all alone 
on the cold bathroom floor.
No goodbyes.
No one knows why.
I guess it was just his time.

It's difficult to live with regrets.
It tears you up inside.
And despite the beliefs of some,
even my belief at one time,
you cannot talk to to the dead.
Ashes to ashes.  Poof!
We are either with our Lord
or somewhere else
that no one in their right mind would wish to be
or some even believe exists.
Just to make it clear, hell wasn't made for us.
It was made for the fallen angels.

I long for the day 
when the craziness of this world
is just a vague memory,
or really no memory at all.
I will spend eternity 
praising my Lord, 
warming in His light,
and listening to his stories.  
What better way to spend eternity.
And forever is a long time without the Trinity.

No more worries,
No more fears,
No more heartbreaks,
No more tears.
No more fighting,
bruises
or hurting.
Doesn't that sound just right?

Joy will rule our days.
And we will be in awe 
of heaven's glorious sight,
living in God's magnificent light.

Keep the faith
because this life
will pass
in just a blink of an eye.
It has for me.
Yesterday I was 17
and soon I shall be 62.

Make your days count.
Share the Good News.
Don't be afraid or ashamed
to plant and water seeds of faith.
For Jesus will be back, like, any day now.

Do you honestly want anyone to lose out?



MATTHEW 24:36 - "FOR ABOUT THAT DAY OR HOUR NO ONE KNOWS, NOT EVEN THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN, NOR THE SON, BUT ONLY THE FATHER.

I want, I want, I want (UPDATE)

The news gets me down.
I want to believe
that He's watching over me,
down below,
and He knows
the things of which I struggle.
Is the tumor still there?
Is he going to make it disappear?
I know He has the power.
But what is His plan?
Must I go through this too?
Am I to be like Job
and listen to the bad report?
Or should I just
put my trust
that He knows best
and to not take it off of his desk.
I refuse to believe
what the doctors say.
I want a miracle
and I want it today.

HEBREWS 5:16-18 - REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS.

UPDATE:  I ENDED UP, AFTER SIX LONG MONTHS, FINALLY FINDING OUT THAT I DID NOT HAVE CANCER AFTER ALL.  PRAISE THE LORD FOR HEALING ME!

PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF (UPDATE)

You tell me that I'm worthless,
that I'm stupid and not worth 
the paper I'm printed on.
My entire life even to this day 
you have treated me with disdain,
as if I was inconsequential
and invisible.
You try your hardest
to convince me and continue to say
that there is no way
that I could ever make a difference. 
But here I still am
and here on this rock I will stand,
held steadily in His great hands.
His wings surround and enfold me,
keeping me warm.
He sent His son to die for me,
for all of the stupid things I've done.
You don't control my fate
and you have no say
over what God has in store for me.
I could only have days
or even minutes left.
But in the time He has given me
I will plant seeds.
I have a purpose and a need
to spread His love
to those who feel the same
and remind and convince them
that they should not be ashamed.
I pray that you remember 
you are not to be blamed for what they say.


ISAIAH 43:18-19 - FORGET THE FORMER THINGS, DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST. SEE I AM DOING A NEW THING, NOW IT SPRINGS UP. DO YOU NOT PERCEIVE IT? I AM MAKING A WAY IN THE WILDERNESS AND STREAMS IN THE WASTELAND.

HE CARRIES ME (UPDATE)

SICKNESS SEEMS TO FOLLOW ME
AS IF IT WHERE A BAD DREAM
OR A JUST-OVER-ME SURROUNDING DARK CLOUD.

I HAVE NO CONTROL,
NOR DO I WISH TO,
OVER THE ELEMENTS,
OVER GOD'S PLAN.
I KNOW HE WILL NEVER GIVE ME
MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE.
AFTER ALL,
HE USES THE WEAK LIKE ME
TO SHAME THE STRONG.

BUT THEN I QUESTION HIM
AND WONDER IF HE REALLY DOES NOW
ALL OF THE PAIN I HAVE SUFFERED,
HAVE BEEN IN AND STILL AM.
DOES HE CARE?
IS HE THERE?
HAS HE SUFFERED?
DOES HE UNDERSTAND?

