WHY, OH WHY?

LORD, I DON'T MEAN TO QUESTION YOU,

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?

AND NOW YOU'RE ASKING

THE WEAKEST ONE

TO GO OUT AND SPREAD YOUR WORD.

HOW AM I TO DO THAT?

HOW?

I'M BROKEN,

BOTH MY BODY AND MY SOUL.

I AM SO TIRED

OF ALL OF THIS FIGHTING,

TRYING TO FORGIVE AND FORGET

WHAT THEY DID TO ME.

THEY WON'T EVEN ADMIT IT.

I THINK THAT'S WHAT HURTS THE MOST.

PLUS YOU PUT THIS

OVER-SENSITIVE SOUL

INTO THIS PIT OF SNAKES.

EVEN TO THIS DAY,

SHE MAKES ME CRY.

AND I CAN'T EVEN LOOK IN THE MIRROR

FOR FEAR OF SEEING THE MONSTER

SHE CONVINCED ME I WAS.

AND NOW THIS PAIN,

EVERY DAY,

ALL THE TIME,

SOMETIMES WORSE,

NEVER BETTER.

HOW CAN I BE A GOOD WIFE LIKE THIS?

MAKE ME WHOLE, MY SWEET JESUS,
PLEASE.

CHANGE MY HEART,

HELP ME TO REMEMBER

THAT YOU KNEW FROM THE START

WHAT I WOULD BE WRITING NOW,

MAYBE HELPING SOMEONE ELSE,

AND THAT, NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES OR SAYS,

YOU ARE MY DADDY,

AND I AM THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE.

THANK YOU

FOR YOUR SACRIFICE
ON CALVARY.

DEUTERONOMY 32:10

IN A DESERT LAND HE FOUND HIM, IN A BARREN AND HOWLING WASTE.  HE FOUND HIM AND CARED FOR HIM;

HE GUARDED HIM AS THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.

AM I NOT DOING ENOUGH?

LORD, I'M DOING ALL YOU ASK.

I'M PUSHING THROUGH THE PAIN

AND SHARING WITH ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN,

EVEN THOSE IN THE HALLWAYS IN THE 

EMERGENCY ROOM

WHERE I LIE.

I SHARE ABOUT HOW YOU SACRIFICED

AND DIED FOR US

AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE US.

I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE ON THIS EARTH

WHO HAS BEEN HURT AS A CHILD

OR SUFFERED THROUGH A LONG UNLOVABLE MARRIAGE,

AND NOW THIS RIDICULOUS

CONSTANT

SEVERE PAIN.

HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG?

OR IS THIS MY DOOR

THAT I NEED TO ROLL THROUGH?

MUST I

SHARE MY HURTS AND SCARS?

REALLY?

WELL, IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME,

OR AM I WASTING MY TIME?

SHOULD I CONTINUE

WITH THIS RIDICULOUS RHYME?

ARE YOU LISTENING?

IS THIS MY THING?

WRITING TO THOSE

THAT I PROBABLY WILL NEVER KNOW,

SHARING THE DEEPEST PART OF ME,

AND PRAYING THAT THEY HEAR

THE MESSAGE I'M TRYING TO SEND:

THAT JESUS BRIDGED THE GAP

BETWEEN US AND GOD

WHEN HE SACRIFICED

HIS LIFE,

SHED HIS BLOOD,

WAS MADE FUN OF,

AND DIED

BECAUSE OF OUR SIN,

BECAUSE OF US.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT HE ROSE AGAIN,

HE HAS THE KEYS.

JUST OPEN YOUR HEART

AND LET HIM IN.

AND NO MATTER

THE CIRCUMSTANCE

JESUS WILL LEAD YOU THROUGH.

REVELATION 1:18

I AM THE LIVING ONE; I WAS DEAD, AND NOW LOOK, I AM ALIVE FOR EVER AND EVER! AND I HOLD THE KEYS TO DEATH AND HADES.

