SO GRATEFUL AND NOTHING BUT BLESSED

THE PAIN IS SO MUCH LESS

THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY,

HOW CAN I NOT FEEL ANYTHING BUT GRATEFUL AND BLESSED?

HAVEN'T FELT LIKE WRITING ANYTHING IN FOREVER

.MOST DAYS THE PAIN

HAS BEEN MUCH MORE THAN OVERWHELMING.

BUT, AS MY HUSBAND  HAS REMINDED ME MANY TIMES

(YES, SOME DAYS I REALLY DO LISTEN)

SOMETIMES GOD MAKES LEMONADE,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CLOUDS ARE DARK

AND IT IS MUCH MORE THAN GLOOMY,

IT IS RAINY.

BUT ISNT IT JUST THOSE TIMES

WHEN WE SHOULD BE THINKING UP THOUGHTFUL RHYMES

FOR PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW CLEAR ACROSS THE GLOBE,

IF ONLY JUST TO MAKE 

SOMEONE, ANYONE ELSE'S DAY

JUST THAT MUCH MORE HAPPY AND SUNNY

KNOWING SOMEONE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW

CLEAR ACROSS THE GLOBE

IS PRAYING FOR THEM.

MAY WE ALL LIVE IN PEACE.

WHY? (RVD)

SITTING IN MY WHEELCHAIR

AT THE LOCAL EMERGENCY ROOM,

I TOOK A CHANCE AND GLANCED AT THE CLOCK

AND REALIZED I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR HELP

FOR SIX HOURS.

MY BODY WAS IN EXCRUTIATING AGONY,

SHARP FIRE LIKE PAINS SHOOTING UP AND DOWN MY SPINE,

TRYING  SO HARD TO HIDE MY CRYING.

WE DIDN'T GET HOME UNTIL FOUR THIS MORNING.

SO WHY AM I SO GRATEFUL NOW?

BECAUSE I KNOW GOD WAS WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME,

AND I HAD A CHANCE TO TESTIFY JUST BY OTHERS WATCHING ME PRAYING.

I AM NOT ASHAMED.

I DO WONDER WHY, THOUGH, WHY I HAVE NOT YET BEEN HEALED.

I ASK MYSELF DAILY IS IT A QUESTION OF FAITH?

IS THIS BACK PAIN THE THORN IN MY SIDE?

AM I HELPING ANYONE BY LETTING THEM KNOW THERE IS HOPE AND A REASON FOR THEIR VERY EXISTENCE

AND THAT GOD CAN USE ANYONE, ANY TIME, ANY PLACE?

I PRAY SO,

SO AS MY OWN SUFFERING WOULD NOT BE IN VAIN.

JESUS SAYS THAT HE WILL NEVER PUT US THROUGH ANYTHING HE HASN'T BEEN THROUGH HIMSELF

OR NOTHING THAT WE CAN'T HANDLE.

BUT DON'T YOU SEE?

IF WE ARE TRULY WHO WE SAY WE ARE,

WE ARE NOT HANDLING A THING.

OUR LIFE BELONGS TO OUR SAVIOR AND KING.

AND SOME DAY SOON, THERE WILL BE NO MORE PAIN.

I AM GRATEFUL I'M A CHILD OF GOD,

AND I PRAY THAT WHATEVER I WRITE IS A COMFORT TO AT LEAST ONE PERSON IN THIS SMALL WORLD

AND HELPS THEM SEE THE TRUE NATURE OF GOD

AND DOES NOT GIVE UP

ON HIM OR HIS AGAPE LOVE.

NOT A GOOD TESTIMONY:  ARRIVED HOME FROM ER EARLY YESTERDAY AFTER BEING THERE FOR NEARLY 24 HOURS.  I HAD TO GO BY AMBULANCE, AND PRAISE GOD FOR ALL SUCH WORKERS.  BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A BUSY DAY FOR EMERGENCY ROOMS CUZ THEY WERE RE-ROUTING ALL AMBULANCES TO COUNTY.  NOT THAT I DON'T MIND COUNTY, BUT, PLEASE, AND I CAN SAY THIS CUZ I WORKED IN THE MEDICAL FIELD FOR ABOUT A SECOND:  PLEASE, IF YOU DO WORK IN THE MEDICAL FIELD AT ALL, IN ANY CAPACITY, THEN DO SO OUT OF EMPATHY.  GOOGLE IT.  OKAY, I'LL GET OFF MY SOAPBOX NOW.

I HEART METAPHORS

IT'S BEEN SINCE 2002,

AND ON TOP OF THAT,

YOU DIVORCED MY DAD WHEN I WAS 12,

SO COULD I PLEASE NOW BEG FOR GRACE

AND ASK STRAIGHT
TO  YOUR FACE
CUZ I'M VERY TIRED OF THIS
ELUSIVENESS,
TO PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF ME 
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME,
AND FOR KNOWING YOUR HISTORY,
BEHIND MY FACE.

