IT'S NOT ABOUT ME

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME,
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT MY SWEETJESUS
WHO SACRIFICED HIS LIFE
ON THAT WOODEN CROSS,
NAILS IN HIS HANDS AND FEET,
CLEANSING BLOOD FLOWING FREELY.
IT'S ABOUT DOING WHAT WE WERE CREATED FOR
AND PRAISING OUR KING
AND PLANTING SEEDS.
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.
GOD NEVER SAID THIS LIFE WOULD BE EASY.
IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
HE IS THE ONE THAT ALLOWS THE STORMS TO COME,
AT TIMES EVEN CARRYING US.
FOR THE STORMS ARE PURIFING.
I NEEDED TO GROW UP
AND BE REFINED IN ORDER TO FIND THE SIN
I HAD NO CLUE HAD SNUCK INTO
THAT DUSTY CORNER OF MY SOUL,
THE PART I HAD DECIDED TO IGNORE
UNTIL I STARTED JUST RECENTLY
TAKING MY EYES OFF OF ME.
SO WHAT IF I CAN'T WALK WITHOUT CRUTCHES?
SO WHAT IF I CAN'T STAND
AND IT HURTS
LIKE SHADRACH, MESHACH AND ABEDNEGO TO EVEN BEND?










IT'S NOT FOREVER.
THERE ARE OTHERS WORSE OFF THAN POOR LITTLE ME.
AND MY SWEET JESUS WILL TAKE MY HAND
AND TAKE ME TO THE PROMISED LAND.

LUKE 9:23-24

THEN HE SAID TO THEM ALL: "WHOEVER WANTS TO BE MY DISCIPLE MUST DENY THEMSELVES AND TAKE UP THEIR CROSS DAILY AND FOLLOW ME.

WE ARE ALL MAD HERE

WE ARE ALL MAD HERE,
CRAZY I MEAN.
ME?
I AM MAD,
CRAZY DIFFERENT I MEAN
BECAUSE I AM OWNED
BY THE MOST HIGH KING.
JESUS, I MEAN,
NOT HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED,
LUCIFER,
NOT THE BAD GUY IN HARRY POTTER,
WHOSE NAME SOMEHOW NOW ELUDES ME,
BECAUSE I MUST CONFESS
I HAVE WATCHED THE FIRST HARRY POTTER
ONE TOO MANY TIMES.
HEY, IS IT A SIN
THAT I WISH I HAD RECEIVED
JUST ONE INVITATION
TO STUDY MAGIC
AT A PLACE LIKE HOGWARTS?
BE HONEST, NOW.
HAVE YOU NOT WISHED THAT YOURSELF?


SO, YES, I AM MAD,
CRAZY,
BECAUSE THIS ABOHORENT, ABUSIVE,
REUPLSIVE, DISCOURTEOUS PLACE
IS NOT WHERE I BELONG.
(ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE?
DID I USE ENOUGH ADJECTIVES?)
I WANT TO GO HOME.
IT'S NOT TOO SOON.
AFTER ALL, I UNASHAMEDLY ADMIT
THAT I AM SIXTY-ONE.
THAT'S ONLY NINE YEARS SHORT,
LORD.
COME ON.


YES, I AM MAD HERE.
THIS PLACE MAKES MY HEART ACHE,
ESPECIALLY AFTER BEING IN THE ER LAST NIGHT,
AND SEEING NO SMILES.
SO I TRIED MY HARDEST TO PUSH DOWN MY FLESH,
WANTING SO BADLY TO FROWN BACK.
I RATHER AND BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN I WAS IN
PRAYED AND LISTENED TO MY JESUS MUSIC,
BLASTING HIGH OVER MY COOL HEADPHONES.
AND EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMED AS IF
I JUST MIGHT HAVE BEEN
THE ONLY JESUS FREAK THERE
LAST NIGHT IN THE ER,
I TRIED TO SHINE MY LIGHT,
AS IRRITATED AND HURTING AS I WAS.
AS, I'M SURE, WE ALL WERE.
HURTING, I MEAN.


WE ARE ALL MAD HERE,
AT LEAST US TO THOSE THAT BELIEVE.
AND I WILL ONLY REALLY BE HAPPY
WHEN I GET TO SEE MY KING FACE-TO-FACE.
O, WHAT A WONDERFUL, BEAUTEOUS DAY THAT WILL BE.

So, yeah, happened again.  I love how God works.  I was going to use a completely different verse, so I go to BibleGateway.com (that and my thesaurus--best tools ever) to look up the verse I wanted to use, but this was the verse of the day that I knew I had to use:


MATTHEW 7:12--SO IN EVERYTHING, DO TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU, FOR THIS SUMS UP THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS.


Finally found scriptures showing how much God wants us to be happy:


PSALM 68:3--BUT MAY THE RIGHTEOUS BE GLAD AND REJOICE BEFORE GOD; MAY THEY BE HAPPY AND JOYFUL.


ECCLESIASTES 3:12--I KNOW THAT THERE IS NOTHING BETTER FOR PEOPLE THAN TO BE HAPPY AND TO DO GOD WHILE THEY LIVE.


ZECHARIAH 8:19--THIS IS WHAT THE LORD ALMIGHTY SAYS: "THE FASTS OF THE FOURTH, FIFTH, SEVENTH AND TENTH MONTHS WILL BECOME JOYFUL AND GLAD OCCASIONS AND HAPPY FESTIVALS FOR JUDAH.  THEREFORE LOVE TRUTH AND PEACE.


JAMES 5:13--IS ANYONE AMONG YOU IN TROUBLE? LET THEM PRAY. IS ANYONE HAPPY? LET THEM SING SONGS OF PRAISE.




We find happiness when we rejoice in God and all of the storms He has brought us THROUGH and how He loves us unconditionally and how much He has blessed us, despite our sins and unforgiveness in our hearts.

SHERRIE BABY

I DEDICATE THIS TO MY BEAUTIFUL NEW SISTER-IN-JESUS, SHERI, WHO INSPIRED THIS POEM:


HERE I SIT WRITING,
SKINNY ME,
FINALLY.
SKINNY,
I MEAN.
MY SWEET JESUS, REALLY?
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
IT'S BEEN WAY TO MANY DECADES DOWN HERE,
THIS PLACE THAT IS NOT MY HOME.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW...
YOUR TIME IS NOT OUR OWN,
AND,
HONESTLY,
(WARNING: SINNER HERE.)
YOU ARE RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK
I COULD EVER HAVE DONE THIS FIGHT
EVEN JUST RECENTLY,
EVEN EARLIER THAN TODAY,
THIS VERY SECOND...RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE I, FINALLY,
MAYBE DON'T THINK I'M SO UGLY.


AS I HAVE WRITTEN
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
(TALK ABOUT REDUNDENCY)
I WAS LED TO BELIEVE,
DRILLED INTO THE CORE OF MY BRAIN
O SO MANY TIMES,
GANGED UP,
INVARIBELY ON A DAILY BASIS
HOW DUMB AND UGLY I WAS,
AND, O YES, I BELONGED IN AN INSANE ASYLUM.


BUT, PRAISE GOD, 
A SWEET COUSIN
AND AN UNCLE
AND MY DAD WHEN HE WAS STILL HERE
HAVE CALLED ME PRETTY.
AND,
IT'S TRUE,
BLONDS REALLY DO HAVE MORE FUN. 


HI, MY NAME IS SHERRIE
AND THAT WAS VANITY SPEAKING,
NOT ME.


OKAY....SO I WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.
WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH THAT?
HAVE YOU NEVER FELT THE SAME,
HONESTLY?
YOU SEE,
THAT STUPID AND UGLY TAUNTING THING
HAS BRAINWASHED ME
FOR ETERNITY IT SEEMS
EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.
WAS IT BECAUSE I WASN'T THE RIGHT DAUGHTER
TO CONTRACT POLIO
JUST
CUZ
I LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE MY BIO FATHER
EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER?
LIKE I SAID, NOT MY FAULT, NOT MY PATH.
ALL PART OF GOD'S PLAN FOR MY LIFE.
(NO....I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN.)


EXCUSE ME FOR A SEC,
BUT IF I DON'T WRITE THIS DOWN
IMMEDIATELY
IT WILL,
LITERALLY,
GO IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER,
KINDA LIKE AN EAR TORNADO.
I MEAN,
I CAN MEMORIZE LINES EASILY
AND SCRIPTURE, MINUS THE ADDRESS,
EXCEPT FOR MAYBE JOHN THREE SIXTEEN,
BUT SOMEONE'S NAME?
THAT'S WHERE WORD ASSOCIATION
NEEDS TO KICK IN.