BUT I AM

YOU TELL ME TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD

AND TELL THE LOST ABOUT THE

SACRIFICE OF THE LORD,

BUT I AM.

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN

FROM HOME

ON THE WORLDWIDE WEB.

YOU SEE,

I USE A WHEELCHAIR MOST OF THE TIME,

CAN ONLY WALK A FEW STEPS,

AND I HAVE TO SIT DOWN TO GET DRESSED.

(DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA.")

ALL THE TIME THINKING TO MYSELF,

'I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THIS."

 BEFORE MY ACCIDENT,

I HAD JUST FINISHED SWIMMING,

NON-STOP I MUST ADD,

TWO AND A HALF MILES,

WHICH I'VE BEEN ASSURED,

IS IRON MAN LENGTH.

I KNOW

I WAS IN A POOL

BUT I REFUSE TO SWIM

WHERE I CAN'T SEE THE BOTTOM.

WHO KNOWS WHAT MAY BE DOWN THERE?

WHEN I SWAM,

IT WAS MY ALONE TIME WITH THE LORD.

I'VE BEEN SWIMMING SINCE I WAS ZERO,

PROBABLY LEARNED HOW TO SWIM IN A DITCH

ON THE COTTON FARM;

I'M NOT SURE.

ALL I KNOW IS HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED THOSE

TIMES WHEN I WOULD LISTEN TO MY PRAISE AND WORSHIP MUSIC AND PRAY

AND THANK JESUS FOR THE GIFTS

HE HAS GIVEN ME.

SO,

SINCE I AM AT THIS POINT

UNABLE TO SWIM,

AND I MISS MY ALONE TIME WITH THE LORD,

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,

I PUT ON MY I POD,

AND BEFORE I'VE KNOWN IT,

TWO TO THREE HOURS

HAVE JUST FLED.

IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING

TO HAVE MY TWO PETS AT MY FEET,

BE COMFORTABLE IN MY BED,

AND STILL BE ABLE TO PRAISE MY KING.

I BELIEVE ONE OF MY MISSIONS,

WHY I WRITE SO FREQUENTLY,

IS TO ENCOURAGE THE MORE

UNFORTUNATE,

WHO ARE IN WORSE PAIN THAN ME,

AND MAYBE SOMEONE BELIEVES

THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD

THAT COULD EVER UNDERSTAND

HOW THEY FEEL,

WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH.

YOU ARE WRONG.

YOU SEE,

THERE IS THIS MAN NAMED JESUS

THAT STRETCHED OUT HIS ARMS THIS WIDE

AND WAS CRUCIFIED

TO CLEANSE YOU OF YOUR SINS

AND TO LET YOU KNOW

HOW VERY MUCH HE UNDERSTANDS

AND KNOWS

AND LOVES YOU SO.

YOU

ARE

NOT

ALONE.

JOHN 3:16

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM

SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.

DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME

PITY.

THERE IT IS AGAIN.

I WAS PRETTY SURE I HAD GOTTEN RID OF IT,

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN VERY GOOD AT HIDING THINGS.

I NEED TO BE SLAIN IN THE SPIRIT,

THAT'S WHAT I NEED.

I WAS HONESTLY SLAIN IN THE SPIRIT

ONLY ONCE BEFORE.

AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW IT FEEDS YOUR SOUL

I WAS STANDING AT THE ALTER

WITH LOTS OF OTHERS

WHO WANTED A TOUCH OF THE HOLY GHOST, TOO.

BUT I WAS BLESSED TO HAVE MY SWEET AUNT LINDA

LAYING HER HANDS

ON MY FOREHEAD

AND

PRAYING IN TONGUES.

FOR ME

AND SUDDENLY

I FLOATED,

AS IF JESUS HIMSELF WAS HOLDING ME

ALL THE WAY

DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

AND THEN IT FELT

AS IF I WAS LYING

IN A BED MADE OF COTTON.

AFTER ABOUT TEN MINUTES OR SO,

OR MAYBE IT WAS AN HOUR.