BUT WHEN MY HEART BREAKS,
WHICH IT DOES,
CUZ YOU KNOW US SENSITIVE ARTISTS TYPES,
A CALMNESS SUDDENLY OVERTAKES ME,
A CALM THAT DOES NOT EXIST
IN THIS EARTHLY REALM.
A CALM THAT CAN ONLY BE FELT
WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART
BE HELD IN JESUS' LOVING HANDS.
A CALM THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM HEAVEN.

AND NOW I AM FACED WITH THIS NEW SICKNESS,
AND I PRAY FOR A MIRACLE
SO ALL OF THE DOCTORS ON MY CASE WILL KNOW
THAT MIRACLES STILL EXIST.
AFTER ALL,
JESUS IS THE SAME
TODAY,
YESTERDAY
AND TOMORROW.

I BELIEVE
AND I TRY
TO LIVE
AS IF
JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED YESTERDAY,
ROSE TODAY,
AND IS COMING BACK TOMORROW.

WE MUST ALWAYS LIVE BY FAITH,
NEVER BY SIGHT,
TRY TO PEER THROUGH THE GLASS DARKLY,
BELIEVE IN THE UNSEEN,
AND KEEP THE FAITH.

BECAUSE THE FALLEN ONE,
WHOM I LIKE TO CALL LU,
SENDS
HIS HARMLESS LITTLE DIRTY MINIONS
TO CONVINCE YOU
THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE
THE GIFTS THAT GOD IS SENDING YOUR WAY
AND THE AZURE BLUE SKIES
THAT ARE RIGHT NOW FORMING,
WITH LITTLE PURE WHITE PUFFY CLOUDS
THAT LOOK LIKE ALL KINDS OF ANIMALS.

TRUST ME,
JESUS KNOWS
ALL OF THE PAIN YOU FEEL,
EVERYTHING HE HAS BROUGHT YOU THROUGH.
JESUS IS OUR FAMILY,
OUR HEAVENLY DADDY.

JESUS LOVES ALL OF US
BEYOND ALL THINGS
AND WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH
LIKE RECENTLY,
HE GENTLY CARRIES ME
AND YOU.

PROVERBS 3:5-6 - TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS SUBMIT TO HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

IT'S NOT YOU (UPDATE)

I AM NOT OVERSTATING
WHEN I SAY
THAT EVERY DAY
I HAD TO SUFFER THROUGH
FIGHTING, 
SCREAMING,
HITTING
AND THREATS
AND BEING TOLD I WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHING,
THAT I WAS STUPID,
THAT I WAS UGLY.
JUST A TASTE.

BACK THEN,
IT WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO BE MENTIONED.

BUT IF I CAN HELP JUST ONE SOUL,
THEN TODAY
I SHALL SAY
THAT IT WAS NOT AND IS NOT
AND NEVER WILL BE OKAY
TO BE TREATED THIS WAY.

DO NOT LET ANYONE,
EVEN YOUR SUPPOSED LOVED ONES,
TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE
THE WAY THEY WANT YOU TO,
MAKE A LITTLE MINI THEM
SO THEY CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES 
OVER THROUGH YOU AGAIN.
JUST BECAUSE THEIR LIVES DID NOT TURN OUT
THE WAY THEY WANTED FOR THEMSELVES
DOES NOT MEAN THEY OR ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT
TO START OVER AGAIN THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE.

THERE IS A REASON WHY
WE ARE ONLY GIVEN ONE CHANCE AT LIFE.

LISTEN TO AN OLDER CHILD OF THE KING,
SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS PLACE
THAT IS NOT MY HOME FOR NEARLY 61 YEARS
AND IS NOT YOUR MOTHER (LOL):

YOUR LIFE IS YOURS
UNTIL YOU GIVE IT AWAY.
AND I PRAY THAT WHEN YOU DO GIVE IT AWAY,
YOU GIVE IT TO THE KING OF KINGS.
JESUS, I MEAN.

IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR JESUS,
WHO KNOWS WHO OR WHERE I WOULD BE TODAY.
WOULD I BE WRITING POETRY
THAT HAS BEEN READ IN, GOD BLESS,
NEARLY 70 COUNTRIES?

