HE DIED FOR ME (ADDED SCRIPTURE)

I'VE COME TOO FAR
TO TURN AROUND.

I'VE GAINED TOO MUCH GROUND.

I WON'T GO BACK 
TO THE WAY I WAS,

I WILL NEVER COMPROMISE
BECAUSE JESUS DIED FOR ME,

SACRIFICED HIMSELF ON A TREE.

HE WAS CRUCIFIED 
AND HE ROSE AGAIN

SO THAT I COULD LIVE 
AND NOT GIVE IN

TO THE WORLD, 
THE FLESH, 
MY SINS.

THE OLD ME IS GONE

AND I MUST MOVE ON.

HEBREWS 12:1

WORRY AND DOUBT (ADDED SCRIPTURE)

I know all the scriptures, 

have read every word

why I should not allow worry and doubt 

to rule my world.

But I find it creeping back 

in the black corners of the night,

And, Lord, I'm just so tired of the fight.

I know it's a sin,

not trusting in Him,

but some days I just find it hard not to give in.

The shadows reach out,

feeding off of the doubt,

the worry and the fears,

and I find myself so valiantly fighting not to cry,
not to give in to the tears.

I know I am blessed,

need to be a better witness,

need to be more thankful and grateful.

And I refuse

 to use

 my past as an excuse.

Because I know God always comes through.

So one more time

I'll try very hard to erase those doubts and worries from my mind.

After all, 

not trusting in Him is a sin.

PROVERBS 3: 5-6

(ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCRIPTURES)

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT TO YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.  IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

AMEN AND AMEN

IT HELPS TO MEMORIZE FAVORITE SCRIPTURES

JUST A LITTLE HINT FROM AN OLDER SISTER IN THE LORD

SACRIFICE (ADDED SCRIPTURE)

Do we ever take the time 
to give thanks to the One above,

the one who gave His only son 
in a sacrifice of love?

Do we ever stop and think 
what it took for Him to die on that tree?

Or are we too bound up in our own lives, 
our own wants, and our own needs?

Would you die for someone you never met?

Would you give up your own son or daughter?

Or are we too wrapped up in our own petty needs

that we can't take time to think of another?

Can we please just take a minute or two

to thank the Lord for what 
He has done for me and for you?

If we have the time to ask Him,

I think we should take the time to thank Him.

JOHN 3:16

PIERCED (added scripture)

               

                                     i fell

                                         &

                                    pierced

                                        the

                                       palm

                                         of

                                         my

                                       hand

            and the blood, deep, red, healing,

                                         ran.

                                         did

                                         you

                                         feel

                                         the              
                                        same
                                        pain
                                         too

                                        Lord

                                        when       

                                         you

                                      washed
                                        away
                                          my
                                         sin?

REVELATION 1:7

"LOOK, HE IS COMING WITH THE CLOUDS, "AND EVERY EYE WILL SEE HIM EVEN THOSE WHO PIERCED HIM", AND ALL PEOPLES ON EARTH "WILL MOURN BECAUSE OF HIM." SO SHALL IT BE! AMEN. *

DANIEL 7:13

YOU CREATED ME (WITH SCRIPTURE)

THEY LIED, I WROTE.

BE STILL MY SOUL

HATRED  SURROUNDS ME,

MISERY ABOUNDS ME,

HOPE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND

CRYING,

PRAYING,

PRAYING,

CRYING.

WILL THIS CYCLE EVER END?

WILL I EVER TRUST AGAIN?

IS THE WORLD SO LOST?

HAVE WE STOPPED COUNTING THE COST?

HURTING,

CUT DEEP DOWN,

THE DARK CLOUDS SURROUND.

I NO LONGER TRUST THOSE WHO SAY THEY GO TO CHURCH

AND PRAY EVERY DAY.
WHY IS IT THEN THAT

THEY IGNORE ME,

THEN TRY TO DESTROY ME.

BUT HERE LIES THE TRUTH:

TO THOSE WHO HAVE TRIED, I
 HAVE YET TO DIE.

THERE IS STILL A LIGHT

HIDDEN DEEP IN THE NIGHT.

SOMETIMES I CAN BARELY FIND MY WAY

BUT IT IS THERE

AND

I

AM

HERE

TO

STAY.
AMEN

PROVERBS 139:13

FOR YOU CREATED MY INMOST BEING;

YOU KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB.

EMOTIONS ON MY SLEEVE (REVISED)

JUST TALKED TO MY AUNT AGAIN,

AND I CRIED,

AND I WONDERED WHY

I WEAR

MY EMOTIONS ON MY SLEEVE.

WHEN MY FATHER DIED,

I GRIEVED,

MY HEART WAS TORN IN TWO,

MY HEAD WAS IN THE CLOUDS,

BUT THE REST OF THE FAMILY RAN AROUND

AS IF EVERYTHING WAS THE SAME.

AND I FELT ASHAMED BECAUSE OF MY TEARS

THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS.

STILL MISSING MY FATHER

AS IF IT WAS YESTERDAY

INSTEAD OF FOURTEEN YEARS.

WHY,

OH LORD,

DID YOU MAKE ME SO DIFFERENT

THAN ANY ONE ELSE IN MY FAMILY,

FEELING AS IF SOMEHOW

THEY ARE ASHAMED OF ME?

THEY DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND

THE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD,

ALL OF THESE FEELINGS I HAVE.

THE TEARS.

THE FEARS.

THE LOVE THAT COMES SO EASILY,

THE WAY I GRIEVE,

MY EMOTIONS ON MY SLEEVE.

BUT THEN,

SUDDENLY 

GOD REVEALS

A POEM

THAT MY GREAT GREAT GRANDMOTHER WROTE,

AND I SHAMEFULLY GLOAT,

FEELING THAT IT'S OKAY

FOR ME TO BE ME

THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT TO BE.

GOD KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB.

FIVE (UPDATED)

THERE I GO AGAIN, 
REACHING OUT TO YOU,

PRAYING YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.

JUST WANTING YOU 
TO TAKE MY HAND LIKE YOU USED TO.

EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU

YOU MAKE ME FEEL 
LIKE I'M FIVE AGAIN,
NEEDING TO RUN TO MY ROOM,
JUMP INTO MY LITTLE BED,
AND HOLD MY PILLOW OVER MY HEAD,
HIDING
SO YOU WOULDN'T FIND ME.

WISHING I WAS SOMEWHERE,

ANYWHERE

ELSE INSTEAD OF THERE.

NO HIDING FROM THE SCREAMS, 
THE ENDLESS FIGHTS,

TERRIFIED,

THE BAD DREAMS

EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

AND YOU WONDER WHY NOW 
I'M SO MESSED UP IN MY HEAD,

CAN'T SEEM TO GET AHEAD,

CAN'T EVEN DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE,

SO FAR AWAY FROM FIVE.

ALL I WANTED TO DO 
WAS TO RUN AND HIDE AWAY FROM 

EVERYTHING.

THE SCREAMS,

THE FIGHTS,

THE ENDLESS NIGHTS.

WILL I EVER LEARN?

WILL I EVER KNOW 
WHY YOU COULDN'T LOVE ME SO?

BUT YOU FOLLOWED THE RULES,

TOOK ME TO SUNDAY SCHOOL.

AND I AM SO THANKFUL TO THE LORD
 BECAUSE I WILL NEVER FORGET

THE DAY JESUS TUGGED ON MY HEARTSTRINGS.

MY SWEET LORD AND SAVIOR,

PROTECTOR,

MADE ME A PART

OF HIS FAMILY,

RUNNING FREE,

BRIGHT SHINING LIGHT

FILLING THE DARK

HOLE IN MY SOUL

WHEN I WAS FIVE.
HE KNEW I NEEDED HIM.

I AM THE APPLE OF HIS EYE

HOPE (UPDATED)

AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATH,

THERE IS HOPE.

AS LONG AS THERE IS LIFE,

THERE IS HOPE.

AS LONG AS THERE IS LOVE,

THERE IS HOPE.

AS LONG AS THERE IS FAITH,

THERE IS HOPE.

WHERE THERE IS GOD,

THERE IS HOPE.

PSALM 25:5

GUIDE ME IN YOUR TRUTH AND TEACH ME, FOR YOU ARE GOD MY SAVIOR, AND MY HOPE IS IN YOU ALL DAY LONG.

BROKEN (UPDATED WITH SCRIPTURE)

shattered

small little pieces of clay

broken

born that way

forgiven

saved

shaped

molded
changed
by the potter's hands

PSALM 34:18
THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED
AND SAVES THOSE
WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT

WHY NOT ME? (updated)

Here I am, in the hospital again,

chained to my IV like some kind of prisoner.

And I cry out, "Lord, why me?"

Am I singing psalms, am I praising Him

the way Paul did when he was in prison?

Have I traveled over ten thousand miles

spreading the Gospel, never resting a while?

Have I been shipwrecked, without a home?

Have I been in a cold damp dark dungeon all alone?

Do I count myself blessed to be persecuted in His name?

Have I been judged for my faith, being put to shame?

So here I rest safe and sound, back at home

meditating on Paul, and my question changes.

My pity party is over, although my bruises are still there.

I'm still weak, and can barely stand.

And my question changes.

Who am I, Lord, to complain?

Why NOT me?

Isaiah 40:31:  But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

WAITING (UPDATED)

It seems as if I'm always waiting 

for God to answer my prayers.

I tend to be quite inpatient, 

so filled with despair, 

always forgetting 

that God knows me best,

knows my future,

knows my past.

He even knows me better 

than I know myself.

And today I was reminded

 of how long God waited for me,

so much more patient 

than I could ever hope to be.

What if He had given up 

the way I am prone to do?

Where would that have left me? 

Who would I turn to?

Would I have been blessed

the way I was last night,
so very tired;

comforted by the gentle flutter

of an angel's wings?
There is no other.

PSALM 36:7 

HOW PRICELESS IS YOUR UNFAILING LOVE, O GOD!

PEOPLE TAKE REFUGE IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS.

I AM NOT ALONE (WITH SCRIPTURE)

middle of the night

dark inside

my fan softly whispers a lullaby

sleep eludes me

will the pain ever subside?

thinking about tomorrow (today?)

praying for a miracle

people have let me down

so tired of being alone

but then Jesus softly reminds me

that He is always beside me

and my dog jumps up on my bed

and my cat gently rests her sweet head

and suddenly the darkness seems no more

and the loneliness has fled 

PSALM 36:7

HOW PRICELESS IS YOUR UNFAILING LOVE,
O GOD!
PEOPLE TAKE REFUGE
IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS

PREDESTINED (UPDATED)

Looking at that little girl

with the crooked bangs and the sun-streaked curls,

freckled cheeks and dimpled smile,

it's easy to see why they called her Sunshine.

Look closer, though, into those sparkling green eyes,

and you just might catch a glimpse of the 

fears,

tears,

shame,

and pain

she is so desperately fighting to hide.

She asked herself constantly,

"What's wrong with me?"

She tried so very hard to just fit in

when all she really wanted was to

run

to

her

bed

 hide if she could,

and cover her head,
become invisible or dream of flying away,

muffle her tears so they wouldn't scream at her again,

and drown out the terrifying sounds she didn't quite understand.

Fifty years later forgiveness is hard,

especially when she so loved the one who caused 
these scars
and all of the pain.

And now he is gone.

But she knows it's a sin

not to forgive.

So Sunshine lays her pain

at the foot of the cross

because she knows

Jesus died

so she could live and move on.

She holds on to the hope

of God's promises and plans,

knowing He has every hair numbered

and has counted every grain of sand.

She has been made to give God glory,

she has been grafted into His tree.

And the thought of her new family reminds her she is predestined.

And

free

to be

little Sunshine

again.

PSALM 36:7

TEARS (UPDATED)

IF THE LORD IS SAVING A BOTTLE OF MY TEARS,

THEN IT MUST BE OVERFLOWING 
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

WHAT WITH THE DEATH OF MY FATHER,

AND NOW I FEAR I'VE LOST MY SWEET DAUGHTER.

OH, MY LOVE, IF YOU ONLY KNEW

HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU,

WISHING I COULD WAVE A MAGIC WAND,

MAKING YOU MY LITTLE PRINCESS AGAIN.

PRAYING YOU'LL SOME DAY REMEMBER

ALL OF THE FUN WE HAD TOGETHER.

AND I UNCEASINGLY PRAY

THAT THE LORD WILL TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY.

THAT HE WILL HEAL

YOUR MIND, BODY,

HEART AND SOUL,

MAKE YOU WHOLE.

ALTHOUGH MY OWN BODY

IS WRACKED WITH PAIN,

I WOULD GLADLY TAKE YOURS

IF IT WOULD MAKE YOU MINE AGAIN.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW

DEEP INSIDE YOUR SOUL

THAT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD

CAN KEEP US APART.

AND NO ONE OR ANYTHING

COULD EVER MAKE ME CAUSE YOU PAIN.

FOR I WOULD LAY MY LIFE DOWN FOR YOU

BECAUSE YOU ARE MY HEART.

MY SWEET DAUGHTER, EVEN IF IT TAKES 
UNTIL THE END OF DAYS,

I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU WITH OPEN ARMS

IN THE WONDERFUL BEYOND

WHERE OUR TEARS WILL BE WIPED AWAY,

AND TOGETHER WE WILL BE THERE TO STAY,

WORSHIPING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR

FOREVER.

OH, HOW I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT DAY.

PSALM 126:5

THOSE WHO SOW WITH TEARS

WILL REAP WITH SONGS OF JOY

AMEN!