I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER

BECAUSE THE ENTIRE TIME I PRAISING MY SWEET LORD,

EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T FORM A NORMAL WORD,

I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD THE ANGELIC SONG

I WAS SINGING IN MY SOUL.

WHO WOULD WANT TO EVER GIVE THAT UP?

1 THESSALONIANS 5:16-18

REJOICE ALWAYS,

PRAY CONTINUALLY,

GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES;

FOR THIS IS

GOD'S WILL

FOR YOU

IN  JESUS CHRIST.

PRAY THROUGH THE PAIN - REALLY? (WITH SCRIPTURE)

PRAY THROUGH THE PAIN.

THAT'S NOT MY MANTRA,

IT'S YOURS.

WELL,

OBVIOUSLY,

NOT YOURS,

SERIOUSLY,

BUT NOT MINE.

WHEN THE VERY FIRST THING

WHEN YOU JUST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

SLEEP STILL IN YOUR EYES,

AND YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING SO WELL LATELY.

PRAISE GOD,

SO THE PAIN IS FORGOTTEN DURING

THAT PRECIOUS TIME,

THE TIME JESUS LOVES YOU SO MUCH

HE LETS YOU REST IN HIS COMFY WINGS;

THE VERY FIRST THING YOU FEEL WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES

IS 
INDESCRIBABLE
PAIN

ALL OVER YOUR BODY

AND YOU NEED HELP JUST GETTING OUT OF BED,

AND THE FRUSTRATION HITS YOU,

NO LIE,

LIKE A HAMMER ON MY HEAD.

I USED TO BE SO INDEPENDENT

GOING TO AND FRO,

KEEPING ACTIVE IN MY HOME CHURCH,

HAVING LUNCH WITH MY FRIENDS,

MOVIES AND SHOPPING,
NOT TO MENTION SWIMMING
IRON-MAN LENGTH
(THAT WOULD BE TWO AND A HALF MILES.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT 
FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN SWIMMING
ALL OF THEIR LIVES?)

NOW I FEEL BLESSED

IF I HAVE
 ENOUGH ENERGY
THESE VERY ROUGH DAYS
THAT HAVE LASTED FOR YEARS
JUST TO GET DRESSED

AND OPEN MY LAPTOP

AND SHARE.

BECAUSE I KNOW

THAT OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS

ARE BROKEN, TOO,

PROBABLY MORE,

MAYBE ALONE FOR ALL I KNOW,

AND ALL OF THESE SIBLINGS IN CHRIST NEED TO KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY

TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF

OCCASIONALLY,

ONCE IN A WHILE

AS LONG AS JESUS

IS ON YOUR LIST.

JUST DON'T LET THE PITY

COME IN TO LIVE.

WHEN SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW OUR LORD

SEES ME, NOT HAPPY BECAUSE I'M IN A WHEELCHAIR,,

BUT HAPPY AND GLOWING

BECAUSE I KNOW MY LORD, LIKE NO OTHER,

CARES,

LOVES,

SHED HIS BLOOD

AND DIED FOR ME.

IT'S HARD TO ACCEPT SUCH LOVE

WHEN YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN IT.
BUT JESUS KNOWS HOW TO SHOW IT.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:17

PRAY CONTINUALLY

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL (UPDATED)

LORD, PLEASE DON'T LET ME 

TURN BACK INTO THAT SHREW;

REMEMBER THOSE TIMES?

I DID'T LIKE ME AT ALL,

NOT ONE BIT.
HONESTLY,
I DON'T THINK ANYONE DID.

I WASN'T A NICE PERSON

WITHOUT YOU IN MY HEART,

I WAS ONLY OUT FOR MYSELF.

HOW CAN YOU LOVE SUCH A SINNER AS ME,

WHEN IT IT WAS MY OWN SIN

THAT SENT YOU TO THAT TREE?

YOU SHED YOUR BLOOD
FREELY

AND WASHED ME CLEAN.

