UNFORGIVENESS = POISON

I LIKE TO SAY THAT UNFORGIVENESS WEIGHS.
IT'S TRUE, BUT UNFORGIVENESS IS ALSO POISON.
I SHOULD KNOW.
I AM JUST SO ANGRY TODAY.
ALL OF THE 'WELL, SHE HAS SO MUCH
GOING ON RIGHT NOW'S'?
I JUST CAN'T HEAR ANY MORE.
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY,
ALWAYS THE SAME,
ALWAYS THE EXCUSE
FOR THE ABUSE.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF I SAT ON YOU UNTIL YOU COULD BARELY BREATH,
SQUEEZING YOU SO TIGHTLY,
THEN PUNCH YOU TO THE POINT
OF HAVING TO SPIT UP BLOOD INTO A BOWL
ON THE KITCHEN TABLE?
WELL?
AND, O, YES,
LET US NOT FORGET HOW YOU LOVED
TO LOCK ME IN DARK SPIDERS-EVERYWHERE
CLOSETS
ALL DAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I SHOT YOU
IN YOUR LEGS WITH A BB GUN?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT STINGS?
I LOOKED UP TO YOU, LOVED YOU,
JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME.
BUT BECAUSE I HAD THE AUDACITY
TO BE BORN HEALTHY,
YOU APPARENTLY JUST COULDN'T HELP
YOURSELVES IN BALANCING THE SCALES.
AND IF I DARE BRING IT UP TO THIS DAY,
IT'S, DUH, MY FAULT.
ALWAYS.
BUT THEN I CAN SEE JESUS HANGING ON
THAT TREE ON CALVARY,
BLOOD AND WATER RUNNING DOWN HIS SIDE,
HUGE NAILS IN HIS FEET, IN HIS HANDS,
A CROWN OF THORNS SHOVED ON HIS HEAD,
BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE.
ALL OF THIS AFTER FLESH BEING STRIPPED
FROM HIS BACK.
AND HE HAD DONE NOTHING
BUT LOVE.
AND HANGING SO VERY PAINFULLY ON THAT CROSS
HE LOOKED TO THE LEFT,
HE LOOKED TO THE RIGHT,
AND HE FORGAVE.
SO WHO AM I TO ALLOW
THE TOXICITY OF UNFORGIVENESS
TO POSION MY HEART,
TO BLEED INTO WHO I AM TODAY?
I HAVE TO, MUST, STRIVE
TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS.
FORGIVE.
UNFORGIVENESS IS NOT ONLY POISON,
BUT IT IS A SIN.

1 JOHN 1:8 - IF WE CLAIM TO BE WITHOUT SIN, WE DECEIVE OURSELVES AND THE TRUTH IS NOT IN US.

OVERCOMER

MY SWEET JESUS,
WAKING UP THIS MORNING,
I FELT HELPLESS.
MY HEART IS STILL HURTING.
WHY DID THOSE SO CALLED
BROTHERS-IN-THE LORD
TREAT ME WITH SUCH DISDAIN
JUST BECAUSE I NEED TO SIT IN THE FRONT ROW
BECAUSE, AS IS VERY OBVIOUS,
AT LEAST TO MOST OTHERS,
I CANNOT STAND ON MY OWN?
CAN YOU SAY 'CONDESCENDING'?
WHAT IF THEY HAD BEEN THAT WAY
WITH SOMEONE THAT WAS HURTING,
LOOKING FOR COMFORT, NOT SAVED?
AND AFTER A YEAR OF WRITING TO MY PASTOR
WITH NO ANSWER WHATSOEVER,
WHERE IS THAT OPEN DOOR?
ALL I SEE IS FOG.
MY FISTS, CAN YOU SEE,
ARE BROKEN AND BLEEDING
FROM TRYING O SO HARD TO GET THROUGH.
MY HEART JUST FEELS TIRED AND TORN TODAY,
WORN,
ALTHOUGH I KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE.
THAT'S WHY, WHEN I FEEL THIS WAY,
HURTING HAND NOTWITHSTANDING,
I TURN TO YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
AND I DO WHAT YOU ASK OF ME --
I WRITE AND I BLOG ON TV.
JUST TELL ME, MY SWEET JESUS
AM I MAKING A DIFFERENCE?
IS ANYONE LISTENING?
DOES ANYONE CARE?
THE VISION YOU GAVE ME,
WAS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION,
WISHFUL THINKING?
AFTER ALL, WITHOUT YOU,
I AM NOTHING.
SO PLEASE, JESUS,
I KNOW YOU ARE BUSY,
BUT COULD YOU RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND
WRAP ME IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS
BECAUSE I SO BADLY NEED TO FEEL YOUR LOVE
SURROUND AND PROTECT AND ENFOLD ME.


PS:  THANK YOU, MY SWEET JESUS, FOR LIZZIE.

1 JOHN 5:5

WHO IS IT THAT OVERCOMES THE WORLD?

