HERE I SIT WRITING,
SKINNY ME,
FINALLY.
SKINNY,
I MEAN.
MY SWEET JESUS, REALLY?
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
IT'S BEEN WAY TO MANY DECADES DOWN HERE,
THIS PLACE THAT IS NOT MY HOME.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW...
YOUR TIME IS NOT OUR OWN,
AND,
HONESTLY,
(WARNING: SINNER HERE.)
YOU ARE RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK
I COULD EVER HAVE DONE THIS FIGHT
EVEN JUST RECENTLY,
EVEN EARLIER THAN TODAY,
THIS VERY SECOND...RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE I, FINALLY,
MAYBE DON'T THINK I'M SO UGLY.
AS I HAVE WRITTEN
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
(TALK ABOUT REDUNDENCY)
I WAS LED TO BELIEVE,
DRILLED INTO THE CORE OF MY BRAIN
O SO MANY TIMES,
GANGED UP,
INVARIBELY ON A DAILY BASIS
HOW DUMB AND UGLY I WAS,
AND, O YES, I BELONGED IN AN INSANE ASYLUM.
BUT, PRAISE GOD,
A SWEET COUSIN
AND AN UNCLE
AND MY DAD WHEN HE WAS STILL HERE
HAVE CALLED ME PRETTY.
AND,
IT'S TRUE,
BLONDS REALLY DO HAVE MORE FUN.
HI, MY NAME IS SHERRIE
AND THAT WAS VANITY SPEAKING,
NOT ME.
OKAY....SO I WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.
WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH THAT?
HAVE YOU NEVER FELT THE SAME,
HONESTLY?
YOU SEE,
THAT STUPID AND UGLY TAUNTING THING
HAS BRAINWASHED ME
FOR ETERNITY IT SEEMS
EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.
WAS IT BECAUSE I WASN'T THE RIGHT DAUGHTER
TO CONTRACT POLIO
JUST
CUZ
I LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE MY BIO FATHER
EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER?
LIKE I SAID, NOT MY FAULT, NOT MY PATH.
ALL PART OF GOD'S PLAN FOR MY LIFE.
(NO....I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN.)
EXCUSE ME FOR A SEC,
BUT IF I DON'T WRITE THIS DOWN
IMMEDIATELY
IT WILL,
LITERALLY,
GO IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER,
KINDA LIKE AN EAR TORNADO.
I MEAN,
I CAN MEMORIZE LINES EASILY
AND SCRIPTURE, MINUS THE ADDRESS,
EXCEPT FOR MAYBE JOHN THREE SIXTEEN,
BUT SOMEONE'S NAME?
THAT'S WHERE WORD ASSOCIATION
NEEDS TO KICK IN.
SO, WHERE WAS I?
O, YES, DO I HAVE THE NERVE
TO ASK SOMEONE
IN MY FAMILY
IF UNFORTUNATELY NECESSARY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
THOUGHT I WAS SO STUPID AND UGLY,
THEN
WHY O WHY O WHY
DID YOU CALL ME SUNSHINE?
SO, YES, OKAY, I AM SENSITIVE, WEAK.
BUT SO WAS DAVID AND MOSES AND ABRAHAM.
NOT THAT I WOULD EVER COMPARE
ME TO THEM.
BUT
YOU HAVE SAID
IN FIRST CORINTHIANS,*
AND I QUOTE YOU HERE,
MY SWEET JESUS,
"BUT GOD CHOSE THE FOOLISH THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE WISE; GOD CHOSE THE WEAK THINGS OF THE WORLD TO SHAME THE STRONG."
SO, I MEAN, REALLY,
SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT.
SO EVEN IF
THAT SONG 'SHERRIE BABY**
WILL NEVER LEAVE MY HEAD
MOST LIKELY
UNTIL THIS HURTING MIND AND BODY ARE DEAD
AND ALIVE WITH YOU,
THEN I'LL CHOOSE SENSITIVTY
OVER ANY OTHER GIFT
AS LONG AS THE WISDOM OF SOLOMEN
IS A FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE.
AND,
NO,
I HAVE NOT COMPLETELY,
AT LEAST OFFICIALY BY MY DOCTOR
I DON'T THINK,
BEEN DIAGNOSED
AS BEING
OUT OF MY MIND,
CRAZY;
ALTHOUGH I DO SUFFER FROM ANXIETY
AND DEPRESSION.
TMI?
(NOTE TO SELF:
FOR MY VIDEO: INSERT CRAZY CHUCKLE HERE)
I MEAN,
REALLY,
IF I WASN'T SO SENSITIVE,
WOULD I BE ABLE TO HAVE
THE VIVIDLY CRAZY DREAMS
THAT YOU WOULDN'T BELEIVE
AND WAKE ME UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
(WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SPEAK TO ME SO LATE, BTW,
MY SWEET JESUS?)
AND SEE THE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL SIGHT
OF THE BLOOD OF JESUS
SURROUNDING THE TOP OF THE WALL
IN OUR BEDROOM
LIKE A BRIGHT RED NEON LIGHT,
OR FEEL THE BRUSH OF AN ANGEL'S WINGS,
(NO LIE)
OR SMELL THE SWEET SMELL OF INCENSE
AND MYRRH
AND KNOW THAT YOU COULDN'T BE NEARER,
OR FEEL YOUR GENTLE HAND ON MY SHOULDER
TELLING ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE
BETTER THAN I WANT FOR MYSELF
MY BEAUTIFUL SWEET SHERRIE,
MY DAUGHTER.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THAT YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE?
MY SWEET JESUS,
GIVE ME YOUR EYES,
GIVE ME YOUR EARS,
AND,
PLEASE
GIVE ME YOUR HEART,
AND BRING PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE,
EVEN THOUGH I DON'T GET OUT MUCH,
THAT HAVE A JESUS SIZE HOLE IN THEIR HEART.
THERE MAY BE AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
(CAN YOU HEAR THE CRICKETS CHIRPING?)
WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME,
OF WHICH I SHALL NEVER BE ASHAMED.
O, THAT REMINDS ME.
SOMEONE THAT I USED TO BE CLOSE WITH
SAID THAT SHE SAYS 'BLESS YOU' TO PEOPLE NOW
RATHER THAN 'GOD BLESS YOU,'
AND IS AFRAID TO PRAY OUT LOUD.
SO, NOW WE CAN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD 'GOD'?
DID I MISS THAT PARTICULAR MESSAGE?
AND WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU FOR PRAYER,
PRAY RIGHT THERE,
EVEN IF YOU'RE IN THE AISLE
OF YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE
WHERE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU.
NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY HIS NAME,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO PLANT
AS MANY SEEDS AS I POSSIBLY CAN,
NOT MISSING ANY CHANCES.
AND PROUDLY BEING THE GRANDAUGHTER
OF A COTTON FARMER,
I AM DRIVEN TO PLANT SEEDS,
(WHAT CAN I SAY? IT'S IN MY GENES.)
EVEN IT SEEMS
IN IRAQ AND FINLAND.
ME AT 13 IN THE BACKYARD OF OUR HOUSE IN ANAHEIM PETTING OUR DOG TOBY.
PSALM 139:14 -- I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, AND I KNOW THAT FULL WELL.
*1 CORINTHIANS 1:7 NIV
**IF YOU BY ANY POSSIBLE CHANCE EVER MEET ME,
IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT SONG, PLEASE NEVER MENTION IT TO ME, CUZ, TO BE QUITE HONEST (IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO LIVE?), HEARING THAT SONG STILL HURTS MY SOUL.
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