MY SINS HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN,

I HAVE A NEW LIFE.

MY BODY MAY BE BROKEN,

BUT IT IS WELL

WITHIN MY SOUL

FOREVERMORE.

I LOVE YOU, LORD.

...IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL

SCARED

I LONG TO LET GO 
OF THESE HEAVY EARTHLY BURDENS
THAT ARE ABSOLUTELY OF NO USE,
NOT TO MENTION, NONSENSE.

OH MY LORD,

STICK A FORK IN ME
CUZ I'M DONE.
I'M TRYING TO STICK AROUND FOR THE LAST LITTLE BIT OT THIS,
BUT,
HONESTLY,
I'M BORED OF IT ALL.
BANGING ON THE SAME DOORS AND WINDOWS
YEAR AFTER YEAR.
THE BLOOD HAS DRIED,
BUT IT'S STILL THERE.
I NEVER SEEM TO MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
HELLO! IS ANYONE THERE?

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA SAY NO TO YOU,
THOUGH, LORD.
AT LEAST I'VE LEARNED THAT MUCH.
BUT

I'VE TRIED,
I'M TIRED,
AND I'M ABSOLUTELY OVER
ALL OF THIS RIDICULOUS IN-FIGHTING.

AM I JUST NOT SEEING THE FOREST
FOR THE TREES,
SO TO SPEAK,
THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY?
I WRITE
BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING,
BESIDES YOUR HOLY GHOST
 THAT HELPS
HEAL THE SCARS
AND THE DEEP WOUNDS.
BUT WHY SEND ME,
ONE WHO WAS RAISED IN SMALL SOUTHERN BAPTIST
CHURCHES
WHERE THE ATTENDANCE 
WOULD HARDLY EXCEED
THIRTY.
WHY LEAD ME HERE?
WHAT CAN I DO?
I'M EITHER ROLLING AROUND IN A WHEELCHAIR
OR HOBBLING ON A CANE.
I KNOW NO ONE,
AND NO ONE KNOWS ME.
YET
THESE YOUNG ADULTS SEEM TO BE DRAWN TO ME
AS I AM TO THEM.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO MAKE THE SAME STUPID MISTAKES,
TO NOT WALK AWAY
AND TRY TO DO THIS LIFE ON THEIR OWN.
THESE YOUNG CHRISTIANS ARE OUR FUTURE,
AND WE MUST PASS THE LIGHT,
SO HERE I AM
AT A CHURCH SO BIG
THAT I MOST LIKELY LOOK
LIKE A LITTLE ANT TO THE PASTOR.
BUT I'VE LEARNED A THING OR TWO
SINCE WE LOST MAMA J JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR.
I WILL NOT ONLY LISTEN TO YOU, JESUS,
BUT I WILL STAY AS INSTRUCTED.
AND I WILL KEEP ON WRITING NO MATTER THE CONSEQUENCES.
BECAUSE, FOR SOME ODD REASON,
I'M STARTING TO FEEL AT HOME.

LET YOUR LITTLE LIGHT SHINE,
AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO LET IT GROW.

COTTONWOOD

LORD, YES, I KNOW I SHOULD BE OVER IT BY NOW,
BUT I GUESS, REALLY,
IT'S BEEN JUST A BLINK OF AN EYE
UP THERE WHERE I SO WANT TO BE,
WITH YOU IN HEAVEN.

SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE ANOTHER LIFETIME

WHEN THE THREE OF US WERE RUNNING

AROUND, NO BOUNDARIES, IN THE HOT SOUTHERN ARIZONA SUN
ON GRANDADDY'S COTTON FARM.
WE WOULD BE BAREFOOT
AND DRESSED IN OUR SWIMSUITS,
DAVID THEN JEANETTE THEN ME,
SHERRIE,
NONE OF US,
I DON'T THINK
OLDER THAN EIGHT.
WELL, HOW ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE DRESSED
IF YOU PLAYED ON A COTTON FARM
IN 120 DEGREE WEATHER?

ACTUALLY, THE SHADE FROM ALL OF THOSE
COTTONWOOD TREES
THAT LINED THE DIRT ROADS,
COULD,
ON A GOOD DAY,
BE RATHER REFRESHING,
ESPECIALLY IF YOU WERE CLOSE TO
ONE OF THE DITCHES. 
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD SWIMMER,
BUT DO NOT LIKE SWIMMING SOMEPLACE
WHERE I CANNOT CLEARLY SEE THE BOTTOM.

SO MY MOM WAS THE ELDEST OF EIGHT,
AND DAVID THE YOUNGEST,
AGE-WISE DAVID COULD HAVE BEEN A BROTHER TO ME IF HE HAD WANTED.  HE WAS TO JEANETTE.
BUT, HONESTLY,
WITH ALL OF THE BBs HE SHOT AT ME
(NO LICENSE REQUIRED),
I DON'T THINK I MISSED MUCH IN THAT REGARD.
BUT AUNT PATSY
WAS A RED-HEADED SAINT.
SHE TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO THE TWIST
AND THE MASHED-POTATO.
SHE FILLED THE SHOES
MY OWN SISTER REFUSED.
I MISS YOU AUNT PATSY,
BUT I KNOW YOU 
AND THAT IT IS YOU
TEACHING THE ANGELS HOW TO DANCE.

THE REASON I LOVED IT SO MUCH
ON THIS DIRT FARM WE CALLED HOME?
BESIDES BEING WITH MY BELOVED GRANDADDY
AND CHRISTIAN GRANDMA
THAT TAUGHT ME HOW JESUS LOVED ME SO
AND MY BEAUTIFUL AUNT PATSY
WITH THE RED HAIR,
IS THE FACT
THAT I DIDN'T GET SMACKED AROUND
JUST BECAUSE,
BY ANYONE.

PSALM 7:1

LORD, MY GOD,
I TAKE REFUGE IN YOU;
SAVE AND DELIVER ME
FROM ALL WHO PURSUE ME.

ABUNDANCE OF FREE LOVE

JUST GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON

WHY

YOU SHOVED ME IN FRONT OF COMPANY

JUST TO EMBARRASS ME

AND,

IN A RATHER THREATENING WAY,

TELL ME TO SAY MY NAME,

YOU KNEW

I HAD A HARD TIME

FORMING Rs.

AND WITH A NAME LIKE SHERRIE,

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

AND ALL  OF THIS FOR SOME FORM

OF CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT.

YOU MUST HAVE SEEN THE SHAME IN ME,

CHEEKS BURNING BRIGHTLY,

TRYING BEYOND ALL MEASURE

TO UNSUCCESSFULLY FIGHT EVEN
THE SHIMMER
OF THEM AWAY

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT IF I SHED

EVEN THE SMALLEST OF THEM,

BOTH THE SNICKERS

AND THE PUNISHMENT

WOULD BE MORE THAN
YOUR LITTLE GIRL'S NIGHTMARE.

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS RUN
AS FAST AS I COULD
INTO MY BEDROOM
WHERE I COULD LOCK THE WORLD OF HURT AWAY.

THAT'S MOST LIKELY

ONE OF THE EXPLANATIONS

WHY I CANNOT TO THIS DAY

STAND CONFRONTATIONS OF ANY KIND.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT 

TO A CUTE LITTLE GIRL NAMED SUNSHINE

WHO WOULDN'T HURT A FLY,

WHO STUCK UP FOR HER STRICKEN SISTER

EVER SINCE SHE COULD REMEMBER?

WHY?

OH, I KNOW,

THE OTHER ONE NEEDED MUCH MORE ATTENTION.

BUT, GUESS WHAT?

REMEMBER ME,

SHERRIE?

SO DID I,
NEED THE ATTENTION
DESPERATELY
I MEAN.

LOOKING BACK, THOUGH,

IF I HONESTLY MUST SAY

IT'S OKAY THINGS WERE

SO VERY MESSED UP.

