Invisible (UPDATED WITH SCRIPTURE)

There have been many times in my life
that I felt as if I was invisible.

I could be standing in the middle 
of our very large extended family

and really believe that if I closed my eyes, 
I would disappear and no one would
remember my name
or that I even existed.

You see, my eldest sister by nineteen months
had contracted polio around the time
she turned two.
So all I can remember of my youth

is most of my family either teasing me
insensitively
or
ignoring poor empathetic me,
all the while coddling my sis.

I would have to hide in the corner

or run into my tiny room, 
the smallest in the house,
of course,
cuz.
 point taken,
I was the youngest.

I would hide
and sit there sobbing
(as quietly as I could into my pillow
so I would not incur more wrath)
and feeling 
like a little lost 
church mouse.

No matter how hard I tried,

the only attention I ever got was when I cried.

And it wasn't the kind of attention 
that was wanted.

It was more of the kind

that made you want to run for the hills and hide,

kind of like David did 
when Saul wanted him killed.

You try to be the best you can,

pleasing others,

putting yourself last,
suddenly realizing
that you have turned into a doormat.

But when you do,

some people just assume 
that there is something wrong with you.

And after a while, you tend to believe it yourself,

believe you'll never amount to anything else.

But God tells me otherwise.

That's why He sent His son to die.

And he tells me He has great plans for my life,

that He has a beautiful enormous room 
with my name written on it,
in sparkling pink,
 in His house.

And I will no longer
have to live
as that sad, lonely, invisible
church mouse.

ROMANS 10:11

EVERYONE WHO TRUSTS IN HIM

WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME.