WHY?(RVD)

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF,
EVERY TIME,
THROWING MYSELF
UNDER THE BUS?
I CARE,
BUT THEN YOU STOMP ON MY HEART,
LEAVING ME BLEEDING,
BROKEN,
STILL HURTING
AFTER ALL OF THESE YEARS.
WHY DO I LET YOU
GET UNDER MY SKIN
WHEN I KNOW THAT IF I DO
I WILL FEEL LIKE I'M FIVE AGAIN?
PUSHED INTO A CORNER,
NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK
ALL BECAUSE MY SISTER
WAS ALWAYS GETTING SICK.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT, YOU KNOW,
SO PLEASE STOP BLAMING ME.
AND IF IT WASN'T FOR MY LORD
I WOULD WANT TO DISAPPEAR.
HE SOUGHT ME AND CAUGHT ME
WHEN I WAS FIVE,
AND I THANK HIM EVERY DAY
FOR KNOCKING ON MY HEART
AND LIVING IN MY SOUL,
TAKING MY SELF
AND MAKING ME WHOLE.
STILL, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST HEAR ME
WHEN I CRY OUT TO YOU.
MY LORD HEARS ME, THOUGH,
AND THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.