OTHERWISE,

WHERE,

OH WHERE

WOULD I BE WITHOUT MY LORD,

WHO SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME,

HELD MY HAND,

AND SO LOVINGLY

INVITED ME INTO HIS FAMILY.

THE WORDS 'THANK YOU;

CAN NEVER EXPRESS

THE ABUNDANCE

OF LOVE

YOU HAVE HAPPILY,

FREELY GIVEN TO ME

EVEN AT THE GREAT COST

OF SACRIFICING YOUR

ONE AND ONLY SON.

EPHESIANS 2:8-9

AND IT IS BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THROUGH FAITH--AND THIS IS NOT FROM YOURSELVES, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD--NOT BY WORKS, SO THAT NO ONE CAN BOAST.

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

OUR REWARD

DOESN'T COME

UNTIL IT'S OVER.

WE MAY,

ESPECIALLY AT MY AGE,

FEEL AS IF WE'RE DUE,

BUT WE'RE NOT

'CUZ WE'RE STILL WALKING

THE PATH

OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

I PRAY

YOU KNOW THE ROAD.

THE ONE THAT'S NARROW AND STRAIGHT,

NO SNAKES ALLOWED,

COVERED IN HIS LOVE,

WASHED BY HIS BLOOD.

TOO MANY TIMES I STRAYED,

AND I'VE PAID.

I'D MUCH RATHER STAY

ON THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE.

THE WAY

MAY NOT BE EASYGOING,

BUT,

IN THE END,

IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT,

MUCH MORE THAN WE COULD EVER

IMAGINE OR DREAM.

SITTING AT MY LORD'S FEET?

WHAT 
MORE 
COULD I POSSIBLY ASK FOR?

GAME OVER (NOT)

THIS GAME'S NOT OVER YET,

SO, PRETTY PLEASE, DON'T DARE HIT RESET.

I'VE COME TOO FAR,

CLAWED MY WAY THROUGH

TO START OVER NOW,

LIKE THERE WAS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF CHANCE

I'D EVER ALLOW YOU

TO RESET

MY SOUL.

HOW IS ONE TO OVERCOME

THE HONEST FACT

THAT IF I WASN'T FEELING INVISIBLE,

SHUNNED BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSEDLY THE HEALTHY ONE, EVEN THOUGH I SUFFERED SEVERE CHRONIC ASTHMA,

I WAS WISHING I WAS.

AND DO YOU KNOW THE ONLY CURE FOR THAT

WAY BACK IN THE 1900s

WAS A HUGE SHOT OF ADRENALIN

THAT LEFT YOU SHAKING LIKE A WET DOG

AND AS SICK AS ONE TOO.

YOU SEE,

MY ELDER SISTER BY 19 MONTHS

CONTRACTED POLIO

THE SAME YEAR THE VACCINE

WAS ACTUALLY CAUSING THE DISEASE.

WHICH MEANS,

THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.

NONE-THE-LESS,

MY OLDEST SISTER

WAS AFFLICTED. 

SO,

OF COURSE,

I WAS CONSIDERED SELFISH

IF I DARE GET ILL,

EVEN SENT TO MY BEDROOM WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE

BECAUSE I HAD BROKEN MY ARM

AND HAD THE NERVE TO FIND IT HARD TO STOP SOBBING.

THAT'S HOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN,

EVEN TO THIS DAY.

I JUST PRAY THAT THERE WAS A WAY

FOR MY MOTHER TO WALK IN MY SHOES,

JUST FOR A SECOND.

TO FEEL ALL OF THOSE UNHEALED

SCARS,

TO THE POINT OF FINDING IT HARD

TO EVEN LOOK IN A MIRROR.

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER

GANGING UP WITH MY SISTER

WHEN DAD WASN'T AROUND,

TAUNTING ME,

CALLING ME STUPID AND UGLY?

AND IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER THAT

TODAY I'M PHYSICALLY

SUFFERING

DAILY,

EVERY SECOND,

TIC TOC.