SO, WHERE WAS I?
O, YES, DO I HAVE THE NERVE
TO ASK SOMEONE
IN MY FAMILY
IF UNFORTUNATELY NECESSARY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
THOUGHT I WAS SO STUPID AND UGLY,
THEN
WHY O WHY O WHY
DID YOU CALL ME SUNSHINE?
SO, YES, OKAY, I AM SENSITIVE, WEAK.
BUT SO WAS DAVID AND MOSES AND ABRAHAM.
NOT THAT I WOULD EVER COMPARE
ME TO THEM.
BUT
YOU HAVE SAID
IN FIRST CORINTHIANS,*
AND I QUOTE YOU HERE,
MY SWEET JESUS,
"BUT GOD CHOSE THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE WISE; GOD CHOSE THE WEAK THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE STRONG."
SO, I MEAN, REALLY,
SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT.
SO EVEN IF
THAT SONG 'SHERRIE BABY**
WILL NEVER LEAVE MY HEAD
MOST LIKELY
UNTIL THIS HURTING MIND AND BODY ARE DEAD
AND ALIVE WITH YOU,
THEN I'LL CHOOSE SENSITIVTY

OVER ANY OTHER GIFT
AS LONG AS THE WISDOM OF SOLOMEN
IS A FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE.
AND,
NO,
I HAVE NOT COMPLETELY,
AT LEAST OFFICIALY BY MY DOCTOR
I DON'T THINK,
BEEN DIAGNOSED
AS BEING
OUT OF MY MIND,
CRAZY;
ALTHOUGH I DO SUFFER FROM ANXIETY
AND DEPRESSION.
TMI?


(NOTE TO SELF:
FOR MY VIDEO: INSERT CRAZY CHUCKLE HERE)


I MEAN,
REALLY,
IF I WASN'T SO SENSITIVE,
WOULD I BE ABLE TO HAVE
THE VIVIDLY CRAZY DREAMS
THAT YOU WOULDN'T BELEIVE
AND WAKE ME UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
(WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SPEAK TO ME SO LATE, BTW,
MY SWEET JESUS?)
AND SEE THE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL SIGHT
OF THE BLOOD OF JESUS
SURROUNDING THE TOP OF THE WALL
IN OUR BEDROOM
LIKE A BRIGHT RED NEON LIGHT,
OR FEEL THE BRUSH OF AN ANGEL'S WINGS,
(NO LIE)
OR SMELL THE SWEET SMELL OF INCENSE
AND MYRRH
AND KNOW THAT YOU COULDN'T BE NEARER,
OR FEEL YOUR GENTLE HAND ON MY SHOULDER
TELLING ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE
BETTER THAN I WANT FOR MYSELF
MY BEAUTIFUL SWEET SHERRIE,
MY DAUGHTER.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THAT YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE?


MY SWEET JESUS,
GIVE ME YOUR EYES,
GIVE ME YOUR EARS,
AND,
PLEASE
GIVE ME YOUR HEART,
AND BRING PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE,
EVEN THOUGH I DON'T GET OUT MUCH,
THAT HAVE A JESUS SIZE HOLE IN THEIR HEART.
THERE MAY BE AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
(CAN YOU HEAR THE CRICKETS CHIRPING?)
WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME,
OF WHICH I SHALL NEVER BE ASHAMED.


O, THAT REMINDS ME.
SOMEONE THAT I USED TO BE CLOSE WITH
SAID THAT SHE SAYS 'BLESS YOU' TO PEOPLE NOW
RATHER THAN 'GOD BLESS YOU,'
AND IS AFRAID TO PRAY OUT LOUD.
SO, NOW WE CAN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD 'GOD'?
DID I MISS THAT PARTICULAR MESSAGE?
AND WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU FOR PRAYER,
PRAY RIGHT THERE,
EVEN IF YOU'RE IN THE AISLE
OF YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE
WHERE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU.
NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY HIS NAME,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.


BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO PLANT
AS MANY SEEDS AS I POSSIBLY CAN,
NOT MISSING ANY CHANCES.
AND PROUDLY BEING THE GRANDAUGHTER
OF A COTTON FARMER,
I AM DRIVEN TO PLANT SEEDS,
(WHAT CAN I SAY? IT'S IN MY GENES.)
EVEN IT SEEMS
IN IRAQ AND FINLAND.

ME AT 13 IN THE BACKYARD OF OUR HOUSE IN ANAHEIM PETTING OUR DOG TOBY.

PSALM 139:14 -- I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, AND I KNOW THAT FULL WELL.


*1 CORINTHIANS 1:7 NIV


**IF YOU BY ANY POSSIBLE CHANCE EVER MEET ME,
IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT SONG, PLEASE NEVER MENTION IT TO ME, CUZ, TO BE QUITE HONEST (IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO LIVE?), HEARING THAT SONG STILL HURTS MY SOUL.