I KNOW BY NOW THAT I WAS BORN WITH 
ALL OF MY POOR FATHER'S FAULTS.
IT'S CALLED GENETICS.
LOOK IT UP.
SO I'M SENSITIVE,
A GIANT AMONG YOU DWARFS,
LONG HEALTHY LEGS
(A SORE SUBJECT),
AND VERY SKIN THIN.
AND, HERE IS MY BROKEN HEART,
RIGHT ON MY SLEEVE
FOR ALL TO SEE.
BUT LOOKING AT MY FUZZY REFLECTION,
I SEE MYSELF HOLDING ONTO GRUDGES
AS IF THEY WERE SOME KIND OF SAFE GUARD,
OR, BETTER YET,
A DARK PLACE TO HIDE,
AS LONG AS IT'S ONLY LOCKED FROM THE INSIDE
(ANOTHER SORE SUBJECT).
I REMEMBER VIVIDLY
WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER
(WILL I EVER LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES?)
YOU BLAMED ME
VERY NASTILY
FOR SOMETHING I HAD NO IDEA HAD HAPPENED
LET ALONE DONE MYSELF.
YET YOU SLAPPED ME SO HARD,
BLOOD DRIPPED DOWN MY NECK
AND MY FACE.
YET, YOU HAD THE
AUDACITY
TO BLAME ME FOR THAT,
TOO.
THERE, I'VE SAID IT TO THE WORLD,
SO NOW I KNOW I MUST FORGIVE YOU,
BECAUSE I'VE STUDIED THE WORD
AS A MATURE CHRISTIAN
CRAVING MEAT
(METAPHORICALLY)
SHOULD.



SHOOTING STAR (COMPLETELY REVISED)

WHEN PHYSICALLY ABLE,

I LOVE TO LYE OUTSIDE
LATE AT NIGHT
AND GAZE UP INTO THE HEAVENS,
HOPING TO SEE
THE BEAUTY
OF A SHOOTING STAR.
SOMEHOW I JUST SEEM TO FEEL CLOSER
TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR OUTSIDE,
ALWAYS HAVE.
MUST BE SOMETHING ABOUT COMING FROM
SUCH AN ABUSIVE IN EVERY WAY
FAMILY.
(I'M NOT SAYING THAT SO YOU WILL FEEL SORRY FOR ME.  I'M SAVED, SO EVERY THING'S OKAY.)
HOW CAN ANYONE, I THINK,
NOT BELIEVE IN JESUS
IF THEY EVEN EVER JUST SAW A SLIVER OF THIS.
I LOVE, ALSO, TO THINK OF MY HOWEVER MANY GREATS GRANDMA BETTY
(SHE WROTE POEMS, TOO.)
GAZING DOWN AT ME
AND TELLING ME HOW PROUD SHE IS
OF WHAT I'VE DONE WITH MY POETRY,
EXCEPT MAYBE A LITTLE UPSET
THAT I HAD PUBLISHED ONE OF HER POEMS.
(CAN WE GET UPSET IN HEAVEN?)
IT'S SO NICE TO KNOW,
TO FEEL VERIFIED
THAT I WAS MADE
SO SENSITIVE,
EVEN THOUGH
BOTH
MY SISTER AND MOTHER 
WOULD MOST LIKELY CALL IT A CURSE.
OUCH! 
WAIT.  THAT DOESN'T HURT ANY LONGER,
PRAISE THE GOOD LORD.
GOD MADE ME FOR A PURPOSE,
WHICH IS TO SHOUT OUT
FROM THE ROOFTOPS
HIS MAJESTY.
AND NOT THAT I THINK I'M THIS GREAT WRITER.
BUT I KNOW THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO BE ASHAMED
ANY LONGER.
GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES.

(WHOOPS! DID YOU SEE THAT?  WE ALMOST MISSED THAT SHOOTING STAR - OR, AS I LIKE TO THINK, GOD JUST WINKED AT ME.

ROMANS 10:11

EVERYONE WHO TRUSTS IN HIM WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME.

AMEN
AND
AMEN AGAIN

PAIN (REVISED)

KNOW THE PAIN,

HE DID.

HE HUNG ON THE CROSS,

RAILROAD TIES-SIZED NAILS

PIERCED THROUGH HIS HANDS AND HIS FEET.

BLED

FOR ALL THE LOST.

SACRIFICED.

COUNTED THE COST.

FEEL THE HEARTBREAK,

HE DOES,

FOR THE LOST,

AND FOR HIS SHEEP

THAT ARE HURTING

OR HAVE BEEN HURT

BY THE UNCARING.

LET JESUS IN,

I DID

WHEN I WAS JUST FIVE

DESPITE, OR MAYBE BECAUSE OF,

ALL THE ABUSE.

DON'T USE THE WAY YOU WERE RAISED

AS AN EXCUSE.

GOD LOVES US ALL.

JESUS, GOD'S SON,

IS THE ONLY TICKET

TO HEAVEN.

CRYING (COMPLETELY REVISED - EVEN THE NAME)

I CAN'T SEEM TO SEE

WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
FOR I CAN'T QUITE GET
THESE TEARS
TO STOP FLOWING.
WHY DO YOU REFUSE
TO ADMIT
THE YEARS AND YEARS OF ABUSE?
YOU WERE THERE,
I SAW YOU.
IN FACT,
YOU WERE A PART OF IT,
ONLY, OF COURSE,
WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING.
I'M SO VERY TIRED, LORD,
OF ALL THE DENIAL.
YOU SEE MY PIERCED HEART,
YOU SEE THROUGH THE PAIN.
CAN MY RACE JUST PLEASE BE OVER?
OR IS THIS WALKING ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW QUITE NOT YET
FINISHED?
ARE THERE OTHERS TO REACH,
TO LET THEM KNOW
HOW VERY MUCH THEY ARE LOVED
AND HAVE NEVER
AND WILL NEVER
BE ALONE?
THEN IF I CAN HELP
JUST ONE OTHER
LOST LAMB,
OR EVEN PLANT A SEED
WITH THIS POETRY,
THIS ALL WILL HAVE BEEN WORTH IT.