WOULD I GET THE CARE I NEEDED FROM HER,

CUZ I NEVER HEAR

FROM SISTER DEAR,

WHICH, HOW THAT I THINK ON IT,

IS PROBABLY GOOD.

GUESS HER TROUBLES

ARE MAGNIFIED

BECAUSE,

AS SHE WAS ALWAYS WANT TO SAY,

SHE IS THE ELDEST.

I DEFER TO YOU,

MY ELDER SISTER.

OKAY,

NOW I MUST PRAY

FOR HARBORING 

UNGODLY THOUGHTS

AGAINST THE LOST.

I DON'T HAVE A CLUE

WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

MOM TOOK BOTH OF US TO CHURCH

ALL OF THE TIME

WHEN WE WERE LITTLE.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER

THE FUN SUNDAY SCHOOL

AND ME SINGING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

BECAUSE I WAS SINGING TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER,

THE ONLY ONE

EVEN AT THAT YOUNG AGE

I KNEW I COULD RELY ON

AND THAT LOVED ME?

AND I COULD HAVE SUNG ALL DAY LONG

IF I WAS ALLOWED.

BUT, NO,

WE HAD TO BE QUIET.

YOU KNOW WHY.

IF ONLY YOU COULD ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT WE DID NOT RECEIVE THE LOVE WE DESERVED

AT HOME

THEN MAYBE YOU JUST MIGHT

DECIDE TO FIGHT.

SO, I'VE LET THE FAMILY SECRET OUT.

I WOULD BE MORE THAN WILLING

TO SHOUT IT ALL

FROM THE TALLEST BUILDING

IF IT MEANT

JUST ONE SEED

WAS PLANTED.

BECAUSE THAT IS MY MISSION.

THROUGH MY WRITING.

AND ALSO TO ENCOURAGE

THE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS

TO NOT BE ASHAMED.

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE

AND YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE.

DON'T HIT THE RESET,

THIS GAME ISN'T OVER YET.

GOD HAS PLANS

FOR ALL OF US SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

PSALM 71:6

FROM BIRTH I HAVE RELIED ON YOU;

YOU BROUGHT ME FORTH FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB.

I WILL EVER PRAISE YOU.

OPPRESSED

YOU CRITICIZE,

SCORN,

SQUELCH ANY OUNCE OF DELIGHT

THAT JUST MIGHT BE

TRYING TO FIGHT ITS WAY OUT;

CRUSH MY SPIRIT,

AND YOUR EMBARRASSMENT SHINES,
ESPECIALLY
IF A SLIVER

OF MY CREATIVITY
MIGHT HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SLIP.

I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL I WAS SIXTY,

AFTER MOST OF THE CHAINS HAD BEEN BROKEN

BY UGLY THINGS THAT WERE 
INTENTIONALLY,
I BELIEVE,
SPOKEN

IN ORDER TO REALIZE

I DID HAVE SOMETHING

WORTHWHILE TO SAY.

TO CLARIFY,

NOT MY WORDS BUT HIS.

AFTER BEING SO OPPRESSED

FOR SO LONG,

IT WASN'T EASY

FINDING ME.

WHY WOULD A MOTHER

WANT TO SMOTHER

THE GOD-GIVEN GIFTS

OF A DAUGHTER?

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU COULD NOT SEE THAT SO CLEARLY
AND IGNORE THE SPARK IN MY GREEN EYES.

LORD, IF NOT FOR YOU,

NONE OF MY PRAYERS

WOULD NEVER HAVE COME TRUE.

THANK YOU, JESUS,

FOR TAKING A LITTLE GIRL'S TRAMPLED HEART,

RESHAPING IT

AND MAKING IT YOURS.
MAY YOU
AND YOU ALONE
BE GLORIFIED.

PSALM 9:9

THE LORD IS A REFUGE FOR THE OPPRESSED,
A STRONGHOLD IN TIMES OF TROUBLE.

