GAME OVER (NOT)

THIS GAME'S NOT OVER YET,

SO, PRETTY PLEASE, DON'T DARE HIT RESET.

I'VE COME TOO FAR,

CLAWED MY WAY THROUGH

TO START OVER NOW,

LIKE THERE WAS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF CHANCE

I'D EVER ALLOW YOU

TO RESET

MY SOUL.

HOW IS ONE TO OVERCOME

THE HONEST FACT

THAT IF I WASN'T FEELING INVISIBLE,

SHUNNED BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSEDLY THE HEALTHY ONE, EVEN THOUGH I SUFFERED SEVERE CHRONIC ASTHMA,

I WAS WISHING I WAS.

AND DO YOU KNOW THE ONLY CURE FOR THAT

WAY BACK IN THE 1900s

WAS A HUGE SHOT OF ADRENALIN

THAT LEFT YOU SHAKING LIKE A WET DOG

AND AS SICK AS ONE TOO.

YOU SEE,

MY ELDER SISTER BY 19 MONTHS

CONTRACTED POLIO

THE SAME YEAR THE VACCINE

WAS ACTUALLY CAUSING THE DISEASE.

WHICH MEANS,

THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.

NONE-THE-LESS,

MY OLDEST SISTER

WAS AFFLICTED. 

SO,

OF COURSE,

I WAS CONSIDERED SELFISH

IF I DARE GET ILL,

EVEN SENT TO MY BEDROOM WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE

BECAUSE I HAD BROKEN MY ARM

AND HAD THE NERVE TO FIND IT HARD TO STOP SOBBING.

THAT'S HOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN,

EVEN TO THIS DAY.

I JUST PRAY THAT THERE WAS A WAY

FOR MY MOTHER TO WALK IN MY SHOES,

JUST FOR A SECOND.

TO FEEL ALL OF THOSE UNHEALED

SCARS,

TO THE POINT OF FINDING IT HARD

TO EVEN LOOK IN A MIRROR.

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER

GANGING UP WITH MY SISTER

WHEN DAD WASN'T AROUND,

TAUNTING ME,

CALLING ME STUPID AND UGLY?

AND IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER THAT

TODAY I'M PHYSICALLY

SUFFERING

DAILY,

EVERY SECOND,

TIC TOC.

WOULD I GET THE CARE I NEEDED FROM HER,

CUZ I NEVER HEAR

FROM SISTER DEAR,

WHICH, HOW THAT I THINK ON IT,

IS PROBABLY GOOD.

GUESS HER TROUBLES

ARE MAGNIFIED

BECAUSE,

AS SHE WAS ALWAYS WANT TO SAY,

SHE IS THE ELDEST.

I DEFER TO YOU,

MY ELDER SISTER.

OKAY,

NOW I MUST PRAY

FOR HARBORING 

UNGODLY THOUGHTS

AGAINST THE LOST.

I DON'T HAVE A CLUE

WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

MOM TOOK BOTH OF US TO CHURCH

ALL OF THE TIME

WHEN WE WERE LITTLE.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER

THE FUN SUNDAY SCHOOL

AND ME SINGING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

BECAUSE I WAS SINGING TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER,

THE ONLY ONE

EVEN AT THAT YOUNG AGE

I KNEW I COULD RELY ON

AND THAT LOVED ME?

AND I COULD HAVE SUNG ALL DAY LONG

IF I WAS ALLOWED.

BUT, NO,

WE HAD TO BE QUIET.

YOU KNOW WHY.

IF ONLY YOU COULD ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT WE DID NOT RECEIVE THE LOVE WE DESERVED

AT HOME

THEN MAYBE YOU JUST MIGHT

DECIDE TO FIGHT.

SO, I'VE LET THE FAMILY SECRET OUT.

I WOULD BE MORE THAN WILLING

TO SHOUT IT ALL

FROM THE TALLEST BUILDING

IF IT MEANT

JUST ONE SEED

WAS PLANTED.

BECAUSE THAT IS MY MISSION.

THROUGH MY WRITING.

AND ALSO TO ENCOURAGE

THE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS

TO NOT BE ASHAMED.

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE

AND YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE.

DON'T HIT THE RESET,

THIS GAME ISN'T OVER YET.

GOD HAS PLANS

FOR ALL OF US SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

PSALM 71:6

FROM BIRTH I HAVE RELIED ON YOU;

YOU BROUGHT ME FORTH FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB.

I WILL EVER PRAISE YOU.