ONLY THE ONE THAT BELIEVES THAT JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD.

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE, MY SWEET JESUS

MY FIRST TIME THERE.
NO WHEELCHAIR TODAY,
THANK YOU MY SWEET JESUS.
BUT WAS IT JUST ME,
OR DID YOU SEE THE WAY I WAS TREATED?
AND, YES, I WAS USING MY CRUTCHES,
AS I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO LATELY,
AND AS LONG AS I WEAR THAT VERY LARGE BRACE
THAT HIDES MY CUTE RIDING BOOTS.
BUT HOBBLING UP ON MY CRUTCHES
TO THE THREE
UNFAMILIAR USHERS,
MY SUPPOSED BROTHERS,
LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF SYMPATHY,
ASKING IF I COULD SIT UP FRONT PLEASE
AS I WAS UNABLE TO STAND ON MY OWN
AND WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE WORDS
SO I COULD SING ALONG
AND PRAISE MY KING,
WHICH IS, BTW, MY FAVORITE THING.
BUT THEIR RESPONSE TO A SISTER
VERY OBVIOUSLY IN NEED
AFTER I HAD ALREADY
MADE THE UNCOMFORTABLE EFFORT
TO DARE SIT IN THE FRONT PEW?
WELL, THEY LITERALLY KICKED ME OUT OF THERE.
THE PEW, NOT THE CHURCH I MEAN,
AND TOLD ME THOSE WERE RESERVED.
WELL, AFTER I WAS RELEGATED
TO THE LEPER COLONY,
I NOTICED THAT ONE OF THE THREE AMIGOS
HAD PLACED A FEW BIBLES WHERE
I DARED TO SIT.  IN A CHURCH.
I MEAN, WHAT???
AND I HAVE A WITNESS BECAUSE 
A SWEET SISTER IN JESUS WHO WAS ALSO DISABLED
HAD SEEN THIS ABHORENT SELFISH ACT TOO.
OKAY, WAS THAT TOO JUDGMENTAL?
AND DID I FORGET TO MENTION
WHEN I FIRST HOBBLED OVER
TO SWEETLY INTRODUCE MYSELF TO
THE THREE MUSKETEERS THAT FIRST TIME
I WAS AT MY HOME CHURCH ON A WEDS. NIGHT,
EXCITED FOR THE UPCOMING BIBLE STUDY,
WANTING, NAY DESPERATELY NEEDING
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MY SWEET JESUS
AND HIS WORD,
ONE OF THE OBVIOUSLY UNAPPROACHABLE
THREE MUSKEETEERS
LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN,
AND WHEN I SAID I WAS ON CRUTCHES
(WAS HE BLIND?)
AND COULDN'T STAND WITHOUT HELP
BECAUSE I WAS GETTING THE VIBE
THAT MY CRUTCHES AND ME AND MY DISABILITY
WERE INVISIBLE TO ALL THREE.
REALLY???
ONE OF THESE THREE AMIGOS VERY HURTFULLY
AND RIDICULUSLY HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY
(AND I QUOTE HERE)
"O, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE."
REALLY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF MUCH LATER,
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE BEEN
DISABLED SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING
OF TWENTY TEN?
OF COURSE, I COULDN'T FIND THE WORDS THEN.


HELP ME TO FORGIVE ALL OF THEM,
MY SWEET JESUS,
AND I QUOTE MYSELF HERE,
"UNFORGIVNESS WEIGHS."
THE USHERS AND THEIR FRIENDS AND THEIR FAMILY
WHO WERE APPARENTLY UPSET THAT I HAD THE
BRAVERY
TO SIT WHERE THEY HAVE ALL BEEN
SITTING ALL TOGETHER FOREVER IT SEEMED TO ME
WERE AFFRONTED.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DIDN'T SEE
YOUR NAMES ETCHED ON THE PEW.


TO THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ATTEND CHURCH
ON A REGULAR BASIS,
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
I MEAN, IT'S HARD ENOUGH NOT BEING ABLE
TO WALK THE FEW SHORT FEET FROM MY BED
WHERE I NEED TO REST EVERY DAY
TO MY THE KITCHEN SO I CAN GET SOMETHING
TO EAT
WITHOUT MY BACK COLLAPSING.
HAVE A LITTLE SYMPATHY.
BUT NO PITY, PLEASE,
BECAUSE I AM THE WAY
MY SWEET JESUS MADE ME
A REASON,
A SEASON,
THE THORN IN MY SIDE,
TEMPORARY.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
NOTHING WHEN YOU TRY TO INVISION
SPENDING ETERNITY PRAISING GOD
AND SITTING AT THE BEAUTIFUL FEET
OF MY SWEET JESUS.




PSALM 59:16--BUT I WILL SING OF YOUR STRENGTH, IN THE MORNING I WILL SING OF YOUR LOVE; FOR YOU ARE MY FORTRESS, MY REFUGE IN TIMES OF TROUBLE.