STORMY WEATHER AHEAD (RVD)

HOW, OH LORD,

DID I END UP

IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM

YET AGAIN?
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN'T FEEL THE DARK CLOUDS FORMING.
I TRY TO KEEP MY DISTANCE
BUT BY THE TIME I  CATCH
THE REFRESHING SMELL OF THE RAIN,
I KNOW IT'S TOO LATE.
NEVER TOO LATE, THOUGH,
TO TAKE SHELTER FROM THE STORM
ENFOLDED IN YOUR LOVING WINGS.
BUT
WHY
DO I DECIDE,
NAY SEEM TO BE DRAWN,
RIGHT INTO THE VERY MIDDLE OF THE STORM?
NOW THAT I THINK ON IT,
THOUGH,
THE MIDDLE
IS THE MOST PEACEFUL.
EPIPHANY: THAT'S WHERE GOD WANTS ME,
BECAUSE I CAN SEE FROM A POINT OF ABSOLUTE PEACE
EXACTLY WHERE
AND
EXACTLY WHEN
TO JUMP INTO THE FRAY.
AND IF I GET IT RIGHT,
GOD WILL BRING A PERSON INTO MY LIFE
THAT IS OPEN TO MY TESTIMONY,
AND IT DOESN'T HURT
THAT I HAPPEN TO WRITE
INSPIRATIONAL POETRY.
GOD USES FOOLISH WEAK ME.
WHAT A PONDEROUS MYSTERY.
JUST A REMINDER, JESUS:
THIS LITTLE CHURCH MOUSE IS QUITE AFRAID
OF LIGHTENING AND THUNDER.

I CORINTHIANS 1:27 

BUT GOD CHOSE THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE WISE....

ISAIAH 41:10

SO DO NOT FEAR, FOR I AM WITH YOU...

WEARY (RVD)

SUNDAY MORNING

THE VERY LAST THING I FEEL LIKE DOING

IS GETTING OUT OF BED.

MY ENTIRE BODY HURTS.

WHAT'S NEW?

BUT IN ORDER TO CONTINUE,
I MUST PUSH THROUGH.

MY SPIRIT MUST BE FED.

AND AS THE GOOD BOOK SAYS,

WE MUST NOT GIVE UP ON GATHERING TOGETHER,

(I'M PARAPHRASING HERE.)

BECAUSE OF MY BACK INJURIES,

IT NORMALLY TAKES ME ABOUT TWO HOURS

TO GET READY.

I HAVE TO WEAR STYLISH CLOTHES,

AGE-APPROPRIATE, OF COURSE,

MAKE-UP JUST RIGHT,

HAIR PERFECT,

AND CAN I GET MY BOOTS ON
WITHOUT MAKING THIS USELESS BACK WORSE?

OR MAYBE

I SHOULD JUST STAY IN MY PJs

AND WATCH TV ALL DAY INSTEAD.

BUT HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP THE HURTS

THAT I'M FEELING,

THE SCARS THAT HAVE BEEN FORMED?

LIFE ISN'T LIKE THEY SHOW IT

ON THOSE SILLY PROGRAMS.

LIFE IS FULL OF UPS AND DOWNS,

NOT TO MENTION THE DETOURS THAT ABOUND.

AND THIS IS ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE SAT ON THAT

WHITE PICKET FENCE

TOO MANY TIMES?

'CUZ I'M TIRED OF ALL OF THESE STORMS.

GOD IS WITH ME

AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN

THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN.

I KNOW THAT I AM THE ONE THAT WALKS AWAY FROM HIM.

SO HOWEVER GOD CHOOSES TO USE

THESE WORDS THAT FLOW STRAIGHT FROM

MY PITIFUL BROKEN HEART,

I WILL CONTINUE THE FIGHT

TO THE VERY END.

GALATIANS 6:9

LET US NOT BECOME WEARY IN DOING GOOD, FOR AT THE PROPER TIME WE WILL REAP A HARVEST IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP.