I DIDN'T DO IT! (UPDATED)

I FIND THAT EVERY DAY

MY EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY.

IF ONLY I COULD SHED

THIS SADNESS AND DARKNESS

LIKE A CLOAK,
THIS LITTLE BLACK CLOUD
THAT SEEMS TO JUST WANT FOLLOW ME
EVERYWHERE,
ALL THE TIME.

BLOW AWAY YOU DARK CLOUD YOU,
'CUZ YOU ARE MAKING ME
BLUE.

WHY SHOULD I STILL BE AFFECTED

BY THE ABUSE AND NEGLECT?

HOW CAN I STILL BLAME

THOSE WHO ARE NOW GONE,
THE INSTIGATORS?

AND THE ONES THAT ARE STILL HERE,

I FIND IT HARD TO HOLD THEM DEAR.

MAYBE IF THEY WOULD APOLOGIZE

OR EVEN JUST ADMIT TO WHAT THEY DID AND SAID

I COULD MOVE FORWARD,

GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS EMOTION- FILLED PIT.

I DON'T LIKE FEELING THIS WAY,

SORRY FOR MYSELF ALMOST EVERY DAY,

WISHING THAT I HAD BEEN RAISED

BY ANYONE, ANYBODY ELSE,
ANY OTHER FAMILY,

TREASURED FOR BEING MYSELF

RATHER THAN EMBARRASSMENT 
AND SHAME AND BLAME

ALL FOLLOWING ME AROUND

AS IF I WERE SOME SILLY LITTLE CLOWN.

WILL THEY EVER
IN THIS LIFETIME REALIZE

THAT JESUS MADE ME THIS WAY,

AND THAT IS HOW
IT IS GOING TO STAY?

MOST LIKELY, SPEAKING FROM
EXPERIENCE,
THEY WILL NEVER
UNDERSTAND
THAT GOD MADE ME THIS WAY,
SPECIAL,
FOR A REASON.

 I MUST FIND IT IN  MY HEART

TO FORGIVE AND FORGET,

FOR REMEMBERING IS CERTAINLY

DOING MYSELF THE MOST HARM,
AND UNFORGIVENESS
WEIGHS ME DOWN.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

I MUST LEARN,
THOUGH,

IS TO FORGIVE MYSELF,

BECAUSE I DIDN'T EARN

THE ABUSE,

THE NEGLECT

OR EVEN THE SHAME.

I AM NOT TO BLAME.

PSALM 139:14

I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, AND I KNOW THAT FULL WELL.