YOU SEE,
MY EARLIEST MEMORY
IS COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL,
SEEING THE KITCHEN CUPBOARDS OPEN
AND MOVING BOXES EVERYWHERE.
SO I NEVER KNEW IF MY DADDY
WAS COMING OR GOING.
NO STABILITY.

MY MOTHER WAS BUSY
FEELING GUILTY
BECAUSE MY SISTER HAD CONTRACTED
POLIO IN HER LEG
THE SAME YEAR THE POLIO VACCINE WAS TAINTED.

SO, ME?
I WAS SHOVED INTO THE SHADOWS.
THAT IS,
UNTIL MY DAD BROUGHT OUT HIS BELT.

IT'S NOT EASY FEELING INVISIBLE
FROM YOUR EARLIEST MEMORIES,
ONLY BROUGHT OUT OF THE CORNERS
WHEN I WAS IN TROUBLE.

WHERE WAS THE LOVE?
WHAT HAD I DONE WRONG?
AND I DARE NEVER 
SHOW ANY FEELINGS.
AND I MOST ESPECIALLY
WAS NOT ALLOWED TO CRY,
EVEN THOUGH I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF,
EVEN WHEN I BROKE MY ARM.
HOW COULD I AS A LITTLE CHILD NEVER CRY?

AND NOW I'M IN TROUBLE
FOR SHARING THE DEEP DARK SECRET
OF ALL OF THE BEATINGS.

HOW DID YOU NEVER KNOW?
OR WAS IT JUST EASIER FOR YOU
TO TURN YOUR BACK,
IGNORE?

BUT I FEEL LED TO  SHARE,
TO LET OTHERS KNOW
THEY ARE NOT ALONE
IN THEIR SUFFERINGS.
THAT THEY ARE LOVED.

AND THERE REALLY IS SOMEONE WHO CARES,
SOMEONE WHO SACRIFICED HIS LIFE ON A TREE
TO SET YOU FREE.

JESUS CRIED AND DIED FOR YOU,
SO, RETURN THE FAVOR,
AND GIVE HIM YOUR LIFE. 
COME TO HIM AS YOU ARE.
HE WILL WASH YOU CLEAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE ANYTHING.
HIS CLEANSING BLOOD AND SACRIFICE
WILL DO THAT FOR YOU.
I PROMISE YOU WILL NOT REGRET
GIVING YOUR LIFE TO THE ONE WHO SAVED YOU.


ISAIAH 43:18-19 - FORGET THE FORMER THINGS, DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST.  SEE I AM DOING A NEW THING, NOW IT SPRINGS UP.  DO YOU NOT PERCEIVE IT? I AM MAKING A WAY IN THE WILDERNESS AND STREAMS IN THE WASTE LAND.

LOVE (UPDATE)

It sucks when people say things about you 

that aren't true.

And these people, even though related, 

don't even know the real you.

But I've been told that's life 

and life's not fair.

But those who really honestly love you

care even though they really know you.

That's the beauty of this place we call home,

even though our real home is someplace else.

If it hasn't happened to you,

just wait, it will.

You will meet the right person

who understands, empathizes, loves your faults.

It took me a while,

but my precious God brought me together

with Paul.

He loves me when I'm grouchy,

bed head, dirty jeans, no make-up face and everything else.

I guess he must see me through God's eyes.

That's why

God's word says not to become unequally yoked.

You want someone who shares your beliefs,

whatever those are.

You need someone,

you deserve someone,

who will love you,

pimples and all.

And that is love.


2 CORINTHIANS 6:14 - DO NOT BE YOKED TOGETHER WITH UNBELIEVERS.  FOR WHAT DO RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WICKEDNESS HAVE IN COMMON, OR WHAT FELLOWSHIP CAN LIGHT HAVE WITH DARKNESS?

MY HUSBAND PAUL AND ME ON OUR HONEYMOON IN OAHU, HAWAII 10-20-12

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT (UPDATE)

When you've been shuffled
around all of your life,
shoved, disappeared into any convenient corner,
lived with so much fighting,
hitting,
bleeding,
you tend to just want to stay 
hiding in a corner somewhere again
because that's where you feel safe.
But then Jesus comes into your heart
and you suddenly know what love is,
the kind of love
that can only come from God,
and you are given His strength,
and the strength comes from, oddly, being so weak.
Then you can't help but want to share
and wonder if somewhere
there's someone else who's suffered the same
and does not yet know our Savior's name.
So you want there to be some meaning
for everything that has gone wrong.
You want to plant some seeds,
plant a song in someone's soul;
let them know
that they are not alone
and that they haven't done anything wrong.
It is not your fault.

PROVERBS 4:23 - ABOVE ALL ELSE, GUARD YOUR HEART, FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FLOWS FROM IT.

ALL I WANT (UPDATE)

I only started out
praying to God
that this pain that I've suffered
in one way or the other
would help just one person;
that there would be a reason
for my suffering; 
that it wouldn't be in vain.
And now, it seems,
much more than one
has been helped in some way,
hopefully opened their closed hear to Jesus,
that I've planted some seeds.
Jesus is the answer,
Jesus is the key,
whatever I have to say
isn't coming from me.
This pain that wakes me so harshly
daily
is being allowed to continue
so that God can have the glory,
for I sure as heck
don't have it in me
to live with this constant agony.
The only reason I continue
is that His word says the suffering
will bring me closer to the King
for He suffered much more
than I could ever comprehend.
Even when it seems
like there's no end in sight,
this blight on my record,
this blight on my soul,
this grouchiness,
this sadness and unforgiveness
will be healed one day
when I have my new body
and my soul is at rest
in the presence of my maker.
I don't care about the streets of gold.
All I want is to sit at Jesus' feet,
listen to his stories
and sing and praise
and worship my Lord and Savior
for all the days.

PSALM 5:3 - IN THE MORNING, O LORD, YOU HEAR MY VOICE; IN THE MORNING I LAY MY REQUESTS BEFORE YOU AND WAIT IN EXPECTATION.

May you have faith (UPDATE)

May you wish upon a star,
dream a dream,
travel far,
never be afraid
to be who you are.
Don't let anyone tell you
that you can't do what you want.
Life is far too short to compromise,
to live a lie.
No matter what they say,
I pray that you live this one and only life
that God has blessed us with
 to the fullest,
to never give up,
to never stop dreaming.
Be original,
be yourself,
smile every day,
and pass it on.
May you be blessed and loved
and never forget
that it's okay to laugh.
Be a child at heart
no matter your age.
Love others.
Don't make too many demands.
Be selfish
once in a while.
Have a pity party if that's your wish,
but, as my sweet Aunt Linda says,
don't forget to invite Jesus.
Just don't let the pity last.
Live life with no regrets,
have some passion
and believe.
And always remember 
that faith is confidence in all things unseen.

Hebrews 11:1 [Full Chapter]

[ Faith in Action ] Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

VISIONS AND DREAMS (UPDATE)

I just have so many questions
and so many words tumbling out.
I'm desperately inclined to write them down
or I'd be shouting
all day long.
So here I am singing my nightly song,
praying my prayer,
wishing on a star,
having faith in what is out there,
believing in the unseen.
I have seen, though,
which means
that I should believe more.
People say they wish they could see,
but seeing only makes you a little more scared and afraid
to go to sleep
because you have no idea what you are going to dream.
Is it going to be good
or another prophecy?
You probably won't believe me
if I tell you this,
but what the heck -
I woke up in the middle of the night
and saw a heavenly light
surrounding my room,
a crazy sight
to wake up to
when you haven't slept much
and are prone to insomnia.
This light, like a neon sign,
was scribbled in red,
on the top of the walls.
I knew what it was right away
because I pray for it every second of every day.
It was the blood of Jesus,
surrounding and protecting my family and me.
No darkness allowed,
this sign says.
Stay away from this one,
she's not of this world.

Be careful what you pray for.
Faith is believing in what you don't see.
And not believing doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
It just means you are resistant against your own wishes.
Take it from someone 
who dreams
and sees
prophecies,
visions
and dreams.

1 CORINTHIANS 12:7-11 -

7